Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

I agree that OP has built this relationship to be more than it was in her head. I'm not sure it's an abuse history.

I think it's more a personality disorder given her inability to accept the situation , clinging onto it for years , inflated sense of her importance in her life, her attempts to portray herself as a victim, loves posts that empathize with her as a victim, plays coy or insulted with people who don't feed into her game and call her out and then there's her repeated attempts to get attention with her multiple threads on the topic.

She may have been abused but that's not a definite.

Anonymous wrote:What are you even ending? He doesn’t talk to you or see you. Whatever you “had” ended a long time ago and obviously didn’t mean that much to him. Time to grow up and move on. It’s just sad.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

Yes this is true but I think most comments still apply. It's unreasonable for her to feel resentful that she was "cut off" and to be asking if she should still continue contact.

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I'm not surprised you are mystified as you struggle with boundaries that the majority of people understand.

When people say your relationship isn't real it means you don't really factor in his life , such as him telling you to stay away during his illness so as not to upset his wife. Such as you having no real contact for years at best you were his plaything but you have built that into some great love story because you are a lonely person who lacks meaningful relationships in her life.

I also suspect a personality disorder due to your inflated sense if self

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.