You need to take a deep breath and a step back. You may have lost sight of the big picture here.

1. Your spouse now has a diagnosis. Knowledge is power and the right treatment may make a world of difference. See where you are in six minths.

2. During this six months, find a good therapist. Get screened for depression and anxiety. If you have one of both, treat them. If you have neither, spend the Six months in therapy taking through how you got to where you are and whether you see a path forward with your spouse.

3. If you are truly caring for three kids alone, figure out what paid or unpaid sources of help you might be able to access.

If you are still this bitter in six months, then leave.

Anonymous wrote:So you're going to take care of the 3 kids yourself 50% of the time, plus whatever time your spouse medically unable to?

No, OP is thinking they will just leave with the kids and the former spouse can flutter in the breeze. I can guarantee it will be easier on OP to do so.

OP - I understand (my spouse is chronically ill and a lot of dreams have died), but you will never NOT look like a bad person if you do this.

For better or for worse.

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a position to pay alimony?

seriously. OP is clearly a man by the style of writing. He'll pay up his nose and also have the kids every time spouse is not well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow, this is the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum

+1 and I wrote a comment suggesting a homeowner spray a homeless person with a home to get them away from the prooerty.

*hose

Anonymous wrote:wow, this is the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum

+1 and I wrote a comment suggesting a homeowner spray a homeless person with a home to get them away from the prooerty.

Anonymous wrote:My husband has MS and I completely understand, OP. It is a very, very difficult situation and anyone who has not experienced it firsthand can possibly understand the toll that it takes on the caretaker spouse in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally. DH is horrible when he is frustrated or angry or both. He treats me very poorly sometimes as I am the only outlet for his feelings.

Would I marry him again? Hell no.

We are approaching retirement and more than once I have been tempted to leave because this is not how I want to live between now and dead. On the other hand, if I do leave, the burden will be shifted to my young adult children, and I cannot bear that. So here I am.

MS is so different than RA. My mom has RA and she manages it with a daily pill. She's 80 y/o and still super active.

Anonymous wrote:My DH stayed by my side while I had some horrible health issues, which eventually resulted in several autoimmune diagnoses that require ongoing management.

Shortly after I started feeling like my symptoms were under control, he developed some SERIOUS issues that were far more complicated and difficult than mine.

There’s a reason it’s “in sickness and in health”.

You obviously have other marital issues if you would even consider this.

Same with us and ITA. In addition, RA is very common and easy to treat.

My husband has MS and I completely understand, OP. It is a very, very difficult situation and anyone who has not experienced it firsthand can possibly understand the toll that it takes on the caretaker spouse in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally. DH is horrible when he is frustrated or angry or both. He treats me very poorly sometimes as I am the only outlet for his feelings.

Would I marry him again? Hell no.

We are approaching retirement and more than once I have been tempted to leave because this is not how I want to live between now and dead. On the other hand, if I do leave, the burden will be shifted to my young adult children, and I cannot bear that. So here I am.

My DH stayed by my side while I had some horrible health issues, which eventually resulted in several autoimmune diagnoses that require ongoing management.

Shortly after I started feeling like my symptoms were under control, he developed some SERIOUS issues that were far more complicated and difficult than mine.

There’s a reason it’s “in sickness and in health”.

You obviously have other marital issues if you would even consider this.

^*won’t be

It’s not uncommon for it to take years to diagnose RA, from what I understand. You can leave anytime, but there’s no time that you don’t be considered a SOB - that’s unavoidable, and your cross to bear.

Anonymous wrote:You can leave at any point you want but don’t expect somebody to make you feel okay about it.

+1

I'd say you can do it when you are prepared to look your kids in the eye and tell them that you left their father because he got sick. And deal with the fallout from that in terms of trust, anger, fear, and resentment.

Now that your spouse has a diagnosis, they can get proper treatment, which can be life changing.

You should be evaluated to see if all this stress has caused depression for you before making a decision. I’m not going to give you a sickness and health beat down but surely you know this is exactly what most people think of when they hear the phrase, not wisdom teeth ffs. If there is anything you can do yourself therapy or medication wise to make this difficult situation more manageable you should do it.