Anonymous wrote:OP good for you for sticking to your priorities. When I was a teenager my mom had an older boyfriend like that and often left my sister and I alone to spend time with him. My sister hated it and we still have issues with him being selfish to this day.

This sounds like a painful memory and still-present issue. Sorry to hear and I want to avoid this. I think even moms can succumb to the falling in love mania and lose sight of priorities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP on not dialing back your Mom role.

Your boyfriend is being very selfish for trying to make you guilty for being a present + attentive parent to your kids.

He KNEW you had kids when he decided to be in your life - how dare he complain about it now??

If he continues on like this > no one would blame you if you left this man-baby‼️

Awe thank you. 💛 Well, I suppose in my vacuum of not knowing if I am a jerk or not, this is very helpful.

I am very sweet and attentive and loving with him, because I genuinely love him. But
kids always first… has anyone else had to manage needs of BF while co-parenting? Dumb question I’m sure many of you have.

I did but he was great as he knew what my priorities were and he respected them. Sadly, my kids couldn’t accept him being in my life and they made his life miserable but he was a saint and never complained. He finally just said goodbye at which point my kids realized what they had done but it was too late.

Thanks for sharing sorry to hear this. Kids vs parents new significant other is very tricky. Sometimes I wonder if I can even EVER have a new spouse. My children will always be my top priority…

Your children won’t always be at the top. Once they launch, you need to let them decide their own life path. And you need to be on your path - of course they will still be part of your life but not to the same extent that they are now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hypothetical question, in a marriage, do you ladies think kids come first, or spouse? Bc if any woman is not willing to put their spouse first, it is going to cause a problem, and even though BF is not a spouse, if she aspires to have one, this issue is going to arise. There are not a lot of men who will tolerate being second to kids, especially someone else’s kids, once married.

Man here - I was second to my kids and I was fine with it. Their needs were far greater and more time intensive than mine and I’m sure that’s true in every home. I’m very low maintenance which helped and we always had a very active sex life so I never felt deprived.

Well, that is good. Would you feel the same way about your step kids? If so call me : )

Anonymous wrote:Hypothetical question, in a marriage, do you ladies think kids come first, or spouse? Bc if any woman is not willing to put their spouse first, it is going to cause a problem, and even though BF is not a spouse, if she aspires to have one, this issue is going to arise. There are not a lot of men who will tolerate being second to kids, especially someone else’s kids, once married.

Man here - I was second to my kids and I was fine with it. Their needs were far greater and more time intensive than mine and I’m sure that’s true in every home. I’m very low maintenance which helped and we always had a very active sex life so I never felt deprived.

DTMFA

dump

Hypothetical question, in a marriage, do you ladies think kids come first, or spouse? Bc if any woman is not willing to put their spouse first, it is going to cause a problem, and even though BF is not a spouse, if she aspires to have one, this issue is going to arise. There are not a lot of men who will tolerate being second to kids, especially someone else’s kids, once married.

I find it odd that you could be in love with a man who doesn't understand why a mom would prioritize her children over her boyfriend.

Throw the whole man away.

In answer to your question, yes, men = perpetually selfish. Even married men. It is no different. It's seldom an even exchange.

Anonymous wrote:OP good for you for sticking to your priorities. When I was a teenager my mom had an older boyfriend like that and often left my sister and I alone to spend time with him. My sister hated it and we still have issues with him being selfish to this day.

Curious, did they stay together? BC if you had had a father at home, he would have come before the kids too, if the marriage was to succeed (at least, this is often the case, that spouses prioritize each other first).

He’s entitled to be disappointed about being a priority behind your kids, but that’s not going to change (nor should it on either side!) and tantrum pouting would absolutely kill attraction for me.

I think these responses are based on very little information.

It does sound like he does not have a very high priority in your life - you said as much.

Maybe he wants more, which is fine. It just means you don't want the same things.

He's fifty nine. Plenty of women around his age and even younger don't have kids at home. He should break up with you and try to date them if he wants something more serious.

Totally agree with your diagnosis of man-baby, OP. Do what you need to do for your kids. He can either get used to it or see himself out.

Dump him.