Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose he had his thyroid checked, iron levels and all the things that doctors check when the patient complains of lethargy? He must do a full medical workup, because if the cause is physical and untreated, that’s dangerous. Untreated hypothyroidism for example, leads to weight gain, fatigue, depression, lethargy, heart problems then organ failure and death.

I hear you about the separation conundrum. I have the same issue, with a spouse who has different problems but the end result is the same: I do not want to leave my kids with him half the time.

Op here. Nothing has been checked. He will not go to the doctor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. If a person refuses to see a doctor, and continuously lies, I don’t see how I’m supposed to “force” him. How? I’ve cried, begged, tantrums, threatened divorce. It goes nowhere. He pretends to agree to do the thing at the time, then doesn’t (or puts on a charade of pretending to go to the doctor). Or he tells me I’m crazy and dramatizing the situation and that I need to see a doctor.

Even if I get him to the doc, he’s not going to follow through on the recommendations. How do I force him to take medicine? Go to the lab for bloodwork? Go to his follow up appointments? Exercise? Stop eating garbage food?

You can’t “make” anyone do anything they are unwilling to do.

That's all true, and I feel for you. At the same time, you're engaged in catastrophizing here -- that there is no point in pursuing any medical care, because he'll never comply with it. I think it's worth at least one time when you go with him to the appointment, describe the situation to the doctor (I think you should start with primary care, although a psychiatrist is ultimately going to be necessary), and sit with him to make sure he's seen and evaluated. Will that change things? I don't know, but worth a try. You are likely going to divorce anyway, so trying to get him into treatment can only help. It might help the marriage, or it might help him be a more competent co-parent down the road. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. If a person refuses to see a doctor, and continuously lies, I don’t see how I’m supposed to “force” him. How? I’ve cried, begged, tantrums, threatened divorce. It goes nowhere. He pretends to agree to do the thing at the time, then doesn’t (or puts on a charade of pretending to go to the doctor). Or he tells me I’m crazy and dramatizing the situation and that I need to see a doctor.

Even if I get him to the doc, he’s not going to follow through on the recommendations. How do I force him to take medicine? Go to the lab for bloodwork? Go to his follow up appointments? Exercise? Stop eating garbage food?

You can’t “make” anyone do anything they are unwilling to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have family that cares? Can you get his parents involved? Siblings? Have them help you and stage an intervention. He probably needs to see a psychiatrist and get on some meds first then work on getting back into a normal schedule.

Op here. He does not. I have only met his mother once. She is an addict. His father lives very far away and we’ve only seen him twice. They are not functional people and have a lot of problems of their own. We only hear from them when they contact us to ask for money.

Ok, so there is a history of mental illness in his family. I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist, and take him there to be evaluated. Get a plan and then work on it. Also go to primary care doctor to get a work up but this sounds like depression and he needs treatment from mental health professionals. If he will not go, find an attorney and build a case against his parenting skills and then divorce him. This is not sustainable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose he had his thyroid checked, iron levels and all the things that doctors check when the patient complains of lethargy? He must do a full medical workup, because if the cause is physical and untreated, that’s dangerous. Untreated hypothyroidism for example, leads to weight gain, fatigue, depression, lethargy, heart problems then organ failure and death.

I hear you about the separation conundrum. I have the same issue, with a spouse who has different problems but the end result is the same: I do not want to leave my kids with him half the time.

Op here. Nothing has been checked. He will not go to the doctor.

He MUST go! Stage an intervention or something, hold his hand, bribe him, get his father/brother/boss, whoever to cajole him…

This is incredibly serious. My best friend became hypothyroid and was so depressed she couldn’t make the decision to seek medical care. Her husband had to make the appointment, drive her there, sit with her in the office… she was like a little child for awhile until meds kicked in.

Op here. I know he needs to see a doctor. I’ve done all you describe short of driving him there because he insisted he did not want me to. I’ll try driving him but at a certain point it’s simply not feasible for me to be his full time caretaker. One doctors visit isn’t going to fix this. He will have to do blood work, follow up, etc.

My plate is already very full parenting our children and providing for our family. Also, DH lies. For months I believed he had been to see a doctor because I made him an appointment and he pretended to go and even gave me a fake “report” afterwards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose he had his thyroid checked, iron levels and all the things that doctors check when the patient complains of lethargy? He must do a full medical workup, because if the cause is physical and untreated, that’s dangerous. Untreated hypothyroidism for example, leads to weight gain, fatigue, depression, lethargy, heart problems then organ failure and death.

I hear you about the separation conundrum. I have the same issue, with a spouse who has different problems but the end result is the same: I do not want to leave my kids with him half the time.

Op here. Nothing has been checked. He will not go to the doctor.

He MUST go! Stage an intervention or something, hold his hand, bribe him, get his father/brother/boss, whoever to cajole him…

This is incredibly serious. My best friend became hypothyroid and was so depressed she couldn’t make the decision to seek medical care. Her husband had to make the appointment, drive her there, sit with her in the office… she was like a little child for awhile until meds kicked in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have family that cares? Can you get his parents involved? Siblings? Have them help you and stage an intervention. He probably needs to see a psychiatrist and get on some meds first then work on getting back into a normal schedule.

Op here. He does not. I have only met his mother once. She is an addict. His father lives very far away and we’ve only seen him twice. They are not functional people and have a lot of problems of their own. We only hear from them when they contact us to ask for money.