Anonymous
06/17/2021 17:13
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.
This. Easy and obvious solution.
OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.
Were you raised in a barn?
Anonymous
06/17/2021 17:03
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
People, this is not about the food.
It’s about SIL wanting to change the venue when OP has invited everyone to her house.
OP, I would tell SIL that the kids really want their uncle to see their rooms and bikes (or whatever) and that it’s just easier to have everyone at your house with dinner time and bedtime issues with the kids. Stand firm.
It’s about SIL wanting to change the venue when OP has invited everyone to her house.
OP, I would tell SIL that the kids really want their uncle to see their rooms and bikes (or whatever) and that it’s just easier to have everyone at your house with dinner time and bedtime issues with the kids. Stand firm.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 17:01
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
I call TROLL. You've received a lot of good suggestions and you've come up with excuses for every single one. In any event, the "millionaire" BIL 1 can surely get an Uber if he wants to get from SIL's house to your house. Although I agree with another poster that it would be rude for you to invite him only.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t u dear stand how the parent of two young kids isn’t packing snacks. It’s a joke between DH and I how many snacks I pack even to go to the store, but my kid has never had a meltdown over being hungry, even travelling overseas. She doesn’t always need a snack, but... oh wait. She’s 4. Yes, she always needs a snack. Snacks are the special glue that holds them together to interesting things.
5 in insanely early for adults to have dinner. I could easily see where if things were busy during the day, and people got chatting, how 5 is a tough time to get dinner together. I’m actually assuming the grownups had already decided to nix 5pm dinner but didn’t tell you,
If BIL wanted to visit you, he would. He’s not staying with you, and he’s also not coming to visit you on his own. I’m assuming he has his car, or knows how to use Uber? He’s not a prisoner. Maybe you’re a little too kid centric or something right now and he’s not feeling it.
BIL1, BIL2 and SIL do not have cars. They’re millionaires, but hate driving. We pick up BIL1 when he comes out here. He likes the kids, but can’t stand SIL. He stays with them because they have empty bedrooms and live right by the subway.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:59
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.
This. Easy and obvious solution.
OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.
????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.
Why can’t the kids eat the same food as adults? Ridiculous to expect a kids menu at someone’s house. Only in America. SMH.
It's not about the food, it's about the schedule. If SIL routinely serves dinner at an hour that's too late for the kids, then she should bring food for the kids. It's not crazy to BYO food for a 4 and 6 year old.
I disagree with you. The kids should be eating the adult food at the adult time. It is the SIL's house, her event, her schedule. If anything it sounds like OP's dislike of the SIL is so intense that the SIL could be a saint and OP would still find fault. Having dinner 1.5 hours later than standard won't kill anyone. Bring some snacks (but be prepared for the fall-out). Stop undermining your SIL.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:52
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t u dear stand how the parent of two young kids isn’t packing snacks. It’s a joke between DH and I how many snacks I pack even to go to the store, but my kid has never had a meltdown over being hungry, even travelling overseas. She doesn’t always need a snack, but... oh wait. She’s 4. Yes, she always needs a snack. Snacks are the special glue that holds them together to interesting things.
5 in insanely early for adults to have dinner. I could easily see where if things were busy during the day, and people got chatting, how 5 is a tough time to get dinner together. I’m actually assuming the grownups had already decided to nix 5pm dinner but didn’t tell you,
If BIL wanted to visit you, he would. He’s not staying with you, and he’s also not coming to visit you on his own. I’m assuming he has his car, or knows how to use Uber? He’s not a prisoner. Maybe you’re a little too kid centric or something right now and he’s not feeling it.
BIL1, BIL2 and SIL do not have cars. They’re millionaires, but hate driving. We pick up BIL1 when he comes out here. He likes the kids, but can’t stand SIL. He stays with them because they have empty bedrooms and live right by the subway.
If BIL1 is a millionaire he can manage getting a car to visit you on his own time. Step back and let your DH handle this.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:50
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:I don’t u dear stand how the parent of two young kids isn’t packing snacks. It’s a joke between DH and I how many snacks I pack even to go to the store, but my kid has never had a meltdown over being hungry, even travelling overseas. She doesn’t always need a snack, but... oh wait. She’s 4. Yes, she always needs a snack. Snacks are the special glue that holds them together to interesting things.
5 in insanely early for adults to have dinner. I could easily see where if things were busy during the day, and people got chatting, how 5 is a tough time to get dinner together. I’m actually assuming the grownups had already decided to nix 5pm dinner but didn’t tell you,
If BIL wanted to visit you, he would. He’s not staying with you, and he’s also not coming to visit you on his own. I’m assuming he has his car, or knows how to use Uber? He’s not a prisoner. Maybe you’re a little too kid centric or something right now and he’s not feeling it.
BIL1, BIL2 and SIL do not have cars. They’re millionaires, but hate driving. We pick up BIL1 when he comes out here. He likes the kids, but can’t stand SIL. He stays with them because they have empty bedrooms and live right by the subway.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:38
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:I don’t u dear stand how the parent of two young kids isn’t packing snacks. It’s a joke between DH and I how many snacks I pack even to go to the store, but my kid has never had a meltdown over being hungry, even travelling overseas. She doesn’t always need a snack, but... oh wait. She’s 4. Yes, she always needs a snack. Snacks are the special glue that holds them together to interesting things.
5 in insanely early for adults to have dinner. I could easily see where if things were busy during the day, and people got chatting, how 5 is a tough time to get dinner together. I’m actually assuming the grownups had already decided to nix 5pm dinner but didn’t tell you,
If BIL wanted to visit you, he would. He’s not staying with you, and he’s also not coming to visit you on his own. I’m assuming he has his car, or knows how to use Uber? He’s not a prisoner. Maybe you’re a little too kid centric or something right now and he’s not feeling it.
+1 to all of this.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:29
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.
I feed my kids before going most anywhere, especially because most of my relatives are immigrants who prefer later dinner times.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:26
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.
This. Easy and obvious solution.
OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.
????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.
Why can’t the kids eat the same food as adults? Ridiculous to expect a kids menu at someone’s house. Only in America. SMH.
It's not about the food, it's about the schedule. If SIL routinely serves dinner at an hour that's too late for the kids, then she should bring food for the kids. It's not crazy to BYO food for a 4 and 6 year old.
+1 Yes, I have little ones and always carry around snacks and stuff so they don't get hangry. If kids eat at 5 p.m. (which is pretty early for most adults), and SIL wants to eat at 6:30, then just bring food for them. I don't think SIL is really "ruining" your plans OP. She just likes to host (control?). But it's not like she's actively excluding you.
SIL said dinner would be at 5, but didn’t serve until 6:30.
That's life. My MIL does that too. But then the kids will distract her or the meat will need to cook for longer than expected. It's annoying, but easily resolved by bringing filling snacks.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:26
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
I don’t u dear stand how the parent of two young kids isn’t packing snacks. It’s a joke between DH and I how many snacks I pack even to go to the store, but my kid has never had a meltdown over being hungry, even travelling overseas. She doesn’t always need a snack, but... oh wait. She’s 4. Yes, she always needs a snack. Snacks are the special glue that holds them together to interesting things.
5 in insanely early for adults to have dinner. I could easily see where if things were busy during the day, and people got chatting, how 5 is a tough time to get dinner together. I’m actually assuming the grownups had already decided to nix 5pm dinner but didn’t tell you,
If BIL wanted to visit you, he would. He’s not staying with you, and he’s also not coming to visit you on his own. I’m assuming he has his car, or knows how to use Uber? He’s not a prisoner. Maybe you’re a little too kid centric or something right now and he’s not feeling it.
5 in insanely early for adults to have dinner. I could easily see where if things were busy during the day, and people got chatting, how 5 is a tough time to get dinner together. I’m actually assuming the grownups had already decided to nix 5pm dinner but didn’t tell you,
If BIL wanted to visit you, he would. He’s not staying with you, and he’s also not coming to visit you on his own. I’m assuming he has his car, or knows how to use Uber? He’s not a prisoner. Maybe you’re a little too kid centric or something right now and he’s not feeling it.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:24
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.
This. Easy and obvious solution.
OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.
????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.
Why can’t the kids eat the same food as adults? Ridiculous to expect a kids menu at someone’s house. Only in America. SMH.
It's not about the food, it's about the schedule. If SIL routinely serves dinner at an hour that's too late for the kids, then she should bring food for the kids. It's not crazy to BYO food for a 4 and 6 year old.
+1 Yes, I have little ones and always carry around snacks and stuff so they don't get hangry. If kids eat at 5 p.m. (which is pretty early for most adults), and SIL wants to eat at 6:30, then just bring food for them. I don't think SIL is really "ruining" your plans OP. She just likes to host (control?). But it's not like she's actively excluding you.
SIL said dinner would be at 5, but didn’t serve until 6:30.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 16:23
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
I always fed my kids a snack before, and brought snacks as well, in situations like this. Not because I expect any special food, but because the food may be served late. If SIL kids are grown, she has probably forgotten what it is like with little ones. No big deal.
I’d speak up about hosting once in awhile if you want to host, as someone said. Personally I’d have been thrilled to let someone else host when my kids were small, LOL. But just speak up clearly as someone else said “actually Barb, I’d like to host this time! We hope you can join us!”.
I’d speak up about hosting once in awhile if you want to host, as someone said. Personally I’d have been thrilled to let someone else host when my kids were small, LOL. But just speak up clearly as someone else said “actually Barb, I’d like to host this time! We hope you can join us!”.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 15:56
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
I’m wondering what is going on in BILI’s mind. Surely if he’s crazy about his nephews/nieces, he’d want to visit them in their space, see their rooms, etc. He should speak up for himself on having a visit at their house, and if he’s not he’s weak or something. How controlling is this SIL?
At the next dinner ask loudly in front of everyone when they are all coming to yours. Put them on the spot.
At the next dinner ask loudly in front of everyone when they are all coming to yours. Put them on the spot.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 15:40
Subject: SIL keeps ruining plans
This is for your husband and his brother to work out. Your husband can have a frank conversation with BIL and say, we want to see you without the others. BIL is staying in their house. He might be uncomfortable telling them that he wants to only do something with your family.
Anonymous
06/17/2021 15:38
Subject: Re:SIL keeps ruining plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.
This. Easy and obvious solution.
OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.
????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.
Why can’t the kids eat the same food as adults? Ridiculous to expect a kids menu at someone’s house. Only in America. SMH.
It's not about the food, it's about the schedule. If SIL routinely serves dinner at an hour that's too late for the kids, then she should bring food for the kids. It's not crazy to BYO food for a 4 and 6 year old.
+1 Yes, I have little ones and always carry around snacks and stuff so they don't get hangry. If kids eat at 5 p.m. (which is pretty early for most adults), and SIL wants to eat at 6:30, then just bring food for them. I don't think SIL is really "ruining" your plans OP. She just likes to host (control?). But it's not like she's actively excluding you.