Anonymous wrote:And as a result there is literally no one to speak to about it. It’s not a financial problem (obviously), but it’s lonely and awkward. I’m sure this post will draw a bunch of “humblebrag” (or maybe outright brag) or violin complaints and probably a number of posters calling me a troll (that is what they always do to really high dollar posters). And then there will be a bunch of people suggesting that I speak to a financial advisor or attorney experienced with very high net worth and income without realizing that doing so is still awkward and unrelatable (sort of like a paid friend). It’s even worse if you are younger. Still at the moment it would be nice to know that there are others who experience the same and I’m not alone.

Go to r/fatfire and you’ll find plenty of scourges like yourself.

Can I have some money? Maybe when you give me some money you can talk to people. Let me know if you want my Venmo or cashapp so I can help through this difficult process.

I have a friend who recently went from $60K/year graphic designer to $5m+ due to crypto currency. The vast majority of his friends are artists who live a hand to mouth existence.

He literally has no one to talk with about this. We have a few other buddies who also made big money on crypto, but they were already working in finance and living the wealthy life.

I’ve advised him to let the money sit for a year and figure out what he wants to do. The only big purchase he made was $50K new Jeep. He recently moved out of his rental loft (with no bathroom or a real kitchen) and began renting a modest bungalow. He hired a good tax accountant who specializes in managing large unrealized gains.

The hardest part, in my view, is that he quit his job. I really don’t blame him; he had a sh#t job and a terrible boss. All his friends are working and so he has all this time on his hands. He has a dog, but no significant other or kids. He’s been having the most fun helping his friends with their art projects, helping them with commercial film/tv/fashion shoots. He’s helped underwrite a private dining supper club for one of his friends, which seems to be taking off.

I now understand why country clubs exist - it’s for rich guys who don’t work to sit around and fill their time. You’re around other people in the same predicament. But, honestly, work gives us a purpose. Even my friend appreciates that and he’s trying to figure out the next step in his career.

In short, try to keep yourself grounded. The money gives you options, for sure. But really, you shouldn’t want to change your life all that much if you were already truly happy. Surrounding yourself with new, rich friends seems to bring its own set of massive problems - competition, overspending, engaging in riskier investments, etc.

Op, I get that if you such an outliner, you are uniquely vulnerable. Your psyche is vulnerable. There is a disconnect between you and others and perhaps how they react to you, in all aspects of your life. That could be. That disconnect would feel quite isolating, wondering, do people like you for you? Why do they like you? Is every interaction affected by your monetary situation. And what are you really, what are you at your core?

You probably get respite being in large group situations, and being anonymous. Famous people deal with similar challenges. They are in danger of losing a private persona. Their public persona dominates to such a degree, and for so long, often that is all that remains of the individual. And that is a tremendous loss.

You need to try harder to understand other people’s feelings about their struggles. You don’t have to have the same struggles.

Op, call me and show me! so I can relate to you, please?
Lol, but seriously I need a mentor!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we are quite wealthy--probabaly more than you OP, and I have no experience like you describe, so I do believe you are a troll.

How much do you make/ is your net worth?

200 million net worth

Definitely set up a family foundation; that can get rid of a significant chunk.

You say you feel awkward going to a financial advisor--how are you managing this? You could of course do the 3 fund portfolio at Vanguard, which probably would do as well as putting it at Brown Brothers Harriman, but you really do need a trust and estates lawyer.

Op here. I don’t feel awkward going to a financial advisor or estate planning attorney. Nor am I concerned about donating a sufficient portion, funding my children or estate planning and bequests. But those things all make feel less connected to the real world. FYI, the $200M net worth poster is not me.

Anonymous wrote:What are your hobbies? Do you have any favorite charities? My own personal dream would be to set up a family foundation and spend my time researching what I would like to allocate funds to. You can even gift individuals with a family foundation so you could be a secret Santa all year around.

Op here. I like to think they we don’t spend it too ostentatiously and that we are generous with our money, not am I uncomfortable having it. We can live an incredible life/ retirement, fund charities generously and leave a lot to worthy institutions when we pass. But none of those things makes me feel out of touch with others. In fact, it only amplifies the feeling.

Of course there are others. They just don’t talk about it. Travel a ton. Invite friends. Get a financial advisor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we are quite wealthy--probabaly more than you OP, and I have no experience like you describe, so I do believe you are a troll.

How much do you make/ is your net worth?

200 million net worth

Definitely set up a family foundation; that can get rid of a significant chunk.

You say you feel awkward going to a financial advisor--how are you managing this? You could of course do the 3 fund portfolio at Vanguard, which probably would do as well as putting it at Brown Brothers Harriman, but you really do need a trust and estates lawyer.

Maybe you should see a shrink! We have a net worth higher than we ever imagined - think high eight figures - but our concept of money hasn’t changed because our lifestyle hasn’t really changed in the past 15-20 years. Our net worth has grown but that’s the only thing that’s changed. We have the same friends, the same type house though we do now have a vacation home. Yes, we do fly first class and we didn’t ten years ago. Our biggest increase in spending has been to charity and to grandchildren 529 plans. I drive a 7 year old Subaru SUV which I love and my husband buys used cars. He’s always done that.

Use your money to help others.

You need to find things you like that are beyond money. Then, you can relate to people through your interests.

Do you like to cook? Go out to restaurants? Do you like theatre or the movies? What do you like to read? Maybe find a themed book club. Do you like boats? Do you like traveling? Or Hiking? Are you interested in history? Gardening? You could farm put the crappy part of gardening and do the fun bits. Do you have a faith? Are you interested in exploring different religions? Are you interested in woodworking? Do you like to collect things? Do you have a cause you would like to support? Are you interested in politics?

OP, I went from very poor as a kid and young adult to wealthy. Part of that was I was very driven in school as I didn't want to be poor again (meaning, avoiding financial insecurity is a big motivator)

So, anyways, that mindset is very different than people who have grown up with money (or grown up financially secure, even if not rich). So, if you are dealing with people who either don't have a lot of money, or dealing with people who have always had a lot of money, both experiences can make you feel like there is a disconnect.

So yes, finding people that are similarly situated is a good strategy (but you won't find that sympathy here, so go for real life)

Separate from the above: I disagree with you re your mindset about "paid friends." You need the financial advisor or attorneys. They are essential for their knowledge of how to deal with wealth.

As for a PP's comment that therapist not being sympathetic: I got one when my kid got really sick while my mom was dying and I was an anxious mess. My therapist wanted her clients to pay by check (she's older and didn't want to venmo etc). I discovered she had not cashed about a year's worth of my checks. It was crazy. At one point she was telling me not to worry about it, it was all her mistake and any check we couldn't find she would just not take payment on.

My point is, putting thoughts of how badly my therapist handles money aside, 1) she's an amazing therapist, and 2) She clearly isn't living paycheck to paycheck if she can not noticed that she has not cashed around 52 checks! Just because therapists don't make millions of dollars doesn't mean they don't have other sources of income; there are rich ones and poor ones. And they can help you. And I do see my therapist as sort of a "paid friend." OP, if you get ONE thing out of my post, I hope you get this: It's okay to have a few paid friends. I had to get over that, too. It's hubris. Get over it and get more people who are on your side in your life.

I get what you're saying OP. Our income is "only" $500K (sounds like yours might be 5 million) but I frequently feel awkward spending money. I grew up having to think through every purchase.
My college friends all live elsewhere in the US and all make significantly less than we do (HHIs of $150-200K). when we get together I'm the akward outlier. I much prefer being the comparatively
poor friend (which I am in several of my DC social circles). In my experience, it's much less awkward to be poor than to be rich. (of course, I'm not actually anywhere near poor---which is why being poor is not painful but you get my point).