Anonymous wrote:OP, I think bailing at this point would be unethical. It might not work out - c’est la vie. Even if you hired the perfect nanny she might decide to move to Australia in December. The truth is you cannot require someone to commit to a job for the long term. This is an hourly childcare job, not a medical residency and even then people can quit. I understand you want the best for your kids but you can’t force someone else to be their parent. You have to manage your employee and your kids’ expectations the best you can. Your nanny might find the right morning childcare for her and it could work out great for years. You don’t know what is going to happen.

Nanny here and I completely disagree. If you have good reason to believe that a nanny won’t be a long-term fit, it is totally reasonable to let them go rather than put your kids through the process of bonding with a caregiver and then having the caregiver disappear. ESPECIALLY in OP’s case, where they need a lot of hours so this will be a significant presence in their lives. It’s one thing to give someone a chance if they are the afterschool sitter but for a nanny working all day with the children, you don’t want the revolving door nanny experience. It is so hard on kids.

Anonymous wrote:...she didn’t ask DURING the hiring process, when both sides would have had the chance for a conversation about how much or little flexibility was available. She accepted the job as it stood, including specifically assuring OP that she had no concerns about the long hours or long commute or need for all-day childcare. She then came back later and revealed that she did NOT have the logistics in place to manage all those things and asked her new employer to change her schedule to accommodate her childcare issues.


This tells me that either her mindset is that a) her boss should be the one to adjust and be flexible and any time something comes up she will feel entitled to have her boss be the one to figure out a solution or b) she has already sought diligently for a solution and can’t find one, which means she just doesn’t have the resources and support system in place to be working these long hours.

THIS. Tell her now OP, it isn't going to work out.

OP Quit now before she starts. This isn’t going to work. She is desperate but that’s not going to chance that it won’t work. Better to rescind than to have to let her go after weeks or months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would analyze her commute to see whether from her place to yours (and vice versa), it's a reliable hour, or whether it's actually more. Some high traffic routes are more prone to accidents and therefore delays than others. For a few years, my husband has a long reverse commute that was actually quite dependable and way less stressful than sitting for less time in traffic and dealing with accidents.

If it looks like a nightmare commute, it might work for the summer while you both look for a different situation, but it won't work once school starts.

In any event, nothing stops you from hiring her for the short term if you need it. Your kids are resilient. Don't worry about that aspect.

I have checked the commute a few times. At the shortest I have seen 52 mins but it’s general between 58 mins and 65 mins. One day when there was an accident it was an hour and 20 mins.

Right now she works about 10-15 mins away from us (closer to where she lives) but again it’s just from 12-6 4 days a week so even adding an hour each way she gets much more time with her kids. With us she will likely be out of her house from 6:30am to 7pm most days.

You are ridiculous for hiring this nanny. There is no way in hell that she’s going to stay with you after she fixes whatever financial emergency she’s in right now. It’s unlikely she lasts a month.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think bailing at this point would be unethical. It might not work out - c’est la vie. Even if you hired the perfect nanny she might decide to move to Australia in December. The truth is you cannot require someone to commit to a job for the long term. This is an hourly childcare job, not a medical residency and even then people can quit. I understand you want the best for your kids but you can’t force someone else to be their parent. You have to manage your employee and your kids’ expectations the best you can. Your nanny might find the right morning childcare for her and it could work out great for years. You don’t know what is going to happen.

1.

OP, I think bailing at this point would be unethical. It might not work out - c’est la vie. Even if you hired the perfect nanny she might decide to move to Australia in December. The truth is you cannot require someone to commit to a job for the long term. This is an hourly childcare job, not a medical residency and even then people can quit. I understand you want the best for your kids but you can’t force someone else to be their parent. You have to manage your employee and your kids’ expectations the best you can. Your nanny might find the right morning childcare for her and it could work out great for years. You don’t know what is going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

Thanks for your thought, this is OP. How would you want an employer to handle the situation in this case? I really feel awful since we think she is great as a nanny and if the circumstances were different there would be no issues.

You shouldn't feel awful though, you didn't force her to accept the offer. If I had someone trying to come to my team at work who was asking to "work less" before they even started I'd consider it a HUGE red flag. Nope.

What? No. Plenty of people ask about flexibility during the hiring process. It’s ridiculous to say OP shouldn’t feel bad because no one forced nanny to accept the offer. No one forced OP to extend the offer, then rescind when the nanny has done nothing wrong! Do what you want; you need to feel comfortable, but make no mistake that this is really terrible behavior. People routinely commute over an hour for jobs in this area because COL is so high.

But she didn’t ask DURING the hiring process, when both sides would have had the chance for a conversation about how much or little flexibility was available. She accepted the job as it stood, including specifically assuring OP that she had no concerns about the long hours or long commute or need for all-day childcare. She then came back later and revealed that she did NOT have the logistics in place to manage all those things and asked her new employer to change her schedule to accommodate her childcare issues.


This tells me that either her mindset is that a) her boss should be the one to adjust and be flexible and any time something comes up she will feel entitled to have her boss be the one to figure out a solution or b) she has already sought diligently for a solution and can’t find one, which means she just doesn’t have the resources and support system in place to be working these long hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

Thanks for your thought, this is OP. How would you want an employer to handle the situation in this case? I really feel awful since we think she is great as a nanny and if the circumstances were different there would be no issues.

You shouldn't feel awful though, you didn't force her to accept the offer. If I had someone trying to come to my team at work who was asking to "work less" before they even started I'd consider it a HUGE red flag. Nope.

This. She will come but will start being latw becasue of traffic and resent the job sonce shes getting hole so late.

Do what is best for your family, fire asap, remember life isn't about anyone except yourself and the nanny is the same too

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

Thanks for your thought, this is OP. How would you want an employer to handle the situation in this case? I really feel awful since we think she is great as a nanny and if the circumstances were different there would be no issues.

You shouldn't feel awful though, you didn't force her to accept the offer. If I had someone trying to come to my team at work who was asking to "work less" before they even started I'd consider it a HUGE red flag. Nope.

What? No. Plenty of people ask about flexibility during the hiring process. It’s ridiculous to say OP shouldn’t feel bad because no one forced nanny to accept the offer. No one forced OP to extend the offer, then rescind when the nanny has done nothing wrong! Do what you want; you need to feel comfortable, but make no mistake that this is really terrible behavior. People routinely commute over an hour for jobs in this area because COL is so high.

There is no way I’d hire a woman with three kids to nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

Thanks for your thought, this is OP. How would you want an employer to handle the situation in this case? I really feel awful since we think she is great as a nanny and if the circumstances were different there would be no issues.

You shouldn't feel awful though, you didn't force her to accept the offer. If I had someone trying to come to my team at work who was asking to "work less" before they even started I'd consider it a HUGE red flag. Nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here and I would never advise anyone to hire a nanny with that commute time. This is an emotionally demanding job and they will burn out quickly and start job hunting. The fact that she hasn’t started yet and is already looking for you to be flexible and adapt to her needs is a bad sign. She’s probably a fine nanny, but she needs a nanny family who has wiggle room to help her make it work. You are looking for someone who can be flexible for you to accommodate how inflexible your jobs are. It’s not a good fit.

Thanks for your thought, this is OP. How would you want an employer to handle the situation in this case? I really feel awful since we think she is great as a nanny and if the circumstances were different there would be no issues.

Look, at the wnd of the day you need to care for your kids, not her logistics. So if you feel confident it’s not going to work, tell her asap. Every day that she is planning to work for you is a day when she could be hunting for a job that will actually work for her. If you have the ability to offer her a week or two of pay, that would of course be kind, but I would part ways now, rather than having to train her, have your kids get attached, then have to fire her or her quit in 6 months.

Anonymous wrote:I would analyze her commute to see whether from her place to yours (and vice versa), it's a reliable hour, or whether it's actually more. Some high traffic routes are more prone to accidents and therefore delays than others. For a few years, my husband has a long reverse commute that was actually quite dependable and way less stressful than sitting for less time in traffic and dealing with accidents.

If it looks like a nightmare commute, it might work for the summer while you both look for a different situation, but it won't work once school starts.

In any event, nothing stops you from hiring her for the short term if you need it. Your kids are resilient. Don't worry about that aspect.

I have checked the commute a few times. At the shortest I have seen 52 mins but it’s general between 58 mins and 65 mins. One day when there was an accident it was an hour and 20 mins.

Right now she works about 10-15 mins away from us (closer to where she lives) but again it’s just from 12-6 4 days a week so even adding an hour each way she gets much more time with her kids. With us she will likely be out of her house from 6:30am to 7pm most days.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s terrible of you to rescind an offer when she was upfront with you and has done nothing wrong to warrant it. It would be even more awful if she has quit her part time job in reliance on this offer. Plenty of people commute for work; she has indicated to you that she will work it out. Give her a chance to do so.

I don’t disagree but in our defense (this is OP) I asked her straight up in the interview if the hours were going to be too much for her and the commute was too rough. She assured me neither was an issue and that she is used to commuting and has childcare for her kids so that will never be a problem. We had a really good rapport and she reiterated how much she wanted the job (checking in after the interview) so I wasn’t very concerned about her childcare/commute until we made her the offer when it became clear she doesn’t have these pieces figured out and seemed a bit worried about them.

DH and I have both taken most of our annual vacation leave this summer since our last nanny is already gone and we needed to bridge the gap with someone new starting. We have been looking for a new nanny for 3 months so I am worried if she leaves we won’t have a ton of notice and then will be screwed because we can’t take off a ton of time at the summer to start the search over.