Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 09:22     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband told me his best friend from college who married quite young drunkenly cheated a few times in the first year of marriage and also on his bachelor party. Never told his wife and she's totally oblivious to all of it. Claims he hasn't since. They've been married 20 years!


Your husband most likely has as well. Men/women with friends that did/do this almost always have as well.


Omg. Yes! For years I heard about my husband’s best friend that was cheating on wife. My husband always acted like it was wrong and we’d be like “I can’t believe he’s doing that”. Well- guess what? 18 years in I found out (completely blindsided!!) my husband was cheating. Never ever in a million years would I (or his/my family) have thought he’d ever do this. Perfect family man and husband and all. We had a great sex life/great marriage/relationship.

I have heard from numerous other people similar stories. It’s some weird psychological way of confessing without confessing and testing the waters.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 09:18     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:My husband told me his best friend from college who married quite young drunkenly cheated a few times in the first year of marriage and also on his bachelor party. Never told his wife and she's totally oblivious to all of it. Claims he hasn't since. They've been married 20 years!


Your husband most likely has as well. Men/women with friends that did/do this almost always have as well.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 08:51     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
My husband told me his best friend from college who married quite young drunkenly cheated a few times in the first year of marriage and also on his bachelor party. Never told his wife and she's totally oblivious to all of it. Claims he hasn't since. They've been married 20 years!
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 08:40     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:I look back on my long term affair (10 years) not with regret but sadness.

He filled a giant void in my life at the time and it was very hard to end it (took work sex scandal that happened when he had affair with someone else in time when we only saw each other twice a year). And he was great lover.

But proved to me I suck at picking men so I have avoided relationships since then. Busy with work and being single mom and it’s okay


You think?!?!!

For godsakes, you picked a MARRIED man. A dishonest cheater. He had already proven to be a liar before you even started seeing him (he's betraying his wife).

It really isn't too difficult to avoid that. I don't think it's a picker when people choose to hook up with married people (or vice versa), it's a mental issue or past unprocessed trauma from childhood.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 01:07     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
I look back on my long term affair (10 years) not with regret but sadness.

He filled a giant void in my life at the time and it was very hard to end it (took work sex scandal that happened when he had affair with someone else in time when we only saw each other twice a year). And he was great lover.

But proved to me I suck at picking men so I have avoided relationships since then. Busy with work and being single mom and it’s okay
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 22:47     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Yes, zero regret. We’re married too! Best damn decision I ever made.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 22:45     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Zero regret. We married.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 22:40     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:Man here. Totally regret it. Marriage was very distant by the time I "went out," but we really did not work on the marriage before. Never got caught, but ended up leaving my wife after 27 years. We were friends and that was it, the kids were out of college. I should have tried to work on things, but we were not compatable in the end. I (we) should have worked on it. If it did not work then we should have split and then looked elsewhere. I still feel like a pig about the whole thing.


Honestly, when you say you were not compatible even without trying, it's already making a decision and so not giving your all. I realize you didn't try anyway but the point is that either you think you can or can't....both are true. You still have not realized that it's about your mindset and you got the results you wanted (cheating/failure in marriage etc.). You're blaming the marriage but it sounds like it's a you problem. It's too bad that others faced consequences and that you still aren't very aware of your thought processes.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 22:21     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:Man here. Totally regret it. Marriage was very distant by the time I "went out," but we really did not work on the marriage before. Never got caught, but ended up leaving my wife after 27 years. We were friends and that was it, the kids were out of college. I should have tried to work on things, but we were not compatable in the end. I (we) should have worked on it. If it did not work then we should have split and then looked elsewhere. I still feel like a pig about the whole thing.


So you ended up with no wife AND without the AP after 27!years? What was the point of that?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 22:16     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:Very fondly. We were in love, but life moved on and while we are no longer in an affair, we remain friends.


Tell me about this. What happened to the passion that enabled you to remain friends?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 22:15     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, because he turned out to be a horrible person (for more than just the affair), and I am ashamed that I associated with someone like that.


Why what happened?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 15:17     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't really regret it, but I do regret being careless because my kids found out. Still dealing with the fallout from that.


Just shows that tigers don't change their stripes (when it comes to what they value and who they put first).


I have come to the conclusion that people who cheat lack empathy. I don’t know that you can fix that. Sad for their families who have to live with the fallout.


I agree with the OP of this thread - I regret my kids found out. I also agree that people who cheat - at least me - have no empathy. I fake it all the time. Nobody knows that I don't really care.

I'm NOT a narcissist. I just don't really FEEL that much for other people.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 12:35     Subject: If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Man here. Totally regret it. Marriage was very distant by the time I "went out," but we really did not work on the marriage before. Never got caught, but ended up leaving my wife after 27 years. We were friends and that was it, the kids were out of college. I should have tried to work on things, but we were not compatable in the end. I (we) should have worked on it. If it did not work then we should have split and then looked elsewhere. I still feel like a pig about the whole thing.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 20:15     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Anonymous wrote:Most Women don’t have regrets because by the time they cheat they have checked out if the marriage and are looking for an exit. Only 33% report having happy marriages. They are looking for an emotional connection along with the physical.

Men are much different. 65% report being in happy to e trend my happy affairs. The few I knew that were caught in my lifetime had severe remorse. Got into individual therapy and really did change. Of course, some men don’t care like these women posting in this thread. For the ones I know, they say seeing their wife’s hurt and pain was unbearable and if they could go back in time they never would have done it.


Yeah. Men see it as pump and dump. They usually affair down.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 16:12     Subject: Re:If you ever had an affair, how do you look back on it?
Most Women don’t have regrets because by the time they cheat they have checked out if the marriage and are looking for an exit. Only 33% report having happy marriages. They are looking for an emotional connection along with the physical.

Men are much different. 65% report being in happy to e trend my happy affairs. The few I knew that were caught in my lifetime had severe remorse. Got into individual therapy and really did change. Of course, some men don’t care like these women posting in this thread. For the ones I know, they say seeing their wife’s hurt and pain was unbearable and if they could go back in time they never would have done it.