Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre covid he went out to bars alone about 4x per month. He would watch a game and order wings and just drink, I guess. We have very young children and this past time would take up about half of a weekend day so I found it extremely annoying. He also would act like an ass when he'd get drunk and I didn't like that either.

He has since quit drinking and our relationship has vastly improved.

Has his relationship suffered with the guys he hung out with?

I would hope his relationship with his wife and kids was the priority.

Sure. But there are trade offs. When the kids are grown up, there's a good chance he won't have many friends of his own.

About once a month dh and I go out with our friends alone. Not to typical bars though. Dh and his friends go to this nostalgia arcade bar where they can have some beers and play old school nintendo and arcade games. Or they will head to one of the local breweries. My friends and I will usually do vineyards or something similarly laid back.

If during the week, home around 10. If on weekend, usually 11-12. I'm more likely to stay out later than DH.

Always ends with a young woman

Yea, maybe a couple times a month. Pretty basic rules, don't stay out too late, no gross bars like Hooters, you still gotta help with the kids in the morning, don't get drunk.

I'd like to go out with my female friends just as often, but unfortunately most don't want to or their H's throw a fit. Women get a shit deal, ha.

H and I also like to go out when we can. I think we have more fun at bars with each other than with friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre covid he went out to bars alone about 4x per month. He would watch a game and order wings and just drink, I guess. We have very young children and this past time would take up about half of a weekend day so I found it extremely annoying. He also would act like an ass when he'd get drunk and I didn't like that either.

He has since quit drinking and our relationship has vastly improved.

Has his relationship suffered with the guys he hung out with?

I would hope his relationship with his wife and kids was the priority.

Anonymous wrote:Pre covid he went out to bars alone about 4x per month. He would watch a game and order wings and just drink, I guess. We have very young children and this past time would take up about half of a weekend day so I found it extremely annoying. He also would act like an ass when he'd get drunk and I didn't like that either.

He has since quit drinking and our relationship has vastly improved.

Has his relationship suffered with the guys he hung out with?

Anonymous wrote:I wish DH would do it more. Like most men his age, he doesn’t have as many friends as he should.

My wife wishes I would more as well. Problem is that she put the kibosh on such behavior when the kids were young. That wasn't entirely unreasonable because the kids required more attention. I was at work all day, so hanging out with my buddies in the evening meant extra work for her. So, my buddies and I stopped hanging out. (Most of them went through something similar.) She maintained her friend network because parenting and hanging out with friends is good for the moms and the kids who play together. Now that the kids are older, I'm dependent on the mom-network she maintained when the kids were younger and I was being a good dad but getting cut off from my friends. Hopefully I can patch some of my friend network back together.

DH goes out to business dinners two or three times per month. Home by about 8:30 pm, sometimes toting left over dessert for the kids. (I told him maybe best not to do that, but lol.) Most times I already know the people he’s meeting with. I was reflecting on how people think that opportunities to run errands, etc, is an opportunity to cheat. I guess a person could try to do so in this case, but the gyrations you’d have to go through (getting people to cover for you; getting a dessert and take home bag from the restaurant) would be heroic to show he is thinking of family. My view is you need to look at someone’s actions, not their words. By their behavior, are they showing that they love and respect you and are thinking of you. Going out to the bars without you several times a week (absent knowing other details) doesn’t sound that thoughtful. Having a social life in addition to family life is reasonable provided you two are still connecting with each other. How does your DH treat you at home? What would his response be if you wanted to go out with him sometimes? And very importantly - how sketchy or not is he with phone use? Looking at his actions surrounding his outside social activities likely will provide the answers you want. But at the end of the day, you either trust your spouse or you don’t. If you don’t, it probably is not an ideal situation for you.

Anonymous wrote:Prepandemic mine did. Maybe once a month. Usually to watch a game and have a couple beers with long-term make friends. They are a good looking group so I don’t doubt women have tried to hit it off with them. However, he’s never come home later than expected, smelled of perfume, or anything like that.

DH and I are in our 50s and this is typical (prepandemic) for us, too. DH would also, once or twice a year, go out to visit his best friend (guy who introduced us) who now lives in the midwest. Our DS (18) has gone with him the last couple of years for a 'guys weekend'. They usually go to a sporting event and out a couple nights to places under-aged DS can also go. I'm fine with it. These guys would also come to our house regularly to watch games on TV.

Pre covid he went out to bars alone about 4x per month. He would watch a game and order wings and just drink, I guess. We have very young children and this past time would take up about half of a weekend day so I found it extremely annoying. He also would act like an ass when he'd get drunk and I didn't like that either.

He has since quit drinking and our relationship has vastly improved.

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH go out for random nights on the town without you? Not a bachelor or bday party, just meeting friends?

If so, about how often? What time does he come home? Do you do the same?

Are you comfortable with this? Or wish he did less? Or think he should do more?

Trying to get a sense of the landscape of experience out there. I'm asking my friends too.

My LH used to go out to clubs to see bands and DJs. I was always welcome to go but he liked to stay out later than I did. He’d go alone. They were open til 4 and he’d roll in between 3-5. We didn’t have kids, and it was probably once or twice a month. I trusted that he wasn’t cheating, he’d have a hand stamp, etc. I was his wife, not his keeper.

We live in a gated community and have a couple of bars in the community. Occasionally we will go to weekly happy hour. DH will go to bar after a round of golf, we will go to pool bar for an early afternoon or sunset cocktail with friends.

He goes to a lot of meeting at hotel or restaurant bars.

Anonymous wrote:I wish DH would do it more. Like most men his age, he doesn’t have as many friends as he should.

Same with mine! Given the choice between a husband who goes out too much or not enough, I'll GLADLY take not enough - but I do wish he had a couple of friends he could go do stuff with every once in a while. Most of his friends live in other cities. I feel like Twitter has taken the place of friends with him anymore, btu that is a topic for another thread.

Anyway - no, never goes out to bars without me. Back when we were a little younger - we're in our late 40s now - he did have plans with friends sometimes without me. Me thinking he should have a few more friends is all on me though - he's perfectly happy with how things are.

Anonymous wrote:I wish DH would do it more. Like most men his age, he doesn’t have as many friends as he should.

+1

Every married person (make or female) I know that does this regularly is cheating.