Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Thanks for the replies.

For the record, I don’t treat him like he’s doing something dumb or that he is lacking... I just silently wonder.

I do understand that he has to grow but it’s just sometimes I think on of myself at his age and how I was babysitting... I don’t think we would trust him to babysit anyone’s kids. It’s not that he isn’t a sweet, loving boy but he is just not good a problem solving. That’s why I was wondering if this is something that can improve or is it too late.

You do realize your memory of yourself is not reliable? Perhaps you should use some critical thinking skills?

Yeah, I babysat all through 10-14 and NONE of the parents should have let me but I felt like I was responsible. But if I think through actual instances of trying to handle things I was way in over my head. Times were different then. (Also, girls mature faster than boys).

But, yes, all this can be taught. Modeling decisions aloud, explaining the rationale behind decisions, asking questions that encourage a kid to think.

Geese. Just tell him twice it’s to help the wound heal without infection. And get to a scab (ie the skin protects the body).
If he still doesn’t understand after that, he’s on his own.

Anonymous wrote:Op again:

I’d also like to say that there’s a difference between me wondering these things in my own head vs actually telling him “hey dude you don’t have any common sense”. I always am patient with him and try to see where he is coming from in his reasoning, but I’m wondering. I thought an anon forum would be a good place to use as a sounding board for the things I can’t say out loud.

Yes he might be the quirky absent minded professor type and indeed not have any common sense. I wouldn’t want to enable him or be codependent for life though. Maybe get him an executive functioning coach.

Agree with others: the adults in his life need to narrate what to do, how and when.

Use all the teaching moments you can find. Provide little life hacks, ask him what he thinks or how to best do something.

If you all are doing that and over and over he’s just careless or thoughtless, maybe it’s ADD or ASD and there may or may not be something that can help him focus or pay attention. Anything hereditary going on??

Ha. My 14-year old would ignore the neosporin suggestion, tell me he's doing it,,,until it was infected.

For me, late 30s.

I still do things like this all the time, though it's true I have ADHD. The other day I was in Whole Foods returning an Amazon package and then planning to buy a few things. The (fire?) alarm went off, but the employees continued working like it was nothing, so I followed their lead and stayed in the store. It went on several minutes and when I went up to Customer Service to wait to hand off my return, I found it was even louder there. Like a lot of people with ADHD, I have some sensory issues, so I was holding my return package in one arm and then wrapping my ENTIRE OTHER ARM around my head to ineffectively block some of the noise, like a weirdo. It took me a couple minutes to realize I was wearing headphones/earbuds around my neck and could have put them in my ears. And until just now to realize I could have at least put my package IN MY CART while I was waiting if I wanted to use both of my hands to cover my ears.

So to answer your question, I'm hoping 44.

Op again:

I’d also like to say that there’s a difference between me wondering these things in my own head vs actually telling him “hey dude you don’t have any common sense”. I always am patient with him and try to see where he is coming from in his reasoning, but I’m wondering. I thought an anon forum would be a good place to use as a sounding board for the things I can’t say out loud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
YOU need to explain in the beginning. "You use the Neosporin until the scab heals and falls off."

You remind me of my father, OP, who somehow believed that children magically knew how to do things and then could be yelled at or mocked because they didn't do them perfectly, simply because his children were bright.

It's up to you as an adult to teach. Actually explain to your stepson how the world works. Then he can develop critical thinking skills, because he has basic understanding.

At 14, he should be able to read. That is 8th grade. Neosporin has some instructions on it.

You really don’t want to help him, which is what stinks the most here. You want to denigrate him. Absolutely unbelievable.

Op here: I didn’t post the comment about reading the label.

If he goes to college, hopefully he’ll have a required Critical Thinking course. Until then, just keep explaining things and laugh it off.

Definitely spend some time connecting those dots for him. May be obvious to you, but not to him, yet.