Anonymous wrote:Do other mothers not really have a problem with other caregivers being the primary attachment? Even just from the difficulties you’ll have at night time and on weekends from this? OP I can relate. I went to part time work and hired a fabulous nanny for three days a week because of this. Mostly working mothers house on this board who justify their choices just as we justify ours of course. Just do what feels right for you and you’ll all be fine.

What difficulties and nights and weekends?

No, it’s never once occurred to me that nanny was my kids primary attachment although they both love her. Our nanny is fantastic and they have a great day with her which makes me happy.

I truly hope you didn’t give up a great career because of this irrational fear, PP. You should have sought therapy (which sounds harsh but I mean it kindly). Do you plan to homeschool your child three days a week too?

Yes other women have that worry - no it doesn’t play out. Assuming you are a warm and loving mother the kids just know your mommy. The way you nurture them and love on them is just different. Both my kids have had a 50 hour a week nanny since they were 3mo and it’s so so so clear that I
I’m their #1 - their sun, their top love etc. and our nanny is fantastic and loves them dearly, but even babies know when it’s mommny

Anonymous wrote:I loved my nanny so much growing up but was absolutely more attached to my mom. But, to this day, I am so grateful I had Nanny in my life. My brother and I both spoke at her funeral when we were adults and spoke of all the things Nanny taught us . I miss her. But my mom is my best friend and my rock.

I forgot to add that I have a brilliant and loving nanny for my little kids. She’s taught my toddler so much and has infinite patience. And, right now, aside fro DH and me, nanny is the only person the nine-month-old will happily go to. That said, there is no doubt DH and I are their primary attachments. But the toddler runs to nanny when she comes in in the morning and the baby gets all giggly and smiles and puts her arms out for nanny to hug her. It’s lovely.

Anonymous wrote:Do other mothers not really have a problem with other caregivers being the primary attachment? Even just from the difficulties you’ll have at night time and on weekends from this? OP I can relate. I went to part time work and hired a fabulous nanny for three days a week because of this. Mostly working mothers house on this board who justify their choices just as we justify ours of course. Just do what feels right for you and you’ll all be fine.

Does this really happen? We’ve had our wonderful nanny with us daily, full time (8-5) for 4 years, since my oldest was a baby. The kids love her. But… Never once have they asked for her at nighttime or on the weekends. They still want and prefer mama 100% of the time.

I loved my nanny so much growing up but was absolutely more attached to my mom. But, to this day, I am so grateful I had Nanny in my life. My brother and I both spoke at her funeral when we were adults and spoke of all the things Nanny taught us . I miss her. But my mom is my best friend and my rock.

Anonymous wrote:Do other mothers not really have a problem with other caregivers being the primary attachment? Even just from the difficulties you’ll have at night time and on weekends from this? OP I can relate. I went to part time work and hired a fabulous nanny for three days a week because of this. Mostly working mothers house on this board who justify their choices just as we justify ours of course. Just do what feels right for you and you’ll all be fine.

Never crossed my mind. I had a wonderful nanny for both kids since they were 6 months. I am their primary attachment (they are 2 and 5) and there is no doubt about that at all and dad is second (sometimes first for the 2 year old- go figure). They run to me and to him when they are hurt or excited to share etc. We care for them middle of the night, mornings, afternoon/evenings, weekends. They also spend lots of time with grandparents. More adults who love and care for them and can teach them and be a safe, dependable person in their lives is a good thing. We dont have difficulties on weekends etc. kids are smart, they know what the rules are and what each care giver is capable of.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DC, OP?

9 months! And to clarify, I don’t want to be the ONLY person in DCs life. But I was raised by nannies and definitely recall being closer to them than my own mother, which is sad in hindsight.

I was also raised by nannies and wasn't close with my own mother. I haven't talked to her since I was 16 - more than half my life. But that wasn't because I had nannies. That was because my mother consistently pushed me away, and always sided with her boyfriends and husbands and put them before me.

OP, I have a nanny for my kids. They've had the same nanny for as long as they can remember. And when I come home after work (or now, stop working for the day) they are very excited to snuggle with me, or show me the dance they put together, or the picture they drew or obstacle course they created, etc. And I listen, I clap, I brag in their earshot to my friends about them, I watch. Just like adults have hearts big enough to love more than one child, children have big enough hearts to love more than one caregiver too.

You’ll never be the be-all-and-end-all for your child nor should you be. But you’ll always be the primary attachment. Hire a great nanny if you go back to work - someone who can teach your child things you can’t. No child can have too much love.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP stop second guessing yourself. If you feel ill, get help. If not, it’s normal for a mother to want to be with her baby. It’s the most normal thing in the world. We are not meant to leave our children for 8-10 hours a day. It’s fine if you do, but don’t act like that’s how nature built us. Jesus.

I think OP means having a nanny as a SAHM.

OP, please correct me if I’m wrong.

I’m undecided. I’m with a European company and am on leave for one year. While I’m not working, I’d love to have someone come help me for an hour or two each day and during the weekends for some down time. But my concerns are also re a full time nanny if I do go back to work.

You’re worried your child is going to love and need the nanny more than you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP stop second guessing yourself. If you feel ill, get help. If not, it’s normal for a mother to want to be with her baby. It’s the most normal thing in the world. We are not meant to leave our children for 8-10 hours a day. It’s fine if you do, but don’t act like that’s how nature built us. Jesus.

I think OP means having a nanny as a SAHM.

OP, please correct me if I’m wrong.

I’m undecided. I’m with a European company and am on leave for one year. While I’m not working, I’d love to have someone come help me for an hour or two each day and during the weekends for some down time. But my concerns are also re a full time nanny if I do go back to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DC, OP?

9 months! And to clarify, I don’t want to be the ONLY person in DCs life. But I was raised by nannies and definitely recall being closer to them than my own mother, which is sad in hindsight.

uh... sounds like you are projecting your own childhood experience on your 9 month old. Seems like you need to work this out for yourself sooner than later.

Anonymous wrote:OP stop second guessing yourself. If you feel ill, get help. If not, it’s normal for a mother to want to be with her baby. It’s the most normal thing in the world. We are not meant to leave our children for 8-10 hours a day. It’s fine if you do, but don’t act like that’s how nature built us. Jesus.

I think OP means having a nanny as a SAHM.

OP, please correct me if I’m wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop thinking about yourself, OP, and what you want. Think about your baby. It’s time to put the me, me, me Crap on the back burner.

And never, ever, look to your child for validation of your importance. Giving a child that responsibility is unfair and will blow up in your face.

Lol what exactly do you think an infant wants?

A sane, secure mother.

OP stop second guessing yourself. If you feel ill, get help. If not, it’s normal for a mother to want to be with her baby. It’s the most normal thing in the world. We are not meant to leave our children for 8-10 hours a day. It’s fine if you do, but don’t act like that’s how nature built us. Jesus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DC, OP?

9 months! And to clarify, I don’t want to be the ONLY person in DCs life. But I was raised by nannies and definitely recall being closer to them than my own mother, which is sad in hindsight.

That had nothing to do with your mother hiring nannies, OP. In fact, your nannies probably saved your life.

But if you aren’t working and have been home for nine months with your baby, why do you need to think about a nanny?