Anonymous
08/26/2021 17:38
Subject: Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:We just moved and I went through my husband's papers to pare everything down into fewer boxes. His divorce papers from his prior marriage are in there. They are 25 years old now and decaying, actually (because he sucks at packing).
There were some unpleasant things for "me" to read. I don't want his kids seeing it someday, and I actually had a talk with him about that. He agreed, and dumped the papers. He went through two child support reconsideration motions. The only divorce paper necessary was the original child custody and support order. The rest is current salary and child-related expenses. And that's real time, not historical. There's really no need to keep anything other than the divorce decree. And I can't recall a time he has needed that, either. We didn't even need it when he and I got married to prove he was actually divorced.
What stuff was unpleasant for you to read? Unflattering things about your now-husband?
Anonymous
08/26/2021 16:43
Subject: Did you keep records from your divorce?
I’m keeping it. Even 20 years later, he still tries to gaslight me.
My kids are old enough to know he’s a douche. If I die and they find it, that is his problem, not mine. It is not my tole in life to cover up for him.
My kids are old enough to know he’s a douche. If I die and they find it, that is his problem, not mine. It is not my tole in life to cover up for him.
Anonymous
08/26/2021 14:42
Subject: Did you keep records from your divorce?
keep it all.
many teaching moments.
many teaching moments.
Anonymous
08/26/2021 12:25
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.
You are an absolutely garbage parent and person, regardless of the details.
- Child of an acrimonious divorce
Right? He still doesn't understand why that poor woman had to lie. Dude, your kids will hate you, trust me.
Anonymous
08/26/2021 12:22
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.
You are an absolutely garbage parent and person, regardless of the details.
- Child of an acrimonious divorce
Not so fast. I tend to look down on the person behaving badly versus the postman bringing the news.
NP - kids don't need or want the dirty details. Anything more than a brief and factual account of your story is TMI. They will know you by the character they've seen in each of you and that you continue to show them. Dumping a huge pile of gross facts on them might "prove" whatever you're still trying to litigate, but it's not going to make them think any better of you.
What are you imagining is going to be helpful about kids seeing illicit photos of their parent or seeing transcripts of poisonous conversations? This is your work to deal with, not theirs.
NP again - FWIW, this is to add that I'm a therapist who makes my living helping adults come to terms with the terrible emotional boundaries in their families and the many ways it's negatively affected their family and professional lives.
Anonymous
08/26/2021 12:20
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.
You are an absolutely garbage parent and person, regardless of the details.
- Child of an acrimonious divorce
Not so fast. I tend to look down on the person behaving badly versus the postman bringing the news.
NP - kids don't need or want the dirty details. Anything more than a brief and factual account of your story is TMI. They will know you by the character they've seen in each of you and that you continue to show them. Dumping a huge pile of gross facts on them might "prove" whatever you're still trying to litigate, but it's not going to make them think any better of you.
What are you imagining is going to be helpful about kids seeing illicit photos of their parent or seeing transcripts of poisonous conversations? This is your work to deal with, not theirs.
Anonymous
08/26/2021 12:01
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.
You are an absolutely garbage parent and person, regardless of the details.
- Child of an acrimonious divorce
Not so fast. I tend to look down on the person behaving badly versus the postman bringing the news.
Anonymous
08/26/2021 12:00
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.
I don't think kids need every detail, but I know from day one they will ask why the family is breaking up.
Yes they want to know why they have to go to two homes, and put up with new steps, and others they don't want in their life.
Every child deserves to know the basics of why there is a divorce. Either you both couldn't get along, or one decided to start dating or what. Then try and move on after you've been truthful.
There's no way around ignoring a child's questions. If you put them off they will continue to ask and dig as they get older. Do you want the aunt or uncle telling them?
Anonymous
08/26/2021 11:29
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
Anonymous wrote:I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.
You are an absolutely garbage parent and person, regardless of the details.
- Child of an acrimonious divorce
Anonymous
08/26/2021 11:15
Subject: Re:Did you keep records from your divorce?
I have five file boxes of records from the divorce. Kept so when the kids are adults I can show them what a huge liar their mother is.