Anonymous wrote:Yesssssss. It is the worst. Mine couples it with asking dumb questions on purpose to get a rise:

Her, pointing to the cat, grinning: Mom, is this the dog?
Me: No. you know that is the cat.
Her: No. It’s the dog. Say it’s the dog, mommy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is totally normal. They are learning how to control their environment. They aren't old enough right now to know what they want and don't want. It's our job as parents to still take the lead. I would hold off on giving them choices right now, if that is how they are responding. The back and forth as you know just leads to more stress.

Actually, 2 choices works beautifully. If it’s time to go to the bathroom for a bath: “Are you going to hop like a bunny to the bath or jump like a frog?” For kids who repeatedly want to skip a step so they don’t have to do something: “Are you going to put your shoes on or carry them (on your head, if silliness gets a better response)?” For child who just wants to assert independence: “Do you want the pink spoon or the green spoon?”

I give choices for about 95% of the day. They don’t get to choose whether they get in the car seat, but they can choose how to get to the car and whether they climb in like a monkey or whether I put them in (not as fun!). Even in the parking lot, they can choose to hold my hand or sit in the cart on the way out, ride piggy back on the way in. When I say there’s no choice, this is the way it is, I get less pushback.

Anonymous wrote:That is totally normal. They are learning how to control their environment. They aren't old enough right now to know what they want and don't want. It's our job as parents to still take the lead. I would hold off on giving them choices right now, if that is how they are responding. The back and forth as you know just leads to more stress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD started to come out of this at 3.5 (I know, it sounds like an eternity). It's partly that they learn more about how conversation works and can engage ideas in more productive ways, and it's partly that you learn how to handle it better.

I got really good at offering choice questions ("do you want to eat now or read a book first?") instead of something more open ended ("do you want to wait a few minutes?"). It's harder for them to be contrary when deciding between two choices. And sometimes you just don't give choices at all. So the conversation can go like this:

You: it’s lunch time
DS: no, it’s not lunch time
You: oh, okay, well I'm going to eat anyway
DS: me too! don't start without me
You: we’re having you favorite noodles
DS: no, we’re not.
You: oh really? then these must be MY favorite noodles! Yum yum yum.
DS: no mommy, these are my favorite noodles too!

It's like a skill to not engage the contrarianism, but also to keep it light and moving things forward. It really helps because this stage is all about them asserting independence, and you have to find a way to allow them to be independent without allowing it to derail you. Let him choose when he eats lunch, but don't let it impact your schedule. Let him decide if something is his favorite or not, but that doesn't mean you have to cater to him or change things because he's suddenly decided he hates something he used to love. Let him be in charge of his body and his brain, but you're still in charge of the big picture because you are the grown up.

Somehow I hadn’t realized this was a thing but what the above poster suggests is what I do and it works! Right now everything is self centered and “me first” with DC. So the last two lines above will always end the issue.

You: Oh, you don’t want the milk. Okay I’ll drink it
DS: No, it’s my milk (proceeds to drink)

Works every time.

Kids don't want to leave the park. "I'm going to get there first!" Kids take off running to beat me while I'm slowly taking my time and grinning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD started to come out of this at 3.5 (I know, it sounds like an eternity). It's partly that they learn more about how conversation works and can engage ideas in more productive ways, and it's partly that you learn how to handle it better.

I got really good at offering choice questions ("do you want to eat now or read a book first?") instead of something more open ended ("do you want to wait a few minutes?"). It's harder for them to be contrary when deciding between two choices. And sometimes you just don't give choices at all. So the conversation can go like this:

You: it’s lunch time
DS: no, it’s not lunch time
You: oh, okay, well I'm going to eat anyway
DS: me too! don't start without me
You: we’re having you favorite noodles
DS: no, we’re not.
You: oh really? then these must be MY favorite noodles! Yum yum yum.
DS: no mommy, these are my favorite noodles too!

It's like a skill to not engage the contrarianism, but also to keep it light and moving things forward. It really helps because this stage is all about them asserting independence, and you have to find a way to allow them to be independent without allowing it to derail you. Let him choose when he eats lunch, but don't let it impact your schedule. Let him decide if something is his favorite or not, but that doesn't mean you have to cater to him or change things because he's suddenly decided he hates something he used to love. Let him be in charge of his body and his brain, but you're still in charge of the big picture because you are the grown up.

Somehow I hadn’t realized this was a thing but what the above poster suggests is what I do and it works! Right now everything is self centered and “me first” with DC. So the last two lines above will always end the issue.

You: Oh, you don’t want the milk. Okay I’ll drink it
DS: No, it’s my milk (proceeds to drink)

Works every time.

Anonymous wrote:Yesssssss. It is the worst. Mine couples it with asking dumb questions on purpose to get a rise:

Her, pointing to the cat, grinning: Mom, is this the dog?
Me: No. you know that is the cat.
Her: No. It’s the dog. Say it’s the dog, mommy.

Anonymous wrote:I never engage. My husband argues back and I get mad, what's the point!

Her: applesauce please mama
Me: ok here's your applesauce
Her: I SAID NO APPLESAUCE
Me: [leave it on the table and go do something else]
Her: eats the applesauce

She just wants to argue, I don't argue back