Mine are 12 and 14 years old. Yes bigger kids bigger problems, but I would say that it’s physically harder when they’re little and mentally harder when they’re older.

It gets easier during elementary school. That's the sweet spot. If you have a third, you'll never hit that spot because all of your kids will never be in ES at the same time.

Mine are 3 and 6 and it definitely feels much easier now and has been getting that way over the past year. The kids play together fairly well and independently at times. I’m thankful that I’m no longer dealing with breastfeeding/newborn issues/sleep deprivation. We knew we would be done with 2. It’s hard enough to juggle 2 full time jobs with 2 kids.

See if the nanny can stay an hour longer or hire someone to cook/clean/help out on the weekends. If you are struggling with 2 and you already have a nanny, I surely wouldn't recommend a third any time soon. I would say it gets easier when the infant sleeps more. Sleep is so important and underrated by way too many people. You will feel so much better once you start getting more sleep. It gets easier again when the oldest is 3.5/4 or so and able to get dressed, get a drink/snack on their own, and play for longer periods on their own. If they are in pre-school, even better (even if its just part-time). Pre-k can help them learn independence sooner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this with kindness. Do not have a third. Don’t. Trust me. It’s really really hard with two parents who work. Your health and your marriage especially will take a major hit. You won’t listen but at least I told you so.

I'm listening. Why is 3 so much harder? I love my job and I don't plan to give it up, but I do feel bad having a sitter on the weekends because we have a nanny from 8:30-5:30 from M-F. I work in a corporate role, but am remote. That might make 3 easier, right?

DP, and three is so much harder because it's another human being. Mine are 9, 7, and 5 and while it's in many ways easier than when they were, say, 4.5, 2.5, and a newborn, there are still challenges (tween drama! scheduling! school!), even while we're largely much better-rested. But three vs. two means another human who needs attention, love, resources, etc., and when you have two FT working parents (as DH and I do), it's hard. We also don't have helpful family, but even if you do, keep in mind that family can get sick or have circumstances change or whatever.

So, yeah. At the very least, I don't think three is doable with two parents in "big" careers. Being a parent means being a parent for life, IMO, and you have to pace yourself so you don't burn out by the time they're 12 or whatever. Kids need a lot as they get older, too, even if that shifts from physical demands to emotional.

I've got 3 kids-2 in their late teens, one 21. It has been a difficult slog from day one--the teen years have pretty much been sheer hell my oldest has gotten easier after he turned 19. We have no family nearby (well none that helped --including my mother) Don't have a third.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this with kindness. Do not have a third. Don’t. Trust me. It’s really really hard with two parents who work. Your health and your marriage especially will take a major hit. You won’t listen but at least I told you so.

I'm listening. Why is 3 so much harder? I love my job and I don't plan to give it up, but I do feel bad having a sitter on the weekends because we have a nanny from 8:30-5:30 from M-F. I work in a corporate role, but am remote. That might make 3 easier, right?

You sound really naive. A third kid means 50% more of everything… time, money, attention

There's also a larger age gap so it's harder to meet everyone's needs. The oldest kid will what to be put doing interesting things and focusing on activities while the youngest is a terror who still needs naps.

Ages 5-12/13 are the easy ages. That's the golden period everyone looks back on fondly.

Some teens have a hard time in adolescence and their problems are hard to solve because you can't fix it for them.

It's stuff they have to fix on their own (social problems, fitting in and finding/keeping friends, academic problems, problems with motivation and executive functioning, figuring out what they want to do with their lives, eating disorders, bullying, sexual harassment and assault, drugs and alcohol abuse, addiction, etc.).

I mean, surely you know this. Teenage years are hard because they start having adult sized problems before their brains are fully developed.

My kids are almost 7 and almost 9 and I will say these years are the easier years. My friends with middle schoolers are really going through it though. I will also say that my 4 year old niece is with us on vacation now, so we have a 4, 6, and 8 year old under one roof but 4 adults. It would be way harder if it was just DH and I and 3 kids those ages, so I agree with the above posters to reconsider having a 3rd. I say this with family help close by and only having 2.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this with kindness. Do not have a third. Don’t. Trust me. It’s really really hard with two parents who work. Your health and your marriage especially will take a major hit. You won’t listen but at least I told you so.

I'm listening. Why is 3 so much harder? I love my job and I don't plan to give it up, but I do feel bad having a sitter on the weekends because we have a nanny from 8:30-5:30 from M-F. I work in a corporate role, but am remote. That might make 3 easier, right?

You sound really naive. A third kid means 50% more of everything… time, money, attention

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this with kindness. Do not have a third. Don’t. Trust me. It’s really really hard with two parents who work. Your health and your marriage especially will take a major hit. You won’t listen but at least I told you so.

I'm listening. Why is 3 so much harder? I love my job and I don't plan to give it up, but I do feel bad having a sitter on the weekends because we have a nanny from 8:30-5:30 from M-F. I work in a corporate role, but am remote. That might make 3 easier, right?

Easier than what? It's never going to be easier to have three kids than to have two. If it's hard now, it will not be easier when another person is added.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this with kindness. Do not have a third. Don’t. Trust me. It’s really really hard with two parents who work. Your health and your marriage especially will take a major hit. You won’t listen but at least I told you so.

I'm listening. Why is 3 so much harder? I love my job and I don't plan to give it up, but I do feel bad having a sitter on the weekends because we have a nanny from 8:30-5:30 from M-F. I work in a corporate role, but am remote. That might make 3 easier, right?

No, not really. With 3 you are outnumbered and cannot give enough time to any of them.

Anonymous wrote:I mean this with kindness. Do not have a third. Don’t. Trust me. It’s really really hard with two parents who work. Your health and your marriage especially will take a major hit. You won’t listen but at least I told you so.

I'm listening. Why is 3 so much harder? I love my job and I don't plan to give it up, but I do feel bad having a sitter on the weekends because we have a nanny from 8:30-5:30 from M-F. I work in a corporate role, but am remote. That might make 3 easier, right?

I sort of agree with PP that it might be best to change your plans and stop at 2. Research shows that for most families 3 is the hardest number of kids. I planned on having more but I stopped at two for various reasons and it is so perfect.

https://www.today.com/parents/mom-survey-says-three-most-stressful-number-kids-t127551

Whenever it is, it will be that much later if you have a third kid.