My best friend who is one of four had a very miserable upbringing.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH and I are 33. We’ve got pretty typical pros and cons for it; we love raising kids but the toddler years are hectic, we could save more $ not having a fourth but like the experience of a big family etc etc etc.

Not looking for anyone to make the decision for us, just asking because I’m curious to hear other people’s experiences.

This question has been posed umpteen times on this Forum. Do you have enough money? Do you have enough time and solid caregiving arrangements? Is your marriage strong? Is the environmental impact of an additional kid important to you?

I always pictured myself having two kids but, after the birth of my second, I just didn’t feel done and the thought of not having another was deeply saddening. I had my third this year and my family feels complete now.

We stopped at three because DH and I both work full-time (not in Big Jobs, but careers nonetheless) and I don’t want that to change. I don’t think I could be the parent I want to be to another child *and* still have my career.

I get what people mean when they say you can handle 4 if you can handle 3, that 4 is more of the same, etc. I know we *could* handle it, but we also don’t want to. The three we have our fantastic and I try to be grateful for them daily.

Tl;dr - we wanted some breathing room, and three kids gives us that, whereas I don’t think a fourth would

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our fourth was a surprise but we all love him to pieces. I have to say I found the transition to 3 to be the hardest. If you can manage 3, you’ve got 4. Plus a big family is so fun.

No it isn't.

K sorry yours isn’t but mine is. As is every other that I know of.

This made me lol a lot. I am one of 4. I love my siblings, but that ish stressed me out. None of my siblings have or want anything close to 4 kids.

Flat out: I had extreme baby fever. At that moment I would have told you I wanted to crank out #'s, 4, 5, 6 and 7. We felt we could give all four kids enough love and attention based on their personalities, and we could afford the lifestyle we wanted with four kids. So we had the 4th. I kind of wanted a 5th but also admitted it wouldn't be fair to the existing kids.

I was an only child so I always wanted a large family and had 4 kids. I’m so glad I did, it has been busy but incredibly rewarding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

Wow. You need help.

This may have escaped you, but OP asked for reasons why not. This is pp's reason why not, and honestly after the last year we've ad taking consideration of the state of the world before having any or additional children isn't such a bad idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our fourth was a surprise but we all love him to pieces. I have to say I found the transition to 3 to be the hardest. If you can manage 3, you’ve got 4. Plus a big family is so fun.

No it isn't.

K sorry yours isn’t but mine is. As is every other that I know of.

Anonymous wrote:The fires in California
The ocean was recently on fire
Hottest summers on record each year for the past decade
Methane leak from the thawing permafrost in Siberia
Dengue and other diseases are creeping north
1/3 of amphibians will be extinct in our lifetimes
Increasing droughts worldwide
I could go on and on

Wow. You need help.

Anonymous wrote:Our fourth was a surprise but we all love him to pieces. I have to say I found the transition to 3 to be the hardest. If you can manage 3, you’ve got 4. Plus a big family is so fun.

No it isn't.

Our fourth was a surprise but we all love him to pieces. I have to say I found the transition to 3 to be the hardest. If you can manage 3, you’ve got 4. Plus a big family is so fun.

We stopped at 4 because the 3rd was hell on earth. Love my little firecracker, but I wasn't taking a chance on a repeat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need one. 3 is more than enough.

DP but not sure why that's eyeroll worthy. OP asked why people stopped or went for a fourth. Plenty of people stop at 3 (or 2, or 1) because it's enough. And I'll throw in what nobody has said yet - every time you get pregnant it's a roll of the dice. If you've had healthy pregnancies, safe deliveries, and healthy kids until now, that's wonderful. It's also no guarantee that will continue.

There's plenty to be said for counting your blessings.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need one. 3 is more than enough.