Anonymous
08/19/2021 13:18
Subject: Re:My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound pretty level-headed. Ignore your mom, who sounds nuts.
OP here. Thank you. It just hurts a lot to see her like this. She's literally my only family and our relationship has been great prior to this.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 13:11
Subject: Re:My mom hates my fiancé
OP, you sound pretty level-headed. Ignore your mom, who sounds nuts.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 13:11
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:During this fight was your fiancee calling you names, swearing at you or threatening you?
OP here.
Yes, it got pretty nasty with each other. A bad moment for both of us.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 13:06
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
During this fight was your fiancee calling you names, swearing at you or threatening you?
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:41
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Why have you been engaged for 4 years?
What difference does this make? It's completely off-topic as to the problem and it is just being nosy.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:40
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Trust me, she will show up. Don't let her do this, or she will be running your life forever. Like PP said, she's not a gold digger- you are in the navy. She's a #boymom
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:23
Subject: Re:My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here.
1. Not a race/class issue. Fiancée is white with MC background.
2. About the long engagement. We were engaged when I was finishing my time in the navy and waited until we could afford a house and wedding without taking on debt. Covid added a year to our engagement time.
I appreciate the helpful responses. This is agonizing on many levels for both of us. I don’t know how my mom will be long term.
Why does she think your fiancée is a “thug”?
OP Here.
Mom has 3 main complaints (my thoughts in parentheses):
1. Fiancee doesn't appreciate how hard I've worked and never will. Basically mom thinks that fiancée is a golddigger. (We bought a nice house recently and the down payment money came from my savings, I'm fine with that because we're a partnership on other fronts).
2. Fiancee apparently didn't respectfully converse with my mom the last few times they met (this is all pre-covid, I don't remember these interactions but I find it hard to believe my fiancee would say anything remotely inappropriate) (also, she is bringing this up 2 years after the fact which just seems odd).
3. My fiancee and I had a bad fight about 3 weeks ago surrounding wedding planning and my mom overheard the fight. Since then she's been expressing her doubts about fiancee being "understanding" or "flexible". (I think all couples fight during stressful times, this was the first time my mom heard about one of our fights).
Do not fight in front of other people, that should be a rule. Especially someone like your mom.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:13
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Does your mom have siblings or close friends who can talk some sense into her? As an outsider, it seems pretty clear that the fact your father passed away many years ago is causing her to see your upcoming wedding as a loss to her. Hopefully this is a temporary flip-out (much like the fight you had with your fiancee a few weeks ago was a temporary blip as well). Stay the course, continue with the wedding plans, tell your mom you love her and you want her to be there and that your door is always open to her, but that you are committed to your fiancee and movign forward with the wedding whether she chooses to be there or not.
In other words, de-escalate the situation, take the high road, stay the steady course, do not get sucked into the drama she's creating. She'll either get over it, or she won't, but either way, staying calm will lead to the best outcome for you and your soon-to-be wife.
In other words, de-escalate the situation, take the high road, stay the steady course, do not get sucked into the drama she's creating. She'll either get over it, or she won't, but either way, staying calm will lead to the best outcome for you and your soon-to-be wife.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:11
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have siblings that could shed some light on your mother’s reaction? Your mom seems over the top.
OP here. Only child. Father passed 20 years ago.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Territorial mother. Now that things are getting real, she's afraid of losing you. Hopefully she'll calm down after the wedding and with you continuing to man that boundary regarding how your wife gets treated. You are a team. Mom needs to learn that you having a life partner isn't a loss.
OP here. Thanks, but not having her there is deep cut to both of us psychologically. Just surreal she's acting like this now...
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:08
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Dude, you were in the Navy when you got engaged. No offense, but fiancee can't be THAT much of a gold digger unless I am wildly misinformed about military salaries!
2 year old conversation issues are off the table as objections, IMO.
Shut your mom down when she expresses doubts. Tell her you don't want to hear negative comments about your soon to be wife. Ever.
2 year old conversation issues are off the table as objections, IMO.
Shut your mom down when she expresses doubts. Tell her you don't want to hear negative comments about your soon to be wife. Ever.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:07
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have siblings that could shed some light on your mother’s reaction? Your mom seems over the top.
OP here. Only child. Father passed 20 years ago.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Territorial mother. Now that things are getting real, she's afraid of losing you. Hopefully she'll calm down after the wedding and with you continuing to man that boundary regarding how your wife gets treated. You are a team. Mom needs to learn that you having a life partner isn't a loss.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:03
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have siblings that could shed some light on your mother’s reaction? Your mom seems over the top.
OP here. Only child. Father passed 20 years ago.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:03
Subject: Re:My mom hates my fiancé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here.
1. Not a race/class issue. Fiancée is white with MC background.
2. About the long engagement. We were engaged when I was finishing my time in the navy and waited until we could afford a house and wedding without taking on debt. Covid added a year to our engagement time.
I appreciate the helpful responses. This is agonizing on many levels for both of us. I don’t know how my mom will be long term.
Why does she think your fiancée is a “thug”?
OP Here.
Mom has 3 main complaints (my thoughts in parentheses):
1. Fiancee doesn't appreciate how hard I've worked and never will. Basically mom thinks that fiancée is a golddigger. (We bought a nice house recently and the down payment money came from my savings, I'm fine with that because we're a partnership on other fronts).
2. Fiancee apparently didn't respectfully converse with my mom the last few times they met (this is all pre-covid, I don't remember these interactions but I find it hard to believe my fiancee would say anything remotely inappropriate) (also, she is bringing this up 2 years after the fact which just seems odd).
3. My fiancee and I had a bad fight about 3 weeks ago surrounding wedding planning and my mom overheard the fight. Since then she's been expressing her doubts about fiancee being "understanding" or "flexible". (I think all couples fight during stressful times, this was the first time my mom heard about one of our fights).
Anonymous
08/19/2021 12:02
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
Can you clarify why you're thinking of canceling the wedding over this? I don't quite understand that if you are not planning on splitting up with your fiancee.
Anonymous
08/19/2021 11:59
Subject: My mom hates my fiancé
OP, do you have siblings that could shed some light on your mother’s reaction? Your mom seems over the top.