OP, you're getting hostile answers because of the uniqueness of the event, a memorial service. But people are terrible about general rsvp ing in general. That's why, for other events, not hearing from them by xx date, means they are recorded as "no". That's it. That's all.

Anonymous wrote:Never once in my life have I been asked to RSVP for a memorial service.

This. It would never occur to me to RSVO to a memorial. If it is my family, of course I will be there. I’m sure it is nothing intentional. I’m sorry that you have to do this extra hassle, but you could either send an email reminder and explain something like “sorry I know people aren’t used to having to RSVP to memorials, but we need to know a final headcount for the caterer“. The whole idea of getting a personal Momento again would never occur to me. It is not like a wedding with favors or something. I am so very sorry for your loss. What you were asking for is quite unusual, so I would please extend some grace

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you need a headcount, but I’ve never been asked to RSVP for a memorial service. I think people probably missed or forgot that an RSVP was requested because it is unusual.

This.

Plus you don’t need to give participants in a memorial service a personal memento.

For my FIL’s memorial, we had no idea how many people would attend or stay for lunch so we just ordered large deli platters with an assortment of breads with the usual beverages. There was some leftovers but those were divvied up among family and friends. Perhaps you are making this fancier than the occasion requires.

Grief leads some to anger and resentment. Please don’t be angry at your dad’s friends and relatives now.

Anonymous wrote:Never once in my life have I been asked to RSVP for a memorial service.

me either

OP, the pettiness out of you is ridiculous. Just pick up the phone, it's not difficult.

I have been to (too) many memorial services and I've never had to RSVP. Maybe there are people like me who simply are unaccustomed to the idea of needing to RSVP to an occasion to memorialize the death of a loved one.

I’m sorry for your loss. You should call them. It will be less stressful for you in the long run.

If something is important, you don’t use a “paperless invite,” which can get lost in spam, or old people don’t know how to deal with.

Pick up the phone.

How many people neglected to RSVP? If it's something like 10, I'd just assume half are coming and ballpark it for the caterer. If it's really going to stress you out, then just call them. And I'm sorry for your loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I do the reverse. I say something like, "if you would like to come please rsvp by xx date.

After that, all revert to a "No" if they haven't responded.

I'm not chasing anyone

It’s mean to prevent someone from attending their brother’s funeral because they forgot to return an email. Especially since that brother is probably over 65.

Just call them. They probably didn’t know they needed to RSVP, and they are grieving too.

+1

It wouldn't occur to me to RSVP for a memorial service, and it would never occur to me to exclude someone from one because they didn't RSVP. Call them, say the caterer needs a head count and ask if they are coming.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I do the reverse. I say something like, "if you would like to come please rsvp by xx date.

After that, all revert to a "No" if they haven't responded.

I'm not chasing anyone

It’s mean to prevent someone from attending their brother’s funeral because they forgot to return an email. Especially since that brother is probably over 65.

Just call them. They probably didn’t know they needed to RSVP, and they are grieving too.

Op, I do the reverse. I say something like, "if you would like to come please rsvp by xx date.

After that, all revert to a "No" if they haven't responded.

I'm not chasing anyone

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just call them, its not a big deal. They probably opened it, thought "Oh I need to talk to X about this" and then stuff happened and they forgot. During non pandemic times people still forget things like this, add in the logistics of the pandemic and it is worse. They aren't doing it to be rude. they aren't doing it because they are jerks. And it is no big deal for you to say "Hey! Caterer needs a head count and I was wondering if you guys were going to make it!"

Stop trying to make this into something its not.

What are the logistics of the pandemic in regards to a memorial service?

Do they have to travel? Are they going to an area with a lot of cases? Do they need to worry about catching Covid even if they are vaccinated? Are they comfortable being around a group of unmasked people (since they will be eating). I'm not even super super Covid cautious and even I recognize that going to group events isnt as easy as. It used. To be