I was a SAHM and I was tired by the end of the day with the baby. My DH was a HUGE HELP and he loved to be with the baby so when he came back home it was like salvation to me. Nope, my DH was not getting much attention from me and he was ok with it. In fact, since I was EBF till 9 months on demand, my libido was non-existent. My DH was A-OK with that too. Do you know why? Because sleep was the thing that both of us wanted because we both were doing our best with the baby. If your DH is not helping as much as he can with the baby then he will not understand how tiring it is during the first year.

We have been happily married for 30 yrs now. Our youngest is ready to go to college in Fall. My DH was very supportive BF when we were dating and a considerate husband when we got married. But, when he became the involved dad to our babies, he transformed our marriage and family into something special. I loved being a mom because I was tremendously supported by my DH. The best gift you can give to your children is a great dad. And my DH is a great dad.

I don't understand this nonsense I oftentime keep hearing that young dads don't want to pull their weight at home. And they especially are reluctant to do anything if their wives are SAHMs. SMH. What kind of idiots have you ladies married? This seems like a new thing to me. I don't know any dad of my generation (in our 50s) in our social circle who were not in the trenches in the first few years.

OP, Do NOT have anther kid for several years, if at all. You are way too tired. So many women make this mistake. You can see the misery and fatigue on their face. What were you thinking??

Poor little you. You should have thought of this prior to getting pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:Had my first DC 6 months ago. I LOVE her to the moon and back. She’s my joy and I am happy to see her everyday. No PPD or PPA. But I am also tired (even though we have help with chores, I do most of the baby care and baby still wakes up twice to eat at night post sleep training). And at the end of the day once baby goes to bed, I just don’t want to interact with anyone anymore. I have no patience with DH- I used to be a very supportive spouse, would listen to him when he needed emotional support and needed to vent about something- now I’m counting the seconds till he is done talking so I can decompress in silence with a book or tv. I also used to do little nice things for him like back rubs and I just don’t have it in me anymore. DH hasn’t said anything but I know I’m not treating him like I used to. Is this normal? Will it pass? Or is this the new normal?

New normal.

So so normal! I remember the exact same feeling during the first year. Give yourself some grace for just needing quiet time at night, which you should NOT feel any guilt about. The first year is more about surviving than thriving. Once you're comfortable with leaving the baby and if you can get a babysitter you should prioritize a date night, it really helps with feeling reconnected to your spouse so the disconnect during the exhausted days feels less burdensome.

IME, normal.

For me it actually was harder later, when the child was older. My DH gave me a lot of space that first year, plus he was really helpful with the baby. It was harder when she was a toddler because it didn't play to his parenting strengths so he helped less, and I found a toddler far more draining than a baby because you have to handle their social-emotional development and I personally find it more draining to talk a child through meltdowns or help them figure out how to handle disappointment or frustration, than meeting the physical and emotional needs of a baby. But that's me and might be specific to my kid or my personality. Everyone is different.

I have found the best resolution is childcare. I was a SAHM until DD was 2 and then went back PT, then FT when she turned 4. The more time she spent in someone else's care during the day, while I worked (but also got to be alone, talk to other adults, ate meals without having to prepare someone else's meals, and just generally felt more like a person and less like a butler/therapist all the time), the more energy and interest I had in my DH and the more I had to give him.

I have a SAHM friend who was struggling with this and she got some part time childcare a few days a week and it made a huge difference. That's not something we could afford when I was SAHMing, but if you can afford it (or have family who could help you out), I would highly recommend that.

Anonymous wrote: I used to be a very supportive spouse

OP was your DH a supportive spouse before the baby? Is he a supportive father? Is he as supportive of you as he was before (you are under more pressure as the mother of an infant so his level of support should have increased)?

Anonymous wrote:Had my first DC 6 months ago. I LOVE her to the moon and back. She’s my joy and I am happy to see her everyday. No PPD or PPA. But I am also tired (even though we have help with chores, I do most of the baby care and baby still wakes up twice to eat at night post sleep training). And at the end of the day once baby goes to bed, I just don’t want to interact with anyone anymore. I have no patience with DH- I used to be a very supportive spouse, would listen to him when he needed emotional support and needed to vent about something- now I’m counting the seconds till he is done talking so I can decompress in silence with a book or tv. I also used to do little nice things for him like back rubs and I just don’t have it in me anymore. DH hasn’t said anything but I know I’m not treating him like I used to. Is this normal? Will it pass? Or is this the new normal?

You better get some help or you are going to end up divorced. You are treating your DH dreadfully do don't be surprised when he looks elsewhere for affection. You are terrible.

Yeah it’s just hard and you are kind of in the deepest part now. When my kids were little like that, I craved being alone like it was heroin. I would be honest with your husband and say “I’m just tapped at the end of the day. It doesn’t mean I’m not interested or don’t love you. I just need a little bit of time to myself.” Otherwise he will pick up on your vibe and that will make bigger problems. I promise it won’t last forever and in 10-15 years time you’ll be back here telling a new mom the same things everyone here has told you. It’s a big adjustment

What is your DH doing in terms of babycare and housework? Are you SAHM?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’ll live. They always need a lot of attention and will take as much as you can give. He can adjust to the new normal.

This advice will lead the spouse to either cheat or ask for a divorce.

I have two teens. That advice lead to cheating and divorce. He never adjusted because he is inherently selfish.

Yeah, it sounds like that was the problem and not the baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’ll live. They always need a lot of attention and will take as much as you can give. He can adjust to the new normal.

This advice will lead the spouse to either cheat or ask for a divorce.

I have two teens. That advice lead to cheating and divorce. He never adjusted because he is inherently selfish.

Very normal. You are sleep deprived and going through a big life change. Give yourself some grace. Let things improve day to day and talk to yourself husband about how you are feeling. Think about what you can do to get a little more help and sleep. Not all babies sleep through the night at that age, even when you sleep train and do everything “right” plus there are regressions, teething and illness. Those all take their toll. So maybe husband needs to take the baby some mornings or let you get a nap or whatever works to help get you more rested. What you describe is very normal especially for introverts who find child rearing really stimulating (I am this way). If your marriage is strong you will be just fine.

- mother of 2, married 18 years