I read your update. About two years before Covid I started renting a place when I visited my parents. The first trip was like you described. Okay at first, good we had our own space but lots of comments from my mother and it was actually pretty stressful. For future visits, we started renting a huge Airbnb where everyone had their own bedrooms, bathrooms and they joined us. Their place was big enough but renting gave us all a neutral place and I could control the layout so there were not issues between grandparents getting up super early with loud TVs and teens wanting to stay up past 10pm. I do this now for all visits and day we are taking a vacation together. I have groceries delivered and we order take out most nights. It solved a lot of the territory issues and snide comments.

OP, please post details/examples. I can’t wait to read them! My MIL is super controlling and basically won’t leave her house (even to meet at a restaurant) because she’s not in charge. We made the switch to a hotel after our first visit with my 5 month old where she dissected EVERYTHING. 5 years later, looking back I’m surprised she found so much to comment on..5 month olds don’t do a lot, but that didn’t stop her.

OP here, reporting back after the First Hotel Visit. OH MAN.

Let's just say that the transition was necessary and a sanctuary but also needs some further tweaking. The helicopter parenting/grandparenting by people in their 70's for people in their 50s/teens is pretty next level.

As an adult used to doing normal adult things and capably parenting my children, imagine my surprise when staying in a hotel didn't cut the cord but only stretched it further. We had the entire time planned, but EVERYTHING was challenged, dissected, and argued, with the intention of "trying to help" but with no real option to say no to anything. (We still said no when we needed to, and I'm pretty exhausted now.)

Not being in control of everything was freaking them out like I would never have imagined. All this cemented the necessity of always getting a hotel from now on, and showed us a few more ways that our strategy is going to need to be more airtight. We don't want to reject hospitality and don't want to have a distant relationship with them, but their brand of "caring" feels like being force-fed. Ugh.

Has anyone else gone through Hotel Revenge? (Which is what this really feels like)

Anonymous wrote:This is wonderful. My ILs live kind of out in the country, so a good 25 minutes to a hotel. we still may do this at some point in the future.

Or maybe an air bnb?

And be sure to gush about what a wonderful trip it was and then when you get home tell them again how much you enjoyed relaxing with them and look forward to the next time together. That will help cement to them that it was a good option.

This is wonderful. My ILs live kind of out in the country, so a good 25 minutes to a hotel. we still may do this at some point in the future.

Happy for you OP and all the others who have made the switch!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those wishing to make the change, here is the series of lies we told to smooth it over:

1) We happened to have a bunch of hotel points expiring” and used them to book a hotel with a pool because that way the kids will be better behaved when we visit (and sit around your boring-ass house for hours).

2) Then we were shocked, SHOCKED to discover that the pool made it so much easier for us, the parents because WE have trouble managing our rambunctious children (who otherwise engage in normal child behaviors like running around). And the children really should practice their swimming of course, for their own safety, don’t you think?

3) You know we checked that same hotel with the nice pool and it is running a special that week! We’ll stay there so the children can swim before we come over (at noon when you have finally woken up and had your coffee and people are allowed to speak above a whisper).

After that we just kept doing it and they were used to it.

BIL and his husband told a series of similar lies to get out of staying at MIL's house. She demands that they stay in separate rooms.

So all of a sudden, there were expiring hotel points, specials, and whatnot.

Worked out great for everyone.

Wow, even though they're married? That's crazy! This reminds me of that one DCUM post about the woman who pretended to have won a Harry and David basket so she had an excuse to bring a bunch of food over to her "kitchen is closed"-type ILs over the holidays. Genius!

Anonymous wrote:To those wishing to make the change, here is the series of lies we told to smooth it over:

1) We happened to have a bunch of hotel points expiring” and used them to book a hotel with a pool because that way the kids will be better behaved when we visit (and sit around your boring-ass house for hours).

2) Then we were shocked, SHOCKED to discover that the pool made it so much easier for us, the parents because WE have trouble managing our rambunctious children (who otherwise engage in normal child behaviors like running around). And the children really should practice their swimming of course, for their own safety, don’t you think?

3) You know we checked that same hotel with the nice pool and it is running a special that week! We’ll stay there so the children can swim before we come over (at noon when you have finally woken up and had your coffee and people are allowed to speak above a whisper).

After that we just kept doing it and they were used to it.

BIL and his husband told a series of similar lies to get out of staying at MIL's house. She demands that they stay in separate rooms.

So all of a sudden, there were expiring hotel points, specials, and whatnot.

Worked out great for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:im at ILs right now and there isn;t enough room - people are sleeping on the floor and this is so dumb. We have to move to this new plan asap. Thanks for the post.

do it now. Finish your visit in a hotel. If you book with hotels.com, you get a free night after 10 stays.

im at ILs right now and there isn;t enough room - people are sleeping on the floor and this is so dumb. We have to move to this new plan asap. Thanks for the post.

We started doing this about 10 years. Not only do we have better visits with the ILs and our own retreat, we also earn more hotel points...

To those wishing to make the change, here is the series of lies we told to smooth it over:

1) We happened to have a bunch of hotel points expiring” and used them to book a hotel with a pool because that way the kids will be better behaved when we visit (and sit around your boring-ass house for hours).

2) Then we were shocked, SHOCKED to discover that the pool made it so much easier for us, the parents because WE have trouble managing our rambunctious children (who otherwise engage in normal child behaviors like running around). And the children really should practice their swimming of course, for their own safety, don’t you think?

3) You know we checked that same hotel with the nice pool and it is running a special that week! We’ll stay there so the children can swim before we come over (at noon when you have finally woken up and had your coffee and people are allowed to speak above a whisper).

After that we just kept doing it and they were used to it.