Anonymous wrote:Not sure if I’m just being super uptight or if this is in the realm of normal..

I have a 4 yr old (and other children too) and our 5 yr old neighbor a few houses down will knock on our door wanting to play nearly every day. The parents will even drop him out of the car on the way home from somewhere and just keep driving home before I even open the door. He is a nice child, but sometimes I’m busy with other things and don’t want to be cleaning up after them, getting snacks, finding activities for them to do, etc. - or we need to be leaving. If I tell her my child isn’t available I got a million questions, and why not, what is he doing, when are you coming back, what are you doing tomorrow. Plus my child gets disappointed that someone came over to play and I’m saying no.

I don’t know the parents, beyond knowing one of the parents’ first names, which makes it even more bizarre. I find it pretty inconsiderate to send your child to other people’s houses, especially if you don’t know them beyond a name, and not even ask if it is a good time or if your child up for playing..something. I could see if the kids were older..but they are young to be roaming houses, I don’t let my 4 yr old do this. Plus I’m starting to get uncomfortable with indoor unmasked play dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend growing up who did this. Now that we’re adults she’s told me what was going on in her home life and I’m appalled. And so glad my parents welcomed her to our house with open arms any time she wanted. She views my parents now as her second family, still stopping by to say hello, etc.

My DH had a family who did this too. One day when he was about 12 a second twin bed just showed up in his friends bedroom (his friend was the only boy of the family) and no one said a word about it. But that bed was always there for him for his entire life through his 20s. He could show up at 6 no warning and another plate would appear at the table and the father would ask about homework. Well now I’m tearing up and we’ve gotten a little off topic from boundary pushing 5 year olds for sure.

OP here. This is sad. I have no idea about parents or home life, but he does have siblings. It isn't the 5 year old pushing boundaries, it is more the lack of coordination and communication from parents. If they don't even have the sense to know he is over my house or ask if he can come over, how do I know someone in their house isn't feeling well, or maybe if this child has been under the weather. I feel like being 5 and in covid times, roaming the neighborhood house to house is a terrible idea.

I have no idea if this is a “home-life” situation or not but god help us if we’ve let a illness that *does*not*severely*affect*children* allow us an excuse to forego compassion on kids. This is demented history-books kind of thinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend growing up who did this. Now that we’re adults she’s told me what was going on in her home life and I’m appalled. And so glad my parents welcomed her to our house with open arms any time she wanted. She views my parents now as her second family, still stopping by to say hello, etc.

My DH had a family who did this too. One day when he was about 12 a second twin bed just showed up in his friends bedroom (his friend was the only boy of the family) and no one said a word about it. But that bed was always there for him for his entire life through his 20s. He could show up at 6 no warning and another plate would appear at the table and the father would ask about homework. Well now I’m tearing up and we’ve gotten a little off topic from boundary pushing 5 year olds for sure.

OP here. This is sad. I have no idea about parents or home life, but he does have siblings. It isn't the 5 year old pushing boundaries, it is more the lack of coordination and communication from parents. If they don't even have the sense to know he is over my house or ask if he can come over, how do I know someone in their house isn't feeling well, or maybe if this child has been under the weather. I feel like being 5 and in covid times, roaming the neighborhood house to house is a terrible idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend growing up who did this. Now that we’re adults she’s told me what was going on in her home life and I’m appalled. And so glad my parents welcomed her to our house with open arms any time she wanted. She views my parents now as her second family, still stopping by to say hello, etc.

My DH had a family who did this too. One day when he was about 12 a second twin bed just showed up in his friends bedroom (his friend was the only boy of the family) and no one said a word about it. But that bed was always there for him for his entire life through his 20s. He could show up at 6 no warning and another plate would appear at the table and the father would ask about homework. Well now I’m tearing up and we’ve gotten a little off topic from boundary pushing 5 year olds for sure.

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend growing up who did this. Now that we’re adults she’s told me what was going on in her home life and I’m appalled. And so glad my parents welcomed her to our house with open arms any time she wanted. She views my parents now as her second family, still stopping by to say hello, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

but sometimes I’m busy with other things and don’t want to be cleaning up after them, getting snacks, finding activities for them to do, etc. - or we need to be leaving

I get that there is some parent time. But it sounds like you are over involved. Send them home for snacks. If you’re leaving send them home. They can clean up after themselves and find their own activities.

Whether it’s normal depends on your background and where you live. Normal for me and my kids. But apparently not for you. You have to decide what you want your kids’ experience to be both now and when they get older. I have been happy to be the fun house.

Anonymous wrote:

but sometimes I’m busy with other things and don’t want to be cleaning up after them, getting snacks, finding activities for them to do, etc. - or we need to be leaving

I get that there is some parent time. But it sounds like you are over involved. Send them home for snacks. If you’re leaving send them home. They can clean up after themselves and find their own activities.

Whether it’s normal depends on your background and where you live. Normal for me and my kids. But apparently not for you. You have to decide what you want your kids’ experience to be both now and when they get older. I have been happy to be the fun house.

Anonymous wrote:Do you want him to come at all? If so, one of the days that you say no, walk back and talk to his parents and tell them your kids are free on Mondays after 4, or you could give your number and ask for a call first before he comes. If you don’t want him to come at all, walk him back and tell his family that you aren’t doing play dates right now due to covid and you’ll let them know when that changes. Either way, though, you’ll have to go tell them. Since you haven’t; they assume the status quo is fine with you.