Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:36
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
Because he doesn't want to go into deeper debt?!? I'm on his side on that one, by the way.
I’m not pp but why would he necessarily have to go into deb?. OP has said he is working and could save for one but doesn’t want to. It’s OPs problem if she is demanding something way beyond his budget but there are many inexpensive options that could work in the short or long term. It’s weird that he hasn’t even brought up a ring and doesn’t want to discuss the wedding…
+1. My “placeholder ring” was under $50 (we were both broke and in school) and now I use it as a travel ring. I treasure it and it holds so much sentimental value for both of us.
I mean, I think OP has made it perfectly clear that she would not accept a $50 ring.
OP, why don't you settle this - how much do you want him to spend on a ring for you?
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:35
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
Because he doesn't want to go into deeper debt?!? I'm on his side on that one, by the way.
I’m not pp but why would he necessarily have to go into deb?. OP has said he is working and could save for one but doesn’t want to. It’s OPs problem if she is demanding something way beyond his budget but there are many inexpensive options that could work in the short or long term. It’s weird that he hasn’t even brought up a ring and doesn’t want to discuss the wedding…
OP has said a lot of things (most of it nonsensical) but she said that he could go into debt to buy the ring and then pay off the debt once he magically made $500K a year.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:25
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
Because he doesn't want to go into deeper debt?!? I'm on his side on that one, by the way.
I’m not pp but why would he necessarily have to go into deb?. OP has said he is working and could save for one but doesn’t want to. It’s OPs problem if she is demanding something way beyond his budget but there are many inexpensive options that could work in the short or long term. It’s weird that he hasn’t even brought up a ring and doesn’t want to discuss the wedding…
+1. My “placeholder ring” was under $50 (we were both broke and in school) and now I use it as a travel ring. I treasure it and it holds so much sentimental value for both of us.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:23
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
Because he doesn't want to go into deeper debt?!? I'm on his side on that one, by the way.
I’m not pp but why would he necessarily have to go into deb?. OP has said he is working and could save for one but doesn’t want to. It’s OPs problem if she is demanding something way beyond his budget but there are many inexpensive options that could work in the short or long term. It’s weird that he hasn’t even brought up a ring and doesn’t want to discuss the wedding…
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:20
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
Because he doesn't want to go into deeper debt?!? I'm on his side on that one, by the way.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:19
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
NP. I think OPs relationship issues go way beyond a ring but, while I completely understand not being able to afford a $10,000 ring, why would you not buy a $1,000 or even $100 ring if that’s all you could comfortably afford? I think OPs boyfriend isn’t buying a ring because that makes this all feel too real and he isn’t sure that he wants to get married.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:15
Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way would I marry someone who proposed without a ring. Especially if they knew it was important to me. This is a non-negotiable rite of passage for me and a totally baseline normal cultural expectation and anyone who doesn’t understand that is either too insecure about what he is offering, or has nothing to offer, or is withholding. They are seeing what they can get at the cheapest possible price and I value myself more than that.
I hate to say it, OP, but the only guy I know who is “pretty much engaged” but hasn’t bought a ring is very wish washy about the engagement and potential marriage and has had cold feet since the relationship got serious.
I have friends who have received big old diamonds, small antique rings, and even less traditional rings with other gems like sapphires. In all of these cases, their boyfriends put a lot of thought into picking something their fiancé would love and felt proud taking this next step.
+100. Are you sure he was serious about the engagement, OP??
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:13
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
That goes both ways. If you're committed and love someone, why not just get a ring instead of blowing up the relationship?
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:13
Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My parents will pay for the wedding on whatever budget they decide. As they have not offered to pay for a honeymoon, I guess there will not be one, as he has not brought it up nor has he mentioned anything about his family contributing.
This also bothers me, as they would be paying for a wedding far more expensive than any ring he would get. His response to that is that the wedding is for me, and he does not want or care about it, so why should that factor in since as far as he is concerned we don’t need one.
Please don’t let your parents put down a single deposit until you go to premarital counseling with your fiancé (?) and make sure you are in agreement on the big things. It sounds like your boyfriend/fiancé does not want to get married since he has no interest in getting a ring or in having a wedding or planning a honeymoon.
+1. He hasn’t bought a ring, doesn’t want to talk about a wedding, and you haven’t even brought up a honeymoon. This does not sound like a man who actually wants to get married.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 18:02
Subject: Re:No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My parents will pay for the wedding on whatever budget they decide. As they have not offered to pay for a honeymoon, I guess there will not be one, as he has not brought it up nor has he mentioned anything about his family contributing.
This also bothers me, as they would be paying for a wedding far more expensive than any ring he would get. His response to that is that the wedding is for me, and he does not want or care about it, so why should that factor in since as far as he is concerned we don’t need one.
Please don’t let your parents put down a single deposit until you go to premarital counseling with your fiancé (?) and make sure you are in agreement on the big things. It sounds like your boyfriend/fiancé does not want to get married since he has no interest in getting a ring or in having a wedding or planning a honeymoon.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 17:39
Subject: Re:No ring
OP also indicated she didn’t ask him about a ring. Curious if she said yes to his proposal yet.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 17:36
Subject: Re:No ring
You’re misreading. He could afford it if he sacrificed a few of the luxury things he currently does for himself.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 17:10
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
99% of posters agreed with OP that wanting a ring is fine and him refusing is a red flag until she explained she wants a ring that he can pay off in a few years when he starts making $500k/year.
There's a pretty good chance this guy would be happy to buy her a ring if she'd accept one that he can afford. But she wants him to go into debt for it and has decided he doesn't value her as a wife if he won't.
Anonymous
10/21/2021 16:52
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???
It’s sentimental, yes. But if you don’t see eye to eye on it is it worth blowing up the relationship over if he’s committing to you for life?
Anonymous
10/21/2021 14:16
Subject: No ring
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s just a ring. Why do you feel like it’s a dealbreaker?
I think it’s important to many people in the way wearing a tux or nice suit and wedding dress at a wedding is important to many grooms and brides. Some people really don’t care but lots of people enjoy the traditional aspects of an engagement and wedding. An engagement ring (expensive or not) carries sentimental value and is a physical representation of the couple moving onto another, more serious, phase of life together. For many, saying “yes” and wearing an engagement ring is a significant milestone they look forward to.
Personally, I think if there is something your partner is really excited about and if that thing doesn’t overextend you in any way, you should try to honor your partners wishes. You should never go into debt over an engagement ring but I don’t think one partner should write it off as unimportant just because they don’t get what the whole big deal is. It’s important to your future spouse who you, presumably, love! At least making an effort to do something meaningful for them is important.
+1. Sick of posters pretending they’ve never heard of an engagement ring before. OP have you not brought up wanting one? Why???