Yes, my brother cares only about managing the money of our parents. He could care less about their emotional or psychological well-being. He’s just looking out for himself.

I actually know many sons who are way more attentive than daughters who are dramatic, go years without talking to their moms even, whereas sons seem more loving and laidback without the drama!!

What, no. My DH is so up his mommy’s butt, I may need to get a divorce for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP update on my worthless evil brothers. My mom will now need a private nurse with her at her AL . Super expensive but no other options. I talked to her about a continuing care facility and she started crying. She knows how awful that will be because she is completely cognitive. Anyway I talked to my brothers about selling off about 10% of HER assets which will cover approximately 12 yrs of care. They went batshit crazy on me and literally said, “we are not selling off mom’s assets and throwing away money”! I’m completely heartbroken over this response but I wiped away my tears, called my attorney and he is meeting me and my mom tomorrow to appoint me power of attorney. I will be able do whatever it takes to give my mom the care SHE DESERVES WITH HER MONEY. wtf is wrong with them!?

OP, so it's not about gender, it's about money. We bought our first home from an elderly lady and the sale took forever because the daughters were fighting non-stop about $. One of them pulled the house off the market several months before they relisted it and they were not talking to each other. Your brothers want to get the largest inheritance possible.

How can they think this way? Neither one ever married, no children and are financially secure. I’m the only one who ever struggled as a single mom back in the day. Luckily my parents were incredibly helpful with ALL of us kids. My mom and dad worked so hard to build their estate and now with my moms declining health and needs this is what it is for. Oh well I need to just walk away from those selfish creatures.

Got to get ready to go meet her and attorney to get this POA done!

Anonymous wrote:OP update on my worthless evil brothers. My mom will now need a private nurse with her at her AL . Super expensive but no other options. I talked to her about a continuing care facility and she started crying. She knows how awful that will be because she is completely cognitive. Anyway I talked to my brothers about selling off about 10% of HER assets which will cover approximately 12 yrs of care. They went batshit crazy on me and literally said, “we are not selling off mom’s assets and throwing away money”! I’m completely heartbroken over this response but I wiped away my tears, called my attorney and he is meeting me and my mom tomorrow to appoint me power of attorney. I will be able do whatever it takes to give my mom the care SHE DESERVES WITH HER MONEY. wtf is wrong with them!?

OP, so it's not about gender, it's about money. We bought our first home from an elderly lady and the sale took forever because the daughters were fighting non-stop about $. One of them pulled the house off the market several months before they relisted it and they were not talking to each other. Your brothers want to get the largest inheritance possible.

OP update on my worthless evil brothers. My mom will now need a private nurse with her at her AL . Super expensive but no other options. I talked to her about a continuing care facility and she started crying. She knows how awful that will be because she is completely cognitive. Anyway I talked to my brothers about selling off about 10% of HER assets which will cover approximately 12 yrs of care. They went batshit crazy on me and literally said, “we are not selling off mom’s assets and throwing away money”! I’m completely heartbroken over this response but I wiped away my tears, called my attorney and he is meeting me and my mom tomorrow to appoint me power of attorney. I will be able do whatever it takes to give my mom the care SHE DESERVES WITH HER MONEY. wtf is wrong with them!?

Not in my family. I guess the Caring gene is a dominant one in my family.

All of the males have pitched in. Some of the men more than the women.

My siblings and I (females and males) all chipped in and were present. The ones that lived locally, obviously, did more of the legwork---but the out of town ones helped and supported them in every way they could.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Love this! Makes me smile

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Autism gene is pretty strong….. even the high functioning one…. No executive functioning, no ability to care or see needs, can’t cover date well about real stuff, little situational awareness, no remembering how to do things that aren’t fascinating…

I know plenty of people with autism who are accomplished, loyal and deeply care about family members. But they do have trouble reading social cues and be somewhat oblivious to the needs of others without a little prodding. However, as they are so literally minded, with a little direction, they can be amazing, helpful and caring family members.

Have you ever lived with one of them for long?

30 years
20 years
13 years

I think that qualifies right?

But I hear ya - man, it is not always a walk in the park …

I wish we could talk. I watched my sister turn into a shell with her aspie husband and sons. One still lives at home, other is divorced. It’s been 40 years for her, most not know what was going on with them, but hopefully it’s a different era now for all of that.

Yes there is much more help available now especially for younger generation - social skills groups, more understanding from educators, and general awareness of neurological diversity:

My HFA (high functioning autism) children have close friends, senses of humor, and work hard. They do need a lot of quiet time to recover from dealing with stresses of each day. I provide a lot of structure and consistency in the home as they do better with clear routines and expectations. Adult child happily married and fortunately spouse is amazing / kind, understanding and sensible.

Hardest is DH who did not get early interventions .I still have to womansplain a Lot of basic common sense social skills to him which he listens to and acts upon. However, he carries frustrations of being misunderstood and Mishandled when younger and got away with angry outbursts. I set firm boundaries and let him know it is not ok to take frustrations out on me or DC. He is very loyal and smart, which helps us find ways to deal with the social gaps.

I did a lot of therapy for myself and family therapy. I keep up my own friends and attend church regularly.

I really hope your sister finds ways now to deal with this. I am so sorry she has shut down parts of herself and pray she finds ways to feel joy and connection.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Autism gene is pretty strong….. even the high functioning one…. No executive functioning, no ability to care or see needs, can’t cover date well about real stuff, little situational awareness, no remembering how to do things that aren’t fascinating…

I know plenty of people with autism who are accomplished, loyal and deeply care about family members. But they do have trouble reading social cues and be somewhat oblivious to the needs of others without a little prodding. However, as they are so literally minded, with a little direction, they can be amazing, helpful and caring family members.

Have you ever lived with one of them for long?

30 years
20 years
13 years

I think that qualifies right?

But I hear ya - man, it is not always a walk in the park …

I wish we could talk. I watched my sister turn into a shell with her aspie husband and sons. One still lives at home, other is divorced. It’s been 40 years for her, most not know what was going on with them, but hopefully it’s a different era now for all of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Autism gene is pretty strong….. even the high functioning one…. No executive functioning, no ability to care or see needs, can’t cover date well about real stuff, little situational awareness, no remembering how to do things that aren’t fascinating…

I know plenty of people with autism who are accomplished, loyal and deeply care about family members. But they do have trouble reading social cues and be somewhat oblivious to the needs of others without a little prodding. However, as they are so literally minded, with a little direction, they can be amazing, helpful and caring family members.

Have you ever lived with one of them for long?

30 years
20 years
13 years

I think that qualifies right?

But I hear ya - man, it is not always a walk in the park …

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Autism gene is pretty strong….. even the high functioning one…. No executive functioning, no ability to care or see needs, can’t cover date well about real stuff, little situational awareness, no remembering how to do things that aren’t fascinating…

I know plenty of people with autism who are accomplished, loyal and deeply care about family members. But they do have trouble reading social cues and be somewhat oblivious to the needs of others without a little prodding. However, as they are so literally minded, with a little direction, they can be amazing, helpful and caring family members.

Have you ever lived with one of them for long?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Autism gene is pretty strong….. even the high functioning one…. No executive functioning, no ability to care or see needs, can’t cover date well about real stuff, little situational awareness, no remembering how to do things that aren’t fascinating…

I know plenty of people with autism who are accomplished, loyal and deeply care about family members. But they do have trouble reading social cues and be somewhat oblivious to the needs of others without a little prodding. However, as they are so literally minded, with a little direction, they can be amazing, helpful and caring family members.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol at "genetic gene"

As opposed to all those non-genetic genes out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I come from a very patriarchal culture (another country). This might surprise you but all my male relatives treated their mothers with a lot of care and respect. Two of my uncles and their wives cared for each of my respective grandmothers - and I am talking physical care like feeding, cleaning etc.

I find the wealthier people become, the more independent, self-reliant and self focused they become. This is why you see such an atomized society in a wealthy country like the US.

Interesting point

The actual point is the societies and classes that live in multigenerational houses and never move.
Thus everyone socializes the income (and $ remittances!) and care-taking. Although there is always the family moocher! And they will always ask the richies in America for more cash each month!

Hmmm the point for me from PP’s anecdotes was very different - there is no right or wrong to what points you get out of posts. To me this post was interesting because it broadened the discussion from biology versus nurture by highlighting other influences on gender behavior and family care - economic class, modern life undermining some traditional support structures and that some non western cultures may be more progressive than ours in terms of men helping to care for family members in need.

America is an immigrant society … we are all immigrants at one time or another …. Immigrants are not a monolithic group but highly divergent … many immigrants are highly educated or risk takers that bring much more to society than they take…