Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:53     Subject: Family pressure for son’s name
Your in-laws are irrelevant here, it's your husband you have to negotiate with. Here, where their tradition dictates that you get NO SAY WHATSOEVER, I would not agree to abide by it. DH needs to compromise.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:52     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


You can NOT name your son that. Absolutely not. This naming convention may be the tradition in your husband's family, but it's NOT the tradition in YOUR family, and your husband didn't marry a cousin; he married you. So some family traditions will come from his family, some will come from yours. This naming of the baby will NOT come from his family. It's that simple. You love them, but no. Maybe you can make the baby's middle name Holden, Henry, Hayes, Hudson, Harrison, etc. But the first name absolutely can NOT be Hani. Quite frankly OP, I forbid it.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:46     Subject: Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are expecting a boy and my husbands family has this tradition where the first boy is named after the husband’s father. I come from a different culture and don’t follow this. I truly do not want to name my child after my father in law. My in laws are absolutely wonderful and i also don’t want to disappoint them. I am hesitant to reveal to them that we are having a boy. We haven’t even told them and the comments have started. I hate being put in this awkward position and I just don’t know how to handle it. I know it’s easy to say “ignore them, it’s your kid.” But I also want to make them happy with the decision.


Will the baby have your husband’s family‘s last name? Assuming yes, the first name is up to you. You do not have to name him after your father-in-law and that expectation is completely out of line. You are not a broodmare.


+1000

It’s really cute that your in-laws have a tradition in which the child’s mother gets no input into the name of the child she carries for nine months, delivers, and cares for. That is not a tradition I would perpetuate.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:27     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


Yeah, that's a tough one. Ask if they're willing to accept a derivative of the name or if you can just call him Hani in the family.

Sorry.


Uh, no. Op doesn't have to ask the inlaws anything.


You're right. And the inlaws don't have to give OP anything either. I'm not trying to start a war but I do my best not to have any uncrossable lines with my in-laws - i.e. getting married on another continent and not inviting them, turning down a multi-generational tradition etc.

Lots of young couples do something and then 6 months later they're begging for help with childcare or a nanny or furniture for the baby or pre-school payments or a down payment on a house.

Keep the peace is my motto.


The WORST reason to name a child after someone is to get money and favors.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:20     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


Yeah, that's a tough one. Ask if they're willing to accept a derivative of the name or if you can just call him Hani in the family.

Sorry.


Uh, no. Op doesn't have to ask the inlaws anything.


You're right. And the inlaws don't have to give OP anything either. I'm not trying to start a war but I do my best not to have any uncrossable lines with my in-laws - i.e. getting married on another continent and not inviting them, turning down a multi-generational tradition etc.

Lots of young couples do something and then 6 months later they're begging for help with childcare or a nanny or furniture for the baby or pre-school payments or a down payment on a house.

Keep the peace is my motto.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:17     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nope, it has to be the first name for them.


What does your dh say? Your inlaws seriously are wrong. They named their kids now it is your turn.



How do you know her husband's name isn't his grandfather's name?


it’s actually not since he wasn’t first born.


Oh, so the first born doesn't have children/an older boy? LOL they managed to duck that headache of a name nicely.



I know I was actually jealous my sister in law had a girl first and got the easy way out. I know she wouldn’t have been on board naming her son after her FIL.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:15     Subject: Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:We are expecting a boy and my husbands family has this tradition where the first boy is named after the husband’s father. I come from a different culture and don’t follow this. I truly do not want to name my child after my father in law. My in laws are absolutely wonderful and i also don’t want to disappoint them. I am hesitant to reveal to them that we are having a boy. We haven’t even told them and the comments have started. I hate being put in this awkward position and I just don’t know how to handle it. I know it’s easy to say “ignore them, it’s your kid.” But I also want to make them happy with the decision.


Will the baby have your husband’s family‘s last name? Assuming yes, the first name is up to you. You do not have to name him after your father-in-law and that expectation is completely out of line. You are not a broodmare.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:15     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


Yeah, that's a tough one. Ask if they're willing to accept a derivative of the name or if you can just call him Hani in the family.

Sorry.


Uh, no. Op doesn't have to ask the inlaws anything.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:15     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


Yeah, I don't like this. It's Arabic?

Can you name him Henry? Persuade family that it's the same name, just anglicized? and better overall for the child's socialization? If you have a little girl, name her Honey. Absolutely adorable.



Yeah it’s Arabic.

Unfortunately, that’s the same as picking any other name for them. It has to be exactly the same.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:14     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nope, it has to be the first name for them.


What does your dh say? Your inlaws seriously are wrong. They named their kids now it is your turn.



How do you know her husband's name isn't his grandfather's name?


it’s actually not since he wasn’t first born.


Oh, so the first born doesn't have children/an older boy? LOL they managed to duck that headache of a name nicely.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:13     Subject: Family pressure for son’s name
I mean, tell them just as they have cultural traditions, so do you. If they don't understand that, they are exposing themselves as deeply ignorant of the world. Explain with kindness that this is one of the many cultural compromises you and your husband are dealing with. Naming the kids will fall under your culture of choosing whatever name you like. Other parts of your life will follow their culture.

When they complain, just laugh a little and say "It's strange, did you really forget already? We explained this."
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:13     Subject: Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you know the tradition prior to marriage?


No, I didn’t know. I found out when we were trying to conceive but didn’t know it was a big deal until we got pregnant.



If it was that important it would have come up. Continue to work through this with your husband alone for now. It is between the two of you. Maybe a compromise with a name like Henley or Hayden.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:10     Subject: Family pressure for son’s name
Doesn’t help but fwiw I love the name Hani. Could nickname Han and he’ll be Star Wars cool.

Or if your husband wants to continue the tradition give a middle name you love and call him by that?
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:10     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


Yeah, I don't like this. It's Arabic?

Can you name him Henry? Persuade family that it's the same name, just anglicized? and better overall for the child's socialization? If you have a little girl, name her Honey. Absolutely adorable.
Anonymous
Post 07/24/2021 20:09     Subject: Re:Family pressure for son’s name
Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.


Yeah, that's a tough one. Ask if they're willing to accept a derivative of the name or if you can just call him Hani in the family.

Sorry.