Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you’re grieving right now and can’t add anything extra.

This is what I would suggest too.
Keep it short and to the point.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you’re grieving right now and can’t add anything extra.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the F knows? She may be unaware, she could be unsure how to broach your loss (I mean it seems pretty uncouth to mention via text, maybe she was waiting for in person), maybe she is self centered.

You do seem a bit much though. You don’t earn chits against the woman just because you organized a meal train. I would assume you did it as a good generous person, and good generous person thinks the best of people’s intentions, which you are not doing.

Also, to be frank as someone who lost both parents. You lost your elderly dad, which is expected and normal. It sounds like this woman lost her husband way way young (if she has kids who still need rides, unless she married a geriatric?). So her loss is much more debilitating and unexpected, and honesty is probably past of why she is so desperate for a freaking carpool which you seem to want to snub her about.

I think this response is HARSH. I don't agree with engaging in a tit-for-tat, but I totally get OP feeling hurt by the lack of a response. Okay, maybe it's a different "kind" of loss, but that's not really the issue. The issue is that efforts were made on OP's part (and other that of other neighbors, as well) to be a supportive community, help with the kids, etc. The recipient made NO such efforts at the loss of OP's father, which other neighbors are aware of and provided support for. Maybe OP should give the benefit of the doubt here, because quite honestly, it does sound like this neighbor is a TAKER and probably isn't keeping her finger on the pulse of what's happening with her neighbors. I think OP is well within her rights to draw the line here and say "nope, can't do a ballet carpool" and quietly feel hurt at the neighbor's lack of response. And just a reminder here, while the loss of a young spouse would definitely be debilitating, this loss happened FIVE years ago. I can see the neighbors pitching in occasionally to help out a now single parent with carpool here and there, but this sounds to me like the recipient is taking advantage a bit.

Again, OP has no idea if neighbor even knows. It sounds the only announcement was a school email? GMAFB. I’m sure the widow spends her evenings perusing the school correspondence for these nuggets, nothing better to do as a single mom of young kids.

Again, OP is stuffing a ride to the daughter of a young WIDOW because she for pettiness.

Tight-knit neighborhood, social media, etc...word gets out.

I really doubt this, grand parents die ALL THE TIME. I think I have heard of it maybe once? I mean it seems really weird to be in a school announcement honestly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the F knows? She may be unaware, she could be unsure how to broach your loss (I mean it seems pretty uncouth to mention via text, maybe she was waiting for in person), maybe she is self centered.

You do seem a bit much though. You don’t earn chits against the woman just because you organized a meal train. I would assume you did it as a good generous person, and good generous person thinks the best of people’s intentions, which you are not doing.

Also, to be frank as someone who lost both parents. You lost your elderly dad, which is expected and normal. It sounds like this woman lost her husband way way young (if she has kids who still need rides, unless she married a geriatric?). So her loss is much more debilitating and unexpected, and honesty is probably past of why she is so desperate for a freaking carpool which you seem to want to snub her about.

I think this response is HARSH. I don't agree with engaging in a tit-for-tat, but I totally get OP feeling hurt by the lack of a response. Okay, maybe it's a different "kind" of loss, but that's not really the issue. The issue is that efforts were made on OP's part (and other that of other neighbors, as well) to be a supportive community, help with the kids, etc. The recipient made NO such efforts at the loss of OP's father, which other neighbors are aware of and provided support for. Maybe OP should give the benefit of the doubt here, because quite honestly, it does sound like this neighbor is a TAKER and probably isn't keeping her finger on the pulse of what's happening with her neighbors. I think OP is well within her rights to draw the line here and say "nope, can't do a ballet carpool" and quietly feel hurt at the neighbor's lack of response. And just a reminder here, while the loss of a young spouse would definitely be debilitating, this loss happened FIVE years ago. I can see the neighbors pitching in occasionally to help out a now single parent with carpool here and there, but this sounds to me like the recipient is taking advantage a bit.

Again, OP has no idea if neighbor even knows. It sounds the only announcement was a school email? GMAFB. I’m sure the widow spends her evenings perusing the school correspondence for these nuggets, nothing better to do as a single mom of young kids.

Again, OP is stuffing a ride to the daughter of a young WIDOW because she for pettiness.

Tight-knit neighborhood, social media, etc...word gets out.

I really doubt this, grand parents die ALL THE TIME. I think I have heard of it maybe once? I mean it seems really weird to be in a school announcement honestly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the F knows? She may be unaware, she could be unsure how to broach your loss (I mean it seems pretty uncouth to mention via text, maybe she was waiting for in person), maybe she is self centered.

You do seem a bit much though. You don’t earn chits against the woman just because you organized a meal train. I would assume you did it as a good generous person, and good generous person thinks the best of people’s intentions, which you are not doing.

Also, to be frank as someone who lost both parents. You lost your elderly dad, which is expected and normal. It sounds like this woman lost her husband way way young (if she has kids who still need rides, unless she married a geriatric?). So her loss is much more debilitating and unexpected, and honesty is probably past of why she is so desperate for a freaking carpool which you seem to want to snub her about.

I think this response is HARSH. I don't agree with engaging in a tit-for-tat, but I totally get OP feeling hurt by the lack of a response. Okay, maybe it's a different "kind" of loss, but that's not really the issue. The issue is that efforts were made on OP's part (and other that of other neighbors, as well) to be a supportive community, help with the kids, etc. The recipient made NO such efforts at the loss of OP's father, which other neighbors are aware of and provided support for. Maybe OP should give the benefit of the doubt here, because quite honestly, it does sound like this neighbor is a TAKER and probably isn't keeping her finger on the pulse of what's happening with her neighbors. I think OP is well within her rights to draw the line here and say "nope, can't do a ballet carpool" and quietly feel hurt at the neighbor's lack of response. And just a reminder here, while the loss of a young spouse would definitely be debilitating, this loss happened FIVE years ago. I can see the neighbors pitching in occasionally to help out a now single parent with carpool here and there, but this sounds to me like the recipient is taking advantage a bit.

Again, OP has no idea if neighbor even knows. It sounds the only announcement was a school email? GMAFB. I’m sure the widow spends her evenings perusing the school correspondence for these nuggets, nothing better to do as a single mom of young kids.

Again, OP is stuffing a ride to the daughter of a young WIDOW because she for pettiness.

Tight-knit neighborhood, social media, etc...word gets out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the F knows? She may be unaware, she could be unsure how to broach your loss (I mean it seems pretty uncouth to mention via text, maybe she was waiting for in person), maybe she is self centered.

You do seem a bit much though. You don’t earn chits against the woman just because you organized a meal train. I would assume you did it as a good generous person, and good generous person thinks the best of people’s intentions, which you are not doing.

Also, to be frank as someone who lost both parents. You lost your elderly dad, which is expected and normal. It sounds like this woman lost her husband way way young (if she has kids who still need rides, unless she married a geriatric?). So her loss is much more debilitating and unexpected, and honesty is probably past of why she is so desperate for a freaking carpool which you seem to want to snub her about.

I think this response is HARSH. I don't agree with engaging in a tit-for-tat, but I totally get OP feeling hurt by the lack of a response. Okay, maybe it's a different "kind" of loss, but that's not really the issue. The issue is that efforts were made on OP's part (and other that of other neighbors, as well) to be a supportive community, help with the kids, etc. The recipient made NO such efforts at the loss of OP's father, which other neighbors are aware of and provided support for. Maybe OP should give the benefit of the doubt here, because quite honestly, it does sound like this neighbor is a TAKER and probably isn't keeping her finger on the pulse of what's happening with her neighbors. I think OP is well within her rights to draw the line here and say "nope, can't do a ballet carpool" and quietly feel hurt at the neighbor's lack of response. And just a reminder here, while the loss of a young spouse would definitely be debilitating, this loss happened FIVE years ago. I can see the neighbors pitching in occasionally to help out a now single parent with carpool here and there, but this sounds to me like the recipient is taking advantage a bit.

Again, OP has no idea if neighbor even knows. It sounds the only announcement was a school email? GMAFB. I’m sure the widow spends her evenings perusing the school correspondence for these nuggets, nothing better to do as a single mom of young kids.

Again, OP is stuffing a ride to the daughter of a young WIDOW because she for pettiness.

Anonymous wrote:I would try, if possible, to separate the carpool question from the sleight you feel over her failure to acknowledge your loss. You don't know why she has not reached out to offer condolences--as others have said, maybe she is unaware, maybe she finds it triggering, maybe she's self-centered--but it has nothing to do with the carpool request, and certainly nothing to do with her kid.

In any event, I'm sorry for your loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the F knows? She may be unaware, she could be unsure how to broach your loss (I mean it seems pretty uncouth to mention via text, maybe she was waiting for in person), maybe she is self centered.

You do seem a bit much though. You don’t earn chits against the woman just because you organized a meal train. I would assume you did it as a good generous person, and good generous person thinks the best of people’s intentions, which you are not doing.

Also, to be frank as someone who lost both parents. You lost your elderly dad, which is expected and normal. It sounds like this woman lost her husband way way young (if she has kids who still need rides, unless she married a geriatric?). So her loss is much more debilitating and unexpected, and honesty is probably past of why she is so desperate for a freaking carpool which you seem to want to snub her about.

I think this response is HARSH. I don't agree with engaging in a tit-for-tat, but I totally get OP feeling hurt by the lack of a response. Okay, maybe it's a different "kind" of loss, but that's not really the issue. The issue is that efforts were made on OP's part (and other that of other neighbors, as well) to be a supportive community, help with the kids, etc. The recipient made NO such efforts at the loss of OP's father, which other neighbors are aware of and provided support for. Maybe OP should give the benefit of the doubt here, because quite honestly, it does sound like this neighbor is a TAKER and probably isn't keeping her finger on the pulse of what's happening with her neighbors. I think OP is well within her rights to draw the line here and say "nope, can't do a ballet carpool" and quietly feel hurt at the neighbor's lack of response. And just a reminder here, while the loss of a young spouse would definitely be debilitating, this loss happened FIVE years ago. I can see the neighbors pitching in occasionally to help out a now single parent with carpool here and there, but this sounds to me like the recipient is taking advantage a bit.

Anonymous wrote:Who the F knows? She may be unaware, she could be unsure how to broach your loss (I mean it seems pretty uncouth to mention via text, maybe she was waiting for in person), maybe she is self centered.

You do seem a bit much though. You don’t earn chits against the woman just because you organized a meal train. I would assume you did it as a good generous person, and good generous person thinks the best of people’s intentions, which you are not doing.

Also, to be frank as someone who lost both parents. You lost your elderly dad, which is expected and normal. It sounds like this woman lost her husband way way young (if she has kids who still need rides, unless she married a geriatric?). So her loss is much more debilitating and unexpected, and honesty is probably past of why she is so desperate for a freaking carpool which you seem to want to snub her about.