I think it is smart to downsize to a place with minimal upkeep wherever you decide to be from 60+. We have seen elderly family and friends move to be closer to their children in 70s or 80s because they need the support that their peers cannot provide. It’s so much easier to move when you don’t have a houseful of possessions to deal with.

Anonymous wrote:That's what I like about Frederick, MD. It has a somewhat Massachusetts-y feel, but without the really prolonged cold weather and it's close to the train into DC and to Dulles.

Um, no.

Also, the cold is a feature, not a bug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

I think it sounds really nice. I totally miss New England. As long as you're willing to move again when you can no longer deal with the snow and ice. It's a huge fall risk.

they don’t get as much snow as they used to

I know, but it is still more than I want to deal with. And slightly warmer weather can mean more freezing rain, snow fog, icy driveways, etc. Can be more dangerous than just snow.

We have a home near Chicago because all of our kids and grandkids are nearby but we also have a home in Florida in an area where many of our Chicago friends have places. We’ve made a lot of new friends in Florida so that is really nice. Our situation so far is ideal but who knows what it will be like in 15 years when we are 85.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

I think it sounds really nice. I totally miss New England. As long as you're willing to move again when you can no longer deal with the snow and ice. It's a huge fall risk.

they don’t get as much snow as they used to

That's what I like about Frederick, MD. It has a somewhat Massachusetts-y feel, but without the really prolonged cold weather and it's close to the train into DC and to Dulles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

I think it sounds really nice. I totally miss New England. As long as you're willing to move again when you can no longer deal with the snow and ice. It's a huge fall risk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

We have similar plans. Western MA is on our list. We have two sets of couple friends who live in Northampton. So, we are focusing there. My sister lives outside of Hartford, so we are looking there too. We checked out Burlington in the spring. On paper it had nearly everything on our list, but I wasn’t as thrilled as I thought I would be. We will probably go back in a different season to see if it feels different then.

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

If you have friends and family and a life here, don't change your location. Downsize if you want. If not, move away and find a life there.

^OP, I know you are not at this stage but it is worth considering for long-term planning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Are you single, divorced, remarried, do you have stepkids?

Above all, do not overestimate your stepchildren's willingness to care for you after your partner is gone, especially if you joined the family when they were teens or adults. They have their own families and their other parent to think of. Your needs will be one among many.

We are married and have two young adult DCs. One lives on the other coast and the other attends college out of state. No stepchildren.

I would not make any plans based on young adult DCs. Or for that matter even older DCs. People's lives can change drastically and it is much, much harder for older adults to pack up and move, or be left behind, in a place where their kids are no longer. It can be financially devastating, too.

Like any other stage of life, you have to plan this one for yourselves - what is best for you and will allow you to live in an environment where you are happy and as socially and physically active as possible.

Adult children are living their own lives and parents need to be practical. Whether you and your children are close or not, I think most parents/people would say they don't want to be a burden to anyone. For that reason, find a geographic location where there are options for rehabilitative care, long term care, etc. should you need it. Agree that having a decent sized airport nearby is best, when kids want to visit.

My cousins insisted on my aunt moving out to their home when she started to get a little frail but was otherwise in good shape. She was absolutely miserable and it was a horrible decision to move her from her home city to a place where she knew no one (but family, who were all busy with work, school), she couldn't get around because she couldn't drive, and she had no friends. The family also realized that they were suffering horrible guilt because grandma was stuck in the house all day and away from everything that brought her joy.

Within a year, she moved back home and into an assisted living facility. She was so much happier and lived her final days there.

We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Anonymous wrote:The happiest retirees I know are the people at my DC church, who’ve lived here for many decades. If you can afford it, stay close to your community.

OP here. We have increasingly less tolerance for this area - and the heat is killing us. DH is from here but I am not.

I do agree that community is important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can but I would choose your climate and access to medical care very, very carefully. At 60+, it's all fun and games in a colder climate. But skiing loses its appeal when you're 80.

Also don't overestimate your children's desire to have you live near them, and their plans to stay in one location for the rest of your lives.

IMO, don't pick a place just because that's where your kids are because they can move, too.

Between my spouse and I, only one sibling stayed near a parent. The rest of us all moved far away.

But do live in a place that has easy access to an airport.

OP, I have thought about this, too. I don't want to retire here in the DC area. But, if we move to some other state, we'd have to start over meeting new friends.

I'm thinking of maybe coordinating where to retire with my siblings. They also aren't thinking about retiring near their grown kids because of what I wrote above.

OP here and thanks, this is helpful. I have a couple of siblings near where we are considering and I agree with you that we should not make plans based on our kids. I do think that ease of transportation to our location is key, however.