First, it is not at all unusual to pass for being in your 20s at 40. I’m white and this happened to be all the time. I think part can be explained by the fact that people don’t know what 40 looks like. In my experience some time after 49!you can still look good but you start to sort of look your age.

As for kids, isn’t the saying “they keep you young but they make you old”?

No I don't think it aged me. I held up pretty good until the pandemic. Kids combined with a pandemic made for a very noticeable change in a year.

I think it’s mostly genetic. Of course the sleepless nights make you look tired, but it’s not permanent. I don’t know if I look you get than my age, but I think I look good. I do Botox twice a year on my forehead and at 37 I don’t have any (even small) wrinkles.
I do think that darker skin tones often have thicker and more elastic skins that don’t wrinkle as much (I am white).

My friend works for celebrities and many of them who have kids have a constant stream of nannies. Every moment of every day is covered by at least one nanny and sometimes more than one. They also have night nurses which is how they can look so not tired. I’d look good too if I got 8-10 hours of sleep every day.

Yes. My hair has gotten noticeably grayer after each kid, which isnt really an issue of taking care of yourself. I think the sleep deprivation takes a toll too.

Chill out with the racism though, I already had to report one very offensive post.

No. I'm white, I had my kids in my late 30s, and people still tell me I look 10-15 years younger than I am. It's genetic. My mom had four kids and looked very youthful until menopause. Even now, in her 70s, she looks younger than she is, though she still looks "old". Because she is.

Sometimes I look more tired now because I am. Having small children is truly exhausting. There's nothing like it. Before I had children, I had an extremely demanding job that regularly required extensive travel (and not fun travel, but like taking the red eye from Minneapolis to Phoenix to make a meeting on a Saturday morning travel) and working insane hours. I thought nothing would ever make me feel as tired as that job. But having kids does. However, it's also WAAAAAAAY more rewarding than some BS corporate gig, so I wouldn't trade back for all the money in the world. But yeah, I'm tired.

It's just genetics, plus luck, plus lifestyle, plus some upkeep. Some people look youthful for a long time, some don't. Look at Salma Hayek, Julia Roberts, Halle Berry, Paul Rudd, John Stamos, JLo... yes, they are wealthy and have access to procedures and makeup artists and all that. But that stuff only goes so far. And it won't work if you are predisposed to age poorly, or if you have a terrible lifestyle.

Anonymous wrote:No. I had my kids in my late 20s and I got back in shape. I did have dark circles from the sleepless nights but I used undereye concealer. Your attitude and lifestyle matter, barring any unforseen health problems.

This is true. I'm the teacher who posted above. In the summers, I work as a nanny for a very wealthy family. The mom looks fantastic! She has told me about some cosmetic surgery and lots of pampering from weekly massages, facials, and other things I don't even know what they are! Plus she goes away by herself frequently for long weekends and with her friends for girl's weekends. I benefit financially from her benefitting physically and mentally since I make a lot of money staying with the kids while she is away. Dad is always away playing golf.

Yes, it does. I have a friend with no kids and she says she can't relate to being as tired as her friends with kids are. She doesn't look as tired and has the energy to do what she wants. My energy is sucked out of me by my teenager and worrying about him and all of the years I have parented him alone. Plus, I'm a teacher so this past year really zapped my energy. A normal school year is tiring but this past year was exhausting.

My husband, who is south Asian, has aged horribly since having kids. Even he and his own mother will say so. Especially the skin under his eyes is shot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. You have to worry about and provide for a defenseless child you brought into the world.

If that responsibility doesn't age you, you probably aren't doing it right.

You do the same for pets though! You bring defenseless pets home and have to feed, train, exercise them, etc.

A pet is not a child. Raise a child and you will admit the difference. Promise.

+100. I love my dogs. But there is no comparison. None.

If there is no comparison, you aren’t doing it right. I feel sorry for your pets.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a latina and almost 40 but I constantly get told by doctors they thought I was in my 20's when they first met me. I see constant posts on here about people over 40 who say they feel old and slow. I also notice some races look much older after having kids even when they are actually younger than me. Does having a baby actually age someone?

I get this from Drs too, and teachers, co-workers, random salespeople, etc. My Mom's this way too. She's 75 but looks 55.
Having kids wrecked my stomach skin, but otherwise no outward signs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. You have to worry about and provide for a defenseless child you brought into the world.

If that responsibility doesn't age you, you probably aren't doing it right.

You do the same for pets though! You bring defenseless pets home and have to feed, train, exercise them, etc.

No, it is not the same. Get real.

Yes! Of course!

Kids will age you for sure, but they also give you life too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. You have to worry about and provide for a defenseless child you brought into the world.

If that responsibility doesn't age you, you probably aren't doing it right.

You do the same for pets though! You bring defenseless pets home and have to feed, train, exercise them, etc.

A pet is not a child. Raise a child and you will admit the difference. Promise.

+100. I love my dogs. But there is no comparison. None.

No. I had my kids in my late 20s and I got back in shape. I did have dark circles from the sleepless nights but I used undereye concealer. Your attitude and lifestyle matter, barring any unforseen health problems.