Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So many comments. Thanks for the replies.

Not sure what to clarify at this point that I haven’t already said.

My hesitation in leaving him is primarily because it’s a long time to be away from him and I am unsure how I will do with it and how he will do with it. I worry I worry 2 yo will really struggle without his brother. I could see it all being fine though-I’ll miss him for sure and feel guilty for sure. Those things go without saying. I don’t see them as reasons not to go.

DH and my mom have no reservations about this plan and we formulated it together. DH is insisting on it. Any scenario in which anyone suffers lifelong emotional impact from this decision seems so remote that I am not concerned about it.

My sons condition is permanent and incurable. He has had seizures with our nanny. She was a nurse in her home country and has been with us at many of the medical appointments. We take seizure meds and have rescue meds for prolonged seizures, if he had to go to the hospital it would be better he be in our home city with the medical team we have here. He’s been seizure free for nearly 3 months though and it’s very unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen.

Your 5 yo deserves more than being someone his brother looks up to. He deserves a normal vacation and time with his parents.
Masks aren’t going anywhere, not in the current climate, not until 2023 or so.

I'm sure the 5 year old would prefer to have Christmas with his brother. Let's be real here, the Caribbean is for the parents.

This thread should have been posted on the SN board. The vast majority of you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. I have a child with severe emotional/behavioral problems. Siblings never get enough parent time and attention and they miss out on so so so much in life due to their brother's issues. You have NO clue. My kids would feel relief and joy if they got to ever take a trip with both parents and without difficult sibling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Maybe it’s a matter of how much she gets paid?

Op here. Her DH and two kids will be gone for 2.5 weeks over Christmas. They are going to her DH’s home country for a wedding and for her kids to meet his family for the first time, and our nanny was unable to get a visa. She’s very sad about it and I think having the chance to make some money and not be entirely alone over Christmas is something she’s happy about.

I’ll touch base with her again about whether she’s sure this is ok with her and if she wants me to arrange a back up person to give her breaks. Historically, she has not wanted this when we’ve gone away, but it’s never been for this long before.

I’d be miserable alone with a toddler for a week but she handles DS better than anyone and he behaves the best for her. I know it’s surprising but for some people (the sort of people who become nannies) a week alone with a toddler isn’t a huge deal.

I’ll touch base with her again to see what she thinks about this trip and if she’s really comfortable. She’s been in our lives for more than 5 years and I believe if this did not work for her she would tell me, but I’ll talk with her about it again (and probably several more times leading up to the trip).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Maybe it’s a matter of how much she gets paid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself said in your original post that it felt heartless to leave your two-year-old at home on a family vacation during Christmas. I would go back and reread that sentence as many times as you need. You said it yourself and almost everybody here agrees after 10+ pages. That rarely happens on DCUM.

You are very much entitled to a break from caring for a child with special needs, but that can be arranged in your own home country and maybe on a couples trip or a girls trip or a special trip just with one child that does not happen during a pandemic, during Christmas, and outside the borders of your own country where you could be separated for weeks or longer for COVID or other reasons, away from your SN baby.

I would cancel, and, to be blunt, if you truly cannot have any part of this trip reimbursed (no travel insurance during a pandemic?), and you cannot afford to do another trip another time that includes your younger child then so be it. Any of the potential scenarios other than canceling are bound to cause unrest, guilt and resentment. You may have some moments of fun, but are you truly going to be able to relax, unwind and enjoy yourself on a family vacation that doesn’t include one of your own children who was dumped at home because he’s inconvenient to travel with? That is an awful lot of bad juju to put into the universe. What a terrible way to celebrate the holidays and go into a new year.

no need to cancel. one parent goes with baby, one stays home with toddler.

I’m also surprised OP thinks it’s ok to leave the nanny for a full week with no respite to care for a toddler. that’s hard even for a toddler w/o special needs who tantrums, has language delays.

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to leave him. He has no idea what Christmas is at two and will not remember this.

The five yo probably will not remember either. Generally, your only memories stretching that far back are the ones with very strong emotion attached (usually fear).

Ok…this may very well have strong emotion attached for the 5yo who may feel that his parents abandoned his younger brother. People underestimate kids’ capacity for feeling and remembering. If 5yo is a sensitive, observant child he will certainly notice and this will likely have an impact on him.

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So many comments. Thanks for the replies.

Not sure what to clarify at this point that I haven’t already said.

My hesitation in leaving him is primarily because it’s a long time to be away from him and I am unsure how I will do with it and how he will do with it. I worry I worry 2 yo will really struggle without his brother. I could see it all being fine though-I’ll miss him for sure and feel guilty for sure. Those things go without saying. I don’t see them as reasons not to go.

DH and my mom have no reservations about this plan and we formulated it together. DH is insisting on it. Any scenario in which anyone suffers lifelong emotional impact from this decision seems so remote that I am not concerned about it.

My sons condition is permanent and incurable. He has had seizures with our nanny. She was a nurse in her home country and has been with us at many of the medical appointments. We take seizure meds and have rescue meds for prolonged seizures, if he had to go to the hospital it would be better he be in our home city with the medical team we have here. He’s been seizure free for nearly 3 months though and it’s very unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen.

Your 5 yo deserves more than being someone his brother looks up to. He deserves a normal vacation and time with his parents.
Masks aren’t going anywhere, not in the current climate, not until 2023 or so.

I'm sure the 5 year old would prefer to have Christmas with his brother. Let's be real here, the Caribbean is for the parents.

This thread should have been posted on the SN board. The vast majority of you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. I have a child with severe emotional/behavioral problems. Siblings never get enough parent time and attention and they miss out on so so so much in life due to their brother's issues. You have NO clue. My kids would feel relief and joy if they got to ever take a trip with both parents and without difficult sibling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So many comments. Thanks for the replies.

Not sure what to clarify at this point that I haven’t already said.

My hesitation in leaving him is primarily because it’s a long time to be away from him and I am unsure how I will do with it and how he will do with it. I worry I worry 2 yo will really struggle without his brother. I could see it all being fine though-I’ll miss him for sure and feel guilty for sure. Those things go without saying. I don’t see them as reasons not to go.

DH and my mom have no reservations about this plan and we formulated it together. DH is insisting on it. Any scenario in which anyone suffers lifelong emotional impact from this decision seems so remote that I am not concerned about it.

My sons condition is permanent and incurable. He has had seizures with our nanny. She was a nurse in her home country and has been with us at many of the medical appointments. We take seizure meds and have rescue meds for prolonged seizures, if he had to go to the hospital it would be better he be in our home city with the medical team we have here. He’s been seizure free for nearly 3 months though and it’s very unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen.

Your 5 yo deserves more than being someone his brother looks up to. He deserves a normal vacation and time with his parents.
Masks aren’t going anywhere, not in the current climate, not until 2023 or so.

I'm sure the 5 year old would prefer to have Christmas with his brother. Let's be real here, the Caribbean is for the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the actual F op. Say kid is 23.5 months (flight attendants don’t know) and obviously take him or don’t go. I’m sorry this post wins an award for worst parenting worst person ever.

THIS!

OP said earlier that the 2yo is large for his age and looks like a 4 yo.

It's also not going to work because because I've flown both Southwest and JetBlue recently with kids and both of those airlines were asking the parents of young kids for proof of age. The airlines are NOT playing around with the mask rules. I think OP needs to cancel.

Anonymous wrote:LOL Sounds like you don't like your 2-year-old very much. Who even contemplates taking their entire family but one child and abandoning them for a week at Christmas?

Anonymous wrote:I left my three year old with family for two weeks Pre pandemic. Would not now in case of travel snafus. Also 1:1 fir an entire week is asking a heck of a lot of your nanny. If you do this she will need someone to assist for breaks. She’s a human being too.