Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Don’t sweat it. These summers go fast and then they’re gone for good. If it’s clutter and not actual filth, I wouldn’t make a stink about it. Once girls start coming around he’ll learn to keep his space tidy.

Or he will expect the girls to do it once the girls start doing it for them.

Expect and communicate to your boys that clean their crap up no matter their age. Signed, exwife of a manchild and mom to 3 teen boys.

Stop blaming the world for your exes issues, and don’t judge the situation until you have a college kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Don’t sweat it. These summers go fast and then they’re gone for good. If it’s clutter and not actual filth, I wouldn’t make a stink about it. Once girls start coming around he’ll learn to keep his space tidy.

Or he will expect the girls to do it once the girls start doing it for them.

Expect and communicate to your boys that clean their crap up no matter their age. Signed, exwife of a manchild and mom to 3 teen boys.

Yes. I can't believe all the excuses I'm reading. This idea that if a man is doing well at college then he shouldn't have to clean up after himself is nonsense. Don't micromanage this, but do communicate your expectations for cleanliness while he's living with you. Bonus that if you have this conversation with him now, he will learn to be more considerate to his future spouse while also learning adult communication skills.

Or maybe consider the fact that if women are still telling their college kid what to do, they already missed the boat. It’s time for natural consequences, like embarrassment to take care of the problem.

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Easy choice when you put it that way!

I am a woman who had a room like this during summer in college so a lot of this gendered stuff is misplaced. I think it’s more that the things he brought home don’t have homes (probably because there’s more of it than when he left), he doesn’t care, and seeing stuff is how he knows where it is. I would let it go for a while. He’s just camping out until he goes back. But well before he leaves, I think it’s appropriate to set clear expectations for how the room should ge left when he goes back. Be really specific - nothing on the floor, under the bed, on the floor of the closet, drawers organized, surfaces wiped/vacuumed, etc.

Also maybe offer to schedule a bulk trash/donation pick up a few days before he leaves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for his future wife.

How do you know he’s getting married to a woman?

NP. Because a gay man is not going to put up with this kind of slovenliness from his spouse. Making excuses for grown men is something that women do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Don’t sweat it. These summers go fast and then they’re gone for good. If it’s clutter and not actual filth, I wouldn’t make a stink about it. Once girls start coming around he’ll learn to keep his space tidy.

Or he will expect the girls to do it once the girls start doing it for them.

Expect and communicate to your boys that clean their crap up no matter their age. Signed, exwife of a manchild and mom to 3 teen boys.

Yes. I can't believe all the excuses I'm reading. This idea that if a man is doing well at college then he shouldn't have to clean up after himself is nonsense. Don't micromanage this, but do communicate your expectations for cleanliness while he's living with you. Bonus that if you have this conversation with him now, he will learn to be more considerate to his future spouse while also learning adult communication skills.

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for his future wife.

How do you know he’s getting married to a woman?

I feel bad for his future wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just close the door and be thankful he’s doing well overall. Chances are he won’t be home next summer and beyond.

This.

Agreed. But no food, no smelly laundry, and he cleans it before summer ends.

Agreed. Clean before he leaves and no food or food wrappers/containers.

As long as there is no food in there AND he’s contributing to the upkeep of the house (taking out trash, keeping kitchen, bathrooms and common areas clean), let the room go. Enjoy this time with him.

A week before he leaves, clearly explain the expectations for how the room will look, ie vacuumed, sheets washed, all clothes put away, etc.

-mom of a rising college junior

I routinely make my 19 year old pick up the stuff he leaves in shared spaces, but I don't really look at or go into his room (or his bathroom).

After 20+ years of living with messy DH, my standards are pretty low.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Don’t sweat it. These summers go fast and then they’re gone for good. If it’s clutter and not actual filth, I wouldn’t make a stink about it. Once girls start coming around he’ll learn to keep his space tidy.

Or he will expect the girls to do it once the girls start doing it for them.

Expect and communicate to your boys that clean their crap up no matter their age. Signed, exwife of a manchild and mom to 3 teen boys.

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Don’t sweat it. These summers go fast and then they’re gone for good. If it’s clutter and not actual filth, I wouldn’t make a stink about it. Once girls start coming around he’ll learn to keep his space tidy.

I am in the cleans up camp. No one is going to live like a pig in MY house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just close the door and be thankful he’s doing well overall. Chances are he won’t be home next summer and beyond.

This.

Agreed. But no food, no smelly laundry, and he cleans it before summer ends.

+1 not a battle I would fight - it’s his own space.

I would, however, require neatness in shared spaces AND contributing to household chores (dishes, cooking, cleaning shared spaces, etc)