Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was 10 years ago. I think it is irrelevant. And cheating never happened. I no would say nothing needs to be dealt with.

totally wrong. the wife's behavior was unconscionable and shows she is a deeply troubled/flaw person. Unless there was a ton of therapy, can't believe the guy stayed with her after all the manipulation and deception. Kudo to the ex, by the way, for not taking up with the eagerly cheating wanna-be whore.

Like someone else said...there could have been things going wrong for her in the marriage at the time...if so, the marriage lasted and this from 10 YEARS AGO is basically irrelevant now. Unless some idiot wants to make it an issue NOW.

Why are you asking? This isn’t your business. Not your marriage

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her level of deception was DEEP! The thought of all the things that she did to get with the other guy is mind blowing. While that was 10 years, who knows what else he doesn’t about.

I think it would be easier for him to process if it was just a one night stand that happened 10 years ago

This woman has definitely physically cheated. Her profile abs level of lying/deception pretty much guarantees it.

I personally would have a hard time believing she never physically cheated.. I also don't know if I could ever truly trust her again. Not saying they should divorce., But the depths she went to are mind blowing!

Anonymous wrote:Her level of deception was DEEP! The thought of all the things that she did to get with the other guy is mind blowing. While that was 10 years, who knows what else he doesn’t about.

I think it would be easier for him to process if it was just a one night stand that happened 10 years ago

This woman has definitely physically cheated. Her profile abs level of lying/deception pretty much guarantees it.

Her level of deception was DEEP! The thought of all the things that she did to get with the other guy is mind blowing. While that was 10 years, who knows what else he doesn’t about.

I think it would be easier for him to process if it was just a one night stand that happened 10 years ago

Anonymous wrote:My friend just told me he recently learned his wife pursued an ex a decade ago for an affair, but the ex wasn't interested. While no affair occurred in the end, the details of her infatuation with this guy are kind of disturbing. They were living in GA at the time, and she begged her husband to apply for jobs in his field of law on the west coast, apparently to be closer to family. After he applied for jobs in one particular city at her behest, she told a friend that she was excited about the possibility of moving there, because her ex lived there at the time. She also tried to pursue the ex at a law school reunion, and sent several flirtatious emails. She also apparently talked about her kids with DH in the emails to her ex, mentioning endearing traits that she thought the ex might like. This seems like the biggest red line she crossed. Ultimately, she gave up on chasing the guy after stopped engaging. My friend doesn't think she's cheating now, she seems happier in the marriage. But how serious do you think this behavior is? How should it be dealt with?

You are very invested in this. Your post is gross and unsettling. Get a life. Your friend needs an excellent therapist to help him work through what he wants to do with professionalism and less judgment.

Your interest seems a bit intense for a friend, op. Are you interested in a romantic relationship with the husband.. or his wife? Are you the husband?

They handle it however they’d like to handle it. Your choices are support the marriage, or don’t be friends with him/them until he ends the marriage. You don’t encourage the ending of the marriage, but nor do you have to be around people who’s conduct you don’t like.

Your friend is an adult. He has the right to live however he’d like.. as do you.

As for what he told you, who knows. Maybe it went down as he says. Maybe he was too into work or hobbies to the point that the wife felt neglected. Yes, it does happen, and interestingly, I’ve not seen a viable solution to wake the other spouse up so they understand that while their work and hobbies are g-rated, they are not good for the marriage.

Maybe the wife experienced somethings you’d not notice or have never experienced, racial discrimination for example. I showed this thread to my husband and told him “I doubt I could ever live in Georgia” and that surprised him because all he’s ever heard is how much I loved Atlanta.. and I did.. when I was there for the Olympics, doesn’t mean I’d want to live there though.

There is no excuse for cheating, op, but there is also no way to communicate inappropriate or uncomfortable g-rated behavior either. It’s also very difficult to explain the difference between a mean b***ch v. some truly hateful behavior given that we’ve all been tought to “give people a chance” “maybe they don’t understand” “bloom where you’re planted” “try and educate”

If you like your friend, then try to like his wife. If you can’t, distance yourself from both of them. He knows where to find you should the marriage end and he becomes someone you want to hang out with.

I believe there are some posters on here who deliberately write super uptight, punitive and ultra-conservative comments to push people into very rigid gender roles. I’ve seen posts where “women” say they won’t talk to fathers at playgrounds, posts where “women” say bikinis or anything apart from full coverage suits are not appropriate for neighborhood pools, posts where “women” think dressing in certain clothes beyond a certain age is a no-no…

Are these people genuine? Are they transplants from very socially conservative communities?

I mean, way to stamp on people’s freedoms.

And here, OP has no personal proof of anything; nothing apparently was acted upon; and it was 10 years ago - even for crimes there’s a statute of limitations. Does OP want to have all her past mistakes dredged up and held against them?

Ridiculous.

G
O
S
S
I
P

Just move on.

Anonymous wrote:It was 10 years ago. I think it is irrelevant. And cheating never happened. I no would say nothing needs to be dealt with.

totally wrong. the wife's behavior was unconscionable and shows she is a deeply troubled/flaw person. Unless there was a ton of therapy, can't believe the guy stayed with her after all the manipulation and deception. Kudo to the ex, by the way, for not taking up with the eagerly cheating wanna-be whore.

Anonymous wrote:It would seem pathological and I’d be concerned about my spouse’s mental and emotional health. I mean, it feels almost like stalking, the way this woman uprooted her family and pursued someone for *years* who didn’t reciprocate; that’s a bit creepy. It would absolutely negatively impact the way I perceive my spouse and our relationship. There would be a lot to unpack - I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug.

That being said, there are details missing here so it’s just hard to say.

Pathological is right. It's really just so strange

Op we know this is really you not a friend

Is it possible there were problems in the marriage at that time, and the wife was indirectly looking for an exit possibility. If the wife didn’t feel comfortable initiating a divorce and explaining why she wasn’t happy, it might have led to this behind the scenes Plan B behavior. Then, it seems things in the marriage improved, no need for Plan B and all presumably went back to normal. Curious why this mishap from 10 years ago is coming up now. Did wife bring it up, or did the friend stumble upon old communications?

It would seem pathological and I’d be concerned about my spouse’s mental and emotional health. I mean, it feels almost like stalking, the way this woman uprooted her family and pursued someone for *years* who didn’t reciprocate; that’s a bit creepy. It would absolutely negatively impact the way I perceive my spouse and our relationship. There would be a lot to unpack - I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug.

That being said, there are details missing here so it’s just hard to say.

I'll stick with I really don't know how I'd react. I don't know that's a pretty big betrayal. I likely wouldn't divorce, but I don't think I could just get over it. I mean it only didn't become physical because the AP didn't bite. She was actively working against her husband to get closer to this guy doing some pretty cold-hearted lying. I think that would always be there for no matter how good things are now- a loss of innocence if you will. Feelings would also depend on how I found out this information did spouse share it or was it revealed by someone else. And did spouse reveal it fr what purpose? And it would also depend on spouse, say his wife was going through some mental health issues at the time, maybe she's since been to therapy and has better coping tools. I don't know.