Thank you all. I am taking note of all the advice here.

We are in MD. UMD (and now also UMBC) is included on my list. We can easily afford full in-state cost even without merit aid, but if it is OOS then we do have a budget. Our income is donut hole, but we also have other obligations (relatives) that we contribute towards so it is not that we can afford any school without taking out loans. Thank you for the reality check.

Location will also matter in terms of the airfare and travel costs for our child and also for us. If he stays in-state, he can also continue with his medical providers. So the OOS college really has to offer advantages to him that are superior to what UMD (or UMBC) can offer in terms of career and education. I am happy that the state schools are setting an impressive high bar. At least that is my perspective.

I understand now what other PPs said about letting him drive the process, because, I am more interested in his education, career, safety and convenience. I hope in his list he will put more emphasis on where he will feel more happy and content.

Anonymous wrote:5) Get a guide like Princeton Review best colleges in the US. They will have lists or schools that are best for each major. Again, your son will see criteria in that book that he may react to one way or another (religious? fraternities? conservative? partying? service opportunities?)
He can also read online reviews at places like UNIGO, which will help him decide what sounds appealing vs unappealing.

This is good advice. We liked the Fiske Guide to Colleges, but Princeton Review is also good. Have him read about the schools on your list and see if he gravitates to some. Fiske has suggestions of similar schools that students apply to for each child. Basically, students who like A, also apply to X, Y, and Z. That could help him (and you) get a sense for what schools are peers that might be of interest.

And I also like the UNIGO reviews. If there are things he's especially interested in (or not interested in), it can be a good way of comparing schools and getting a better sense of what life would be like there.

We had planned on visiting colleges for my '21 senior, but ultimately had to do everything online because of covid. While people can learn a lot through a visit, there is also a ton you can online or from books. I've also heard that it might be more important to visit potential safety schools rather than the dream schools. There's no point in falling in love with a school where admission is a lottery (though if he gets in and then wants to visit, fabulous!). It's much more important to identify safety schools where he could be happy to attend. (Bonus points if he can apply early and get results early and know that he's into college somewhere.)

#1, engage at least an essay consultant who can work one on one with your DC and get those essays started. They will likely also advise on other basic steps to be taking now.

As far as visiting, just spend an hour or so, maybe at lunch to make it less work and more fun, to talk about what they want in a school and if they have any ideas of places that they want to visit this summer. Its always a good idea to plan visits around vacation plans, and so day trips to local schools. Even if they are not interested in the school necessarily, seeing different types and sizes of schools will help them narrow down what they do and don't like.

DC needs to have contacted teachers about recommendations by now.

On August 1st, they can log into the Common App and start filling it out or at least being what types of information they will need to pull together.

First thing to remember is that stakes are low here because you have a kid who will get into a good school and do well. Which good school DC goes to just doesn’t matter that much. Internalize this knowledge and make sure DC and spouse keep it in mind as well.

Second thing is to figure out financial rules of the game for your family. Could range from “anything goes” to “we can only provide $x” to “state flagship looks great; if you want us to pay more for somewhere else, you have to justify why it’s worth it.”

Third thing is finding safeties DC is excited about. It’s really not hard. Safeties aren’t worse schools — they’re just schools that don’t ration admissions. Have DC follow interests to find candidates. These are the schools where visits might matter most.

Next issue is where does your kid want to apply early? (And does ED make sense — vs non-binding EA). Remember that DC can apply (SC)EA to both a public and a private school.

Final issue is making a plan wrt how DC will handle an EA/ED deferral or rejection. Will other apps be completed and ready to go (with HS transcripts/scores already sent) and or will Winter break be hellish if DC isn’t one and done in December? Is there an ED2 option DC is interested in? Which schools don’t get applied to if DC gets into one of the early apps? If you treat this as a multi round game from the beginning, it’s less stressful.

Anonymous wrote:1)I am glad that you are working on getting your anxiety under control.

2) Sounds like you have raised an impressive child. Congratulations.

3) This is not all on you. More and more, you son will be making decisions/taking action. There are guidance counsellors at the school. Your kid is likely talking to peers. Your spouse could also step in, as you work on feeling more in control of your emotions.

4) Visit a few campuses nearby, as others have said. To figure out if he likes urban or rural, big or small campuses.
He may also have an image in his head of what college should look like: my kid wanted buildings about a green quad, lots of campus traditions, etc.

5) Get a guide like Princeton Review best colleges in the US. They will have lists or schools that are best for each major. Again, your son will see criteria in that book that he may react to one way or another (religious? fraternities? conservative? partying? service opportunities?)
He can also read online reviews at places like UNIGO, which will help him decide what sounds appealing vs unappealing.

6) Last but not least, he should draft a common app essay this summer, the questions are online.

You are lucky that he has a lot on the ball. You guys will be fine.

Yep. This is good advice. Also, I agree with the idea that a list of 6 to 10 schools is good. Your child should drive a lot of the decision-making (although if cost is a factor, you should be clear about that).

I haven't discerned from your posts what opinions your child might have. Do they express ANY preference? Hopefully after a couple of visits, they can at least get some ideas about big/small, urban/rural, etc.

DCUM is a good source of information, but it's crazy, too, so bear that in mind.

Anonymous wrote:Using a knowledgeable college counselor helps a lot (especially if DC is an oldest or only child and it is your first time going through the process). Having a coach takes some of the worry out of making a "wrong" decision.

Any recommendations? Thank you in advance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much info on the internet. Why don’t you educate yourself?

Because every school on the website sounds good. I am also not understanding the implications of many things that are listed on the websites.

We were not educated in this country so what we know about what is a good school comes from US News ranking. Not having lived in other places in the US, I cannot say that my kid likes big or small, hot or cold, urban or suburban, greek life or college football.

He wants to do CS. So I used Naviance and US world News to come up with a list. But, it is not a list based on what we know about the schools but rather a copy and paste of what other students have applied to from his school. The Naviance list is also following pretty much the US world news so I suspect that is how people are starting their search?

So I did make a list but this is not a list with any deep thought about what I know about my kid or through some great research (colleges that change life etc) but rather I have followed the list of others. He matches all schools according to Naviance. But obviously that is not true. Also, what do I know about my kid? I have no idea if he will be bored in a safety or crushed in a reach? Should he dream big? Should he be in his small pond? In-state? OOS?

I am second guessing everything. All schools sound good on the websites so my fear is that I will select the school based on some weird criteria and then one day my kid will wake up and say that he could have gone to a better school with his stats but I was a lousy guide!! Or I will not have him apply to some great program or opportunity in a college even though he is eligible.

Start with your budget.
Are out of state schools in the $50-$80k/year in your budget, or are you hoping to stay in state, which is often in rhe $20-30k/year range?
What state do you live in?

Anonymous wrote:There is so much info on the internet. Why don’t you educate yourself?

We are the internet. She’s doing it.

Solid start OP. Your kid is gonna get in somewhere wonderful for him.

Agree strongly with many of the other points raised by others on how to approach. One thing that worked for our child that was high-performing but overwhelmed by the process: We made a spreadsheet (I am also a spreadsheet person) and divided the boxes into categories that our child would complete (size, location, potential majors and programs, additional activities of interest, study abroad opportunities), categories that I would complete as the parent (cost, expected travel cost to/from for vacation), and categories we would discuss together (average GPA and test scores). We made a weekly meeting to check in with one another and regular shared our data on Google sheets. Like your child, he had a valuable opportunity over the summer that precluded many visits. We asked him to tell us what schools/geographic areas he had to see to determine if he even wanted to apply (for examples, he had never been to the Midwest and was considering Big 10 schools). We only went there. For other schools, we decided we would take him to visit IF he was admitted and IF it was something he was considering from the acceptances. We did that on a 3-day weekend in the spring and that is where he attended. Worked great although I remember great stress at the time because it felt like everyone else had seen everywhere.

One thing I would emphasize-- If you have cost/geography constraints, you should have that conversation with your child now if it has not already happened. If you have not figure out what you can afford, you need to spend your time first figuring out your finances because that is one of the critical things your children cannot do by themselves. That may relieve stress either because cost is not a significant issue or because it limits the number/type/location of schools you are considering.

We are now starting on child #2 and hope we can make this same system work.

Take good care of yourself OP!

1)I am glad that you are working on getting your anxiety under control.

2) Sounds like you have raised an impressive child. Congratulations.

3) This is not all on you. More and more, you son will be making decisions/taking action. There are guidance counsellors at the school. Your kid is likely talking to peers. Your spouse could also step in, as you work on feeling more in control of your emotions.

4) Visit a few campuses nearby, as others have said. To figure out if he likes urban or rural, big or small campuses.
He may also have an image in his head of what college should look like: my kid wanted buildings about a green quad, lots of campus traditions, etc.

5) Get a guide like Princeton Review best colleges in the US. They will have lists or schools that are best for each major. Again, your son will see criteria in that book that he may react to one way or another (religious? fraternities? conservative? partying? service opportunities?)
He can also read online reviews at places like UNIGO, which will help him decide what sounds appealing vs unappealing.

6) Last but not least, he should draft a common app essay this summer, the questions are online.

You are lucky that he has a lot on the ball. You guys will be fine.

Anonymous wrote:Please be kind. No snark. If you cannot help, please ignore this thread.

My anxiety level is so high that I have no idea what to do next. How do you keep your sanity as a parent?

My kid has done exceedingly well and has done his part. Top notch GPA, course rigor, SAT scores, APs, ECs, accolades. Now what? I don't want to be the weakest link on his team but I think that's exactly what I am. What are we supposed to do next? Are we supposed to do something as parents? Make a list? Reach out to colleges? Schedule college visits for 15+ colleges? He is currently doing a full time internship and has hardly any time, while we are dealing with a lot of health issues with relatives and I think we will drop the ball. The whole month of June has gone without us doing anything for college admission.

Please talk me off the ledge and give me a breakdown of what we should do (in small doable weekly chunks). Oh, I have also started my medication (Zoloft) because I need to calm down. How important is it to do a tour of colleges?

My kids (twins) did no tours (class of 2021) due to COVID. Each applied to about 10 colleges. Got into all and picked a college off their lists they thought was the right fit for them. We went to visit the colleges they picked and they were spot on. Both loved the colleges after the visits. I left the college app process to the college counselors at their respective high schools, which were excellent. I helped a little with college essays by reviewing and making comments but other than that, I left it to them. It is only a stressful process if you make it so.

Borrow or purchase a copy of Colleges That Change Lives. Even if you are not interested in the colleges in the book, the first few chapters really put the process in perspective. The philosophy focuses on the individual student and helps you determine what fit really means. This will help bring the stress levels down for everyone involved.

Anonymous wrote:Start with a list and build out a spreadsheet, ours looks something like this:

School, location, Avg SAT/ACT, Avg GPA, Avg annual cost, miles from home, Scattergram likely (Y/N), admission deadlines (ED, EA, RD), Acceptance Rate, Undergrad size

I didn't write down the average annual cost, but rather MY expected total cost. So, for schools for which we expected financial aid, I wrote out our Expected Family Contribution from the Net Price Calculator. For schools that offered merit where I though my child had a chance, I made note of typical merit awards in this section. There were no huge surprises in the end other than a larger than expected merit award from one college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much info on the internet. Why don’t you educate yourself?

Because every school on the website sounds good. I am also not understanding the implications of many things that are listed on the websites.

We were not educated in this country so what we know about what is a good school comes from US News ranking. Not having lived in other places in the US, I cannot say that my kid likes big or small, hot or cold, urban or suburban, greek life or college football.

He wants to do CS. So I used Naviance and US world News to come up with a list. But, it is not a list based on what we know about the schools but rather a copy and paste of what other students have applied to from his school. The Naviance list is also following pretty much the US world news so I suspect that is how people are starting their search?

So I did make a list but this is not a list with any deep thought about what I know about my kid or through some great research (colleges that change life etc) but rather I have followed the list of others. He matches all schools according to Naviance. But obviously that is not true. Also, what do I know about my kid? I have no idea if he will be bored in a safety or crushed in a reach? Should he dream big? Should he be in his small pond? In-state? OOS?

I am second guessing everything. All schools sound good on the websites so my fear is that I will select the school based on some weird criteria and then one day my kid will wake up and say that he could have gone to a better school with his stats but I was a lousy guide!! Or I will not have him apply to some great program or opportunity in a college even though he is eligible.

Let your kid drive the list as much as possible with support from you and guidance but ask him for a list of say 5 schools to start with and see what he comes up with.

This. Your kid needs to drive the decision making with you as a co-pilot. It's up to you to figure out what parameters your family needs to institute - financial, location, etc. - and share that info with him. Also, I have to believe you know your kid better than you're allowing yourself to believe in this moment so take a deep breath, shift the reins to him, and follow his lead.

Best advice we got to feel less anxious: apply to one rolling or "on the spot" admission school so they have an acceptance early. It might not even be a school that's a perfect fit, but there's something about knowing they are in somewhere that makes things less crazy.