While I agree that a lot of it is temperament, kids still need to be taught financial management. And, like so many other important topics, it's not just a one time talk. It's a series of age-appropriate conversations over time highlighted with real world examples.

I've got a DH and 2 DSs with ADHD and 1 DD that does not. The biggest challenge with the ADHD-afflicted in our family is impulsivity and lack of fore-planning. Yes, they are well versed in the 'theory' of good financial choices/practices but because their execution is lacking, our (my approach) is different than with our DD who, more naturally, takes to this stuff.

Some things that I believe parents should help teach their kids:

-Total cost of ownership: It's not just the cost of purchasing a thing but the cost of operating and maintaining it. Sometimes it's better to pay more to acquire something because the long term costs are lower.
-Free trials: If you're really going to sign up to get something 'free' for 3 months, make sure you know how to get out of it BEFORE you sign up and set reminders to do that
-Check bank/credit card statements: It takes 5 minutes a month to review those statements. You never know what charge may slip in there or what your ADHD-afflicted DH has signed up (he's a 'free trial' king).
-Financial goals: We have long term (retirement/rainy day) and short term (vacation/tattoo/new car/etc.) financial goals that a portion of every pay check goals into.
-Retirement: This is a harder one for them to grasp so young but using their education funds as an example, they can see how compound interest works and saving a little bit over a long time can really add up.
-Housing costs: When the kids entered their teenaged years, we showed them what our house cost and would occasionally look up the costs of 'dream homes' and locations. TCO discussions were helpful here, too.
-Cost comparisons: The kids got better at this when it was their own money they were spending (AirPods, anyone?) but routinely do it now for things like college text books (rent/buy and from who).

Finally, we had discussions about 'treating' yourself. Sure, you can buy a whole box of popsicle at the grocery store for the price of a single one from the ice cream truck but it's okay, sometimes, to splurge. There's a difference between being thrifty and miserly. You CAN buy frivolous things that bring you joy, just plan for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just always refused to pay for anything that wasn't a necessity. Kids are resourceful. I have six kids. My oldest is 29, my youngest just turned 16. The older ones would totally roast him if he needed Mum to pay for things that he wants but does not need. He knows how to hustle better than most adults these days, and better than probably 99% of kids his age.

Or maybe your kid will learn that if you want to give your kid the occasional treat, you shouldn’t have six kids?

+1 who are these people with SIX friggin kids??

Some of it is personality. When mine were in ES I'd say I had one spender and one saver. The saver HATED to spend any bit of her allowance and had major buyers' remorse, no matter how much she'd wanted the thing. The spender always spent every bit on stuff like Pokemon cards, Nintendo games, snacks. But at some point, the spender got that out of his system. Now a teen he looks back at how much money he (in his words) "wasted" and is much more careful with spending. I think if we'd put a lot of restrictions on his allowance he would not have gotten to that realization on his own.

We are also generally very frugal and were never ones to go shopping for entertainment

Anonymous wrote:I just always refused to pay for anything that wasn't a necessity. Kids are resourceful. I have six kids. My oldest is 29, my youngest just turned 16. The older ones would totally roast him if he needed Mum to pay for things that he wants but does not need. He knows how to hustle better than most adults these days, and better than probably 99% of kids his age.

Or maybe your kid will learn that if you want to give your kid the occasional treat, you shouldn’t have six kids?

I have thought about this a lot. My kids (16 and 13) seem responsible with money but its really too early to say.

My parents taught me and my siblings about how to manage money fairly well without doing anything overt. I often wonder how they did it. I think it was by good modeling and being open about how they made decisions. We (siblings) are all neurotypical so that was sufficient. When I saw friends that didn't seem to know how to manage, they seemed to understand how they might negotiate with mom about a pair of new sneakers or whatever but never about how their family made overall choices. I have tried to expose my kids to our financial decisions as much as I can. Like my parents before me, I have always done things in percentages, or "lets say we have $100" scenarios. We dont tell our kids our HHI or how much we really have saved because, again, I never knew from my parents. I had a rough idea that they were middle to upper middle class - that was enough and the details did not matter.

Its a good question OP and I am following this thread with interest.

It comes down to personality.

I have zero limits on spending for our 16yo. But my kid is miserly. DS doesn't care about having the latest devices, nor clothes, nor much of anything. He skipped meals on a school trip because he didn't want to spend "extortionist $" (his words) on food. When he was younger, he asked once to make an in-app purchase as a birthday treat .. and never asked for anything like it since.

The one financial thing we do do is to make sure DS is involved in discussions about major purchases and investing. We don't hide any financial discussions from him. For ex. we presented him the pros & cons of keeping a property to rent out vs selling it and reinvesting the proceeds; we worked out a variety of scenarios in excel, talked about potential taxes, profits and depreciation and let him weigh in on it. One day he'll have to do the same, so I think it's good to talk through these types of decisions.

Also, since he was little, we've gradually put him in charge of investing his trust account. Once a quarter or so, we curate a short list of companies to invest in & he decides how much he wants to put where. I sign into the brokerage (as trustee) and then have him execute those stock purchases while we watch. The only rule we have is that the account maintain all long positions based on dividend reinvestment. He's definitely seen what 16y of disciplined savings, steady reinvestment and compounding can do and is very happy to keep it up.

Anonymous wrote:Having a job helps. Encouraging them to do things that are cheap or free before choosing to do something expensive. (Like getting books at the library; eating at home rather than always running out for Chipotle or Starbucks.) It's an ongoing process.

Agree. You have to be very consistent in this age of parenting because shockingly many people give their kids unlimited funds for takeout, coffee or whatever else. My teen feels it’s unfair but I have to do what I think is best for her long term.

Having a job helps. Encouraging them to do things that are cheap or free before choosing to do something expensive. (Like getting books at the library; eating at home rather than always running out for Chipotle or Starbucks.) It's an ongoing process.

Anonymous wrote:I just always refused to pay for anything that wasn't a necessity. Kids are resourceful. I have six kids. My oldest is 29, my youngest just turned 16. The older ones would totally roast him if he needed Mum to pay for things that he wants but does not need. He knows how to hustle better than most adults these days, and better than probably 99% of kids his age.

My eyes just rolled out of my head.

Anonymous wrote:I just always refused to pay for anything that wasn't a necessity. Kids are resourceful. I have six kids. My oldest is 29, my youngest just turned 16. The older ones would totally roast him if he needed Mum to pay for things that he wants but does not need. He knows how to hustle better than most adults these days, and better than probably 99% of kids his age.

The sanctimonious six kid mom is back.

Anonymous wrote:When the money is gone it’s gone and you don’t bail them out. This started when they were tiny. If you blow your whole wad early, no toys at Target later until next allowance. Natural consequences.

+1

Anonymous wrote:It's their temperament. Do not agonize over the importance of "teaching" anything in particular.

+1

It's their temperament. Do not agonize over the importance of "teaching" anything in particular.

When the money is gone it’s gone and you don’t bail them out. This started when they were tiny. If you blow your whole wad early, no toys at Target later until next allowance. Natural consequences.

I just always refused to pay for anything that wasn't a necessity. Kids are resourceful. I have six kids. My oldest is 29, my youngest just turned 16. The older ones would totally roast him if he needed Mum to pay for things that he wants but does not need. He knows how to hustle better than most adults these days, and better than probably 99% of kids his age.