I think there's a difference between expecting a friend to remember the minutiae of your life (I recognize it's not minutiae to you), and expecting them to be empathetic when you want to talk about it. It's up to you to carry the burden of remembering things like dates etc., because everyone's brain is fried (lord knows I barely remember my own birthday), but up to them to respond kindly when you bring it up. At this point in my life, and I'm a working parent in my 40s, I'm interested in spending my time with people who care about me, but I don't assess that based on whether they keep track of all my milestone events and emotional highs and lows. I approach them if I want to discuss them. And if a friend is habitually disappointed in my inability to remember that sort of thing as opposed to focusing on the fact that I'm genuinely rooting for them and love them as a friend and respect them as a person, then I'm probably going to slowly drift away on purpose, because I also don't want to spend my time with people who are chronically judging me for my failings as a friend. Too big of a burden. I can barely manage my own life. Now, if someone is rude or insensitive when interacting me, or gossips about me etc. then that's a different story.

Anonymous wrote:You need to ask for what you want. In this situation it’s to text, “mom is out of surgery!” Friend will then do what you wanted (ask how it went, shower you in attention). Don’t set people up to fail which is what you are doing now.

This is good advice. I’m a friend who means well but isn’t good about remembering what happens on what day, and if you did this I’d respond and later check in.

I agree with the poster who said your expectations are unreasonable (rather than high), and the one who said you do this because it serves you in some way.