Anonymous wrote:has your cousin always been lazy and selfish?

She’s always been like this but it’s been easy to not see when we’re just dealing with ourselves. So a lot of it is me getting my head around the idea that maybe she’s so awful and I was blinded by how much I just ride or die with my family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she responsible for anyone's kid but her own.

Because when BF and I are dealing with a bunch of little kids getting out the door, grabbing snacks, beach towels, coaxing on sunscreen, kissing booboos, and putting on sunhats, it’s my view that a relative is totally reasonably responsible for throwing snacks in a bag, adding chairs to the car, or asking if the kids have peed. Not sitting on their phones and asking why the cooler is empty.

Um, no, she’s not responsible for doing all that for other people’s kids. Sorry.

How far away does she live? I think you should just tell her you think it’s too crowded with all the kids and say, but we’d love you to come over and hang out a few times!

has your cousin always been lazy and selfish?

Anonymous wrote:She’s splitting costs thank god.

Her DH is here as well but doesn’t take vacation from work so a lot of times we have to shush the kids bc he’s on a call and shoots us looks.

Her baby is 1. Then we have a 2, 3, 4, and 5 year old.

Yeah, no. Shut this down. There’s no way I’d be quieting my kids for someone who chose not to go into the office. Call the cousin this weekend. Tell her it’s not going to work next year.

Anonymous wrote:She’s splitting costs thank god.

Her DH is here as well but doesn’t take vacation from work so a lot of times we have to shush the kids bc he’s on a call and shoots us looks.

Her baby is 1. Then we have a 2, 3, 4, and 5 year old.

Holy shit OP, I’d have lost my shit

PP here. I would also mention the fact that everyone has to regulate themselves around cousin's husband because he's working. Not cool. He should go home and work and not expect a household of children to be quiet. Screw that guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she responsible for anyone's kid but her own.

Because when BF and I are dealing with a bunch of little kids getting out the door, grabbing snacks, beach towels, coaxing on sunscreen, kissing booboos, and putting on sunhats, it’s my view that a relative is totally reasonably responsible for throwing snacks in a bag, adding chairs to the car, or asking if the kids have peed. Not sitting on their phones and asking why the cooler is empty.

She is not responsible for your kids. Ignore her and just make food for you, BF and your kids and let her figure it out.

I agree but when the person is not even being neutral, but instead adding to your plate, it’s easy and legit to get resentful. Also any close relative can be generally expected to be helpful enough to seek human.

agree with a PP that you need to say something and be honest NOW while it's all still fresh. tell her that the tradition needs to stop because now with children you need a different kind of vacation where everyone does their part. you were disappointed, sad and angry by their lack pitching in and it's hard to believe she can be so oblivious. The good news is they live locally, which can make visiting and having beach days together easier. If you say something now, you'll have a whole year for this to blow over. And if cousin decides she's mortally hurt, fine, sounds like you're not a fan of who's she's become anyway.

She’s splitting costs thank god.

Her DH is here as well but doesn’t take vacation from work so a lot of times we have to shush the kids bc he’s on a call and shoots us looks.

Her baby is 1. Then we have a 2, 3, 4, and 5 year old.

Maybe since she is not staying at the house (sounds like she is local and crashes there at night?) she feels like she doesn’t have to help with the day to day of the rental house?

Is she splitting food & beverage costs, or is she mooching there as well?

A few more questions:

What are the ages of your children? It sounds like cousin has a baby, and you and your friend have preschoolers?

Does cousin’s spouse ever come? Is she viewing it as a “break”? (Not saying I agree with her behavior—I don’t—I’m just trying to understand.

Does cousin ever invite you and friend over to her house?

I would have gotten angry on the day it was her turn to cook and I would have let her know.

Don't be passive aggressive for goodness sake. Like not speaking up and having a dialogue, and then lashing out.

Tell her it's been a lot of work on you cooking and picking up and you need a break unless she can team up with you to do dishes, laundry, maybe cook a few nights.

I don’t think you need to tell her the truth but I do think you need to find a way to extract yourself from this get together. I’d blame the kids and tell her that since she is local it doesn’t make sense to keep this up and that you look forward to meeting up just not staying together. There may be fallout but it will be temporary.