Anonymous wrote:Two year olds do not understand time outs. Learn to parent.

hahaha spankings have been banned so long the nuts had to find something else to ban. Would love to know what's next. Perhaps saying no?

Whoever puts her in time out needs to be the one taking her out, otherwise daddy is the evil villain and mommy is the hero

2min

Anonymous wrote:Two year olds do not understand time outs. Learn to parent.

Yes they do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Another question, how often can I do 2 minutes per day? Normally, we do at least 1 times a day, but sometimes 2-3 times per day.

And, we are not sure if timeout is working or not. But, we feel like she needs to be punished for her irrational behaviors and learn that screaming/crying does not get her anything. She sometimes spits and throws things out of madness.

irrational behaviors?! she is TWO YEARS OLD. brain literally not developed. no impulse control.

honestly i feel badly for her if you all think 2 year olds need to be punished for being irrational.

please read some janet lansbury or dr becky kennedy.

Eh... I mean, true for a 1year old, but you can teach a two year old not to spit or throw things (unless they are special needs).

Anonymous wrote:I do a 1 minute timeout for my 2.5 kid. (This is after 1-2-3.) The timeout is not a punishment, necessarily. It’s also a reset to stop the undesirable behavior and shift onto something new.

Side note, I looked up "1-2-3 Magic" just now after hearing about it a lot in parenting contexts. I expected to hate it because of the silly name and the phrase "positive parenting," which I usually associate with millennial American, overly permissive parenting. But I love the idea of removing parental drama/emotions/talking too much from the equation! It's great.

Two year olds do not understand time outs. Learn to parent.

At 2 they can't self-regulate or control strong impulses yet (like an urge to throw smth), they need you to co-regulate with them. The child needs to borrow your calm. That's how they learn to find their calm. By isolating a crying child you can make them feel rejected or defective for having strong feelings. There is a lot of content on this, look up "big little feelings" or smth similar.

I do a 1 minute timeout for my 2.5 kid. (This is after 1-2-3.) The timeout is not a punishment, necessarily. It’s also a reset to stop the undesirable behavior and shift onto something new.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to punish her for having strong emotions and not yet having the maturity to control them? Of course don't give her what she's screaming for, but you can either ignore her screaming or, even better, empathize with her about how hard it is when you can't have what you want. No time out necessary.

NP. Just curious, at what age would you hold a child accountable for having the maturity to control "strong emotions"?

I would never punish for emotions. I would send an older kid out of the common area for behaviors that are negatively impacting other people, but only for as long as it takes them to pull it together, not for an adult-imposed punishment time.

+1

This has undesirable consequences, especially for boys, who get the message from everywhere that it’s weak to display emotion. What is ideal is teaching them emotional regulation at a time when things are more calm and then remind them to regulate when things get intense.

But that’s not always easy, of course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Another question, how often can I do 2 minutes per day? Normally, we do at least 1 times a day, but sometimes 2-3 times per day.

And, we are not sure if timeout is working or not. But, we feel like she needs to be punished for her irrational behaviors and learn that screaming/crying does not get her anything. She sometimes spits and throws things out of madness.

Okay, you shouldn’t use time out fir every undesirable behavior. That’s ineffective. If she throws something—the consequence is that she loses access to that toy. If she spits, she has to clean it up with a paper towel. When my daughter was this age I would say “Downstairs is a calm place” If she was still screaming I picked her up and took her to her room saying “You can come back when you are ready to be calm.” As she got older and got upset sometimes she would run to her room when she was upset. But seriously, stop with the time out for every little thing.

+1 to this response. Time out for everything did not work for my (fairly easy/compliant) kid with things like throwing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Another question, how often can I do 2 minutes per day? Normally, we do at least 1 times a day, but sometimes 2-3 times per day.

And, we are not sure if timeout is working or not. But, we feel like she needs to be punished for her irrational behaviors and learn that screaming/crying does not get her anything. She sometimes spits and throws things out of madness.

Okay, you shouldn’t use time out fir every undesirable behavior. That’s ineffective. If she throws something—the consequence is that she loses access to that toy. If she spits, she has to clean it up with a paper towel. When my daughter was this age I would say “Downstairs is a calm place” If she was still screaming I picked her up and took her to her room saying “You can come back when you are ready to be calm.” As she got older and got upset sometimes she would run to her room when she was upset. But seriously, stop with the time out for every little thing.

We also do not use time outs for our 4 and 2 year old. A time out is a parent abandoning their child at a time of great need. Instead we're focusing on teaching our kids to self-regulate their big emotions.

Agree with the previous recommendation to read Lansbury or Becky Kennedy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to punish her for having strong emotions and not yet having the maturity to control them? Of course don't give her what she's screaming for, but you can either ignore her screaming or, even better, empathize with her about how hard it is when you can't have what you want. No time out necessary.

NP. Just curious, at what age would you hold a child accountable for having the maturity to control "strong emotions"?

I would never punish for emotions. I would send an older kid out of the common area for behaviors that are negatively impacting other people, but only for as long as it takes them to pull it together, not for an adult-imposed punishment time.

I sometimes used timeouts to help ME control my temper. I had a baby when my older was 2.5 and she would often do naughty things so that I would stop nursing or diapering the baby and pay attention to her (and I was a SAH mom at the time, one who played with her, dolls, play doh, etc, so she was getting plenty of one on one attention at the time). At my most sleep deprived, I would get really upset when she did it and no amount of time ins (tried them!) helped, so sometimes I would put her in her crib so that I wouldn’t yell at her, I had 2 minutes to calm myself so we could figure things out.

She’s a teen now and we are very very close; so I don’t believe this tactic was at all harmful.

I’m not sure from your description if this is a timeout. As toddlers, they sometimes just need a safe space to feel their emotions. Scream it out so to speak. And putting your kid in his or her room to do that isn’t what I think of as a timeout. I have a couple kids, and I will do this with the toddler because frankly it’s not fair to the rest of the house to have to deal with the tantrum. So we go up to her room. Sometimes, me being there helps. But sometimes, it doesn’t. So I have let her be in her room to just do her tantrum thing. I’m nearby. I check in frequently. But for some kids, they are better at calming themselves down alone than with a parent constantly in their face. This is to say, I didn’t see anything particularly wrong with what your DH did. But talk it out. Figure out how you want to handle these situations and be consistent.