Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:37     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.


OK so you sound pretty great! You just need a basketball guy, or a basketball-adjacent guy. How would you rate yourself in terms of attractiveness?


I'm likely a 6-7, so about average. 5'5" and 150lbs, size 6. Think cute, nerdy, with glasses. I'm kind of a plain jane, but dress up when necessary. I choose comfort over being cute however.


PP here. Do you have any dating profiles? Do you mention being a sports fan on them? I feel like you would be getting some hits that way.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:34     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
I was under the impression that men aren’t too keen on women who seem eager to marry, in part because they want somebody who is interested especially in them as a person instead of just somebody to fulfill the goal of getting a husband. I think there are a lot of reasons why people tend find partners when they are not desperate. Once somebody told me not to look for a husband, to just live my life, but to have a full social calendar. So be open to meeting people and make opportunities for meeting people, but to make sure I was happy with my life as it was.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:29     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.


OK so you sound pretty great! You just need a basketball guy, or a basketball-adjacent guy. How would you rate yourself in terms of attractiveness?


I'm likely a 6-7, so about average. 5'5" and 150lbs, size 6. Think cute, nerdy, with glasses. I'm kind of a plain jane, but dress up when necessary. I choose comfort over being cute however.



I know plenty of women who fit this description in relationships. What kind of guys do you go for . OP?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:23     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.


OK so you sound pretty great! You just need a basketball guy, or a basketball-adjacent guy. How would you rate yourself in terms of attractiveness?


I'm likely a 6-7, so about average. 5'5" and 150lbs, size 6. Think cute, nerdy, with glasses. I'm kind of a plain jane, but dress up when necessary. I choose comfort over being cute however.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:21     Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:You are probably not good in bed.


Sometimes the rejection happens prior to sex, so that's not the issue.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:11     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Sorry OP, I read your previous posts just now. I'm also a basketball fan (lol) - wish I knew you. have you ever done pickup sports (not necessarily basketball)? I have met some people through there, and the numbers are good for meeting men
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:09     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
What do you do for enjoyment?

If "nice" is your only quality, then you probably need to do something more interesting.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:06     Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
You are probably not good in bed.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 09:03     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.


OK so you sound pretty great! You just need a basketball guy, or a basketball-adjacent guy. How would you rate yourself in terms of attractiveness?
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 08:57     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.



I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself when you date. I'm suggesting this because I was this way. Fairly shy, but had no problem coming out of my shell at work and activities I enjoyed, etc. I found that I became this different person when dating because I put so much pressure on myself to have a great date to check off all the boxes so he'd want to see me again because he might "be the one" I also had some insecurities left over from high school and college were I was told and believed I was the ugly girl that no one would be into, that stuff sticks with you and you can internalize it for a long time.

Actualy met my SH at a dog park at 38. Apps never worked for me just too much pressure and anxiety I had a better luck when I started participating in everything I found interesting and meeting people that way. I was way more relaxed.

+1 My DH was my first serious BF when I was 30. Didn't date much before then.

I always thought I was a boring person, took myself and dating too seriously. I started to change my attitude, and when DH and I started seeing each other, I was more relaxed and myself. DH also found things about me interesting that I didn't find at all interesting.

As a big sports fan, I would imagine most guys would love it. If you are taking too long to come out of your shell, the guy is not going to wait around.

Relax, be yourself, and most importantly .. have fun. Men are pretty simple creatures: sex, have fun, low drama. In the early part of a relationship, that's mostly what they want... according to my DH.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 08:49     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
"restaurant week and hitting a different place" I value your overall argument, but this particular example is only for some folks. I hit every restaurant I could for Fairfax City Restaurant week and it was the best thing I ever did. I found my favorite and went 4 times the next rest.week. Now there is a giant DC/VA/MD restaurant week with 250+ restaurants vs the dozens for Fairfax City proper and I am thinking of skipping the whole thing except 1 new, 1 Merrifield, and my fave place in Fairfax 4 times.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 08:47     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.



I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself when you date. I'm suggesting this because I was this way. Fairly shy, but had no problem coming out of my shell at work and activities I enjoyed, etc. I found that I became this different person when dating because I put so much pressure on myself to have a great date to check off all the boxes so he'd want to see me again because he might "be the one" I also had some insecurities left over from high school and college were I was told and believed I was the ugly girl that no one would be into, that stuff sticks with you and you can internalize it for a long time.

Actualy met my SH at a dog park at 38. Apps never worked for me just too much pressure and anxiety I had a better luck when I started participating in everything I found interesting and meeting people that way. I was way more relaxed.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 08:41     Subject: Re:Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:You have to do some serious numbers. Go on all the apps and swipe yes on almost everyone. Don’t message anyone more than twice - just set up coffee in a convenient location. If they want to keep messaging, move on. Aim for 1-3 coffees a week. Assume you will need 20 coffees for a second date and 20 second dates for a 3rd date. You will get really good at it! If they go badly, don’t worry, you have another one scheduled for Thursday or whenever.


That sounds exhausting and could lead to complete sensory overload… like participating in restaurant week and hitting a different place every lunch and dinner. After that week I wouldn’t remember any meal no matter how good
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 08:32     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and I've never had a serious relationship. I dated someone 2 years ago who broke up with me and said I was very nice and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have me. Prior to that I was cheated on and I had a fwb before meeting my unfaithful ex. I have dated online and met people in person and the same results. People seem to want to date me because I'm nice and feel like I shouldn't be alone, but that isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'm quite embarrassed as I do desire marriage and long-term partnership, but I can barely get into a relationship and I just don't see it happening. I'm the only one out of my friends who is in this situation, so I don't have anyone to turn to.


What are your interests, OP? What is your personality like?


I'm a huge sports fan, basketball specifically. My dad was a high school coach and my sibling played at the college level, so it's a big part of my life. Dating a sports fan is a must for me. I also love cooking, one of my favorite things to do with a partner. I read periodically and I love going to comedy shows and theater shows(live music and plays). Traveling is also an interest of mine.
I'm very low key and it can sometimes take awhile for me to come out of my shell as I'm shy, especially when it comes to dating. I'm confident elsewhere. I'm excelling in my career, but those skills haven't translated to my dating life.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2021 07:34     Subject: Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do
"broke up with me and said...anyone would be lucky to have me"--stop dating people who are full of crap. Tactful sincerity/private kindhearted honesty must be your unyielding MUST have. Friends, colleagues, dates, etc should be your allies, not admirers. Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth.

"I had a fwb...as I do desire marriage"-don't waste another day on casual sex/people who have conflicting relationship goals.

Examine different ratios: go to a place West of the Mississippi like Anchorage/Palo Alto and see if you get treated differently. If you are unvaccinated, go on their forums.