Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Sure. But IME it’s women who are the most financially independent who are the most skeptical of a low income husband.

Right. It's about being able to maintain what you built for yourself, and continue building not having some man drain you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never really "dated around", but the general recommendation I gave to my single friends is that the men's salary should not be lower than 80% of her base salary.

Interesting. My recommendation to my single friends was to focus on their own careers and not rely on a man to provide for them.

And you gave your friends stupid bubblegum advice.

Of course, we do! Just because you were foolish doesn't mean all of us need to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this post for real? You know that 60K is above the average salary for a person in the US?

It’s all about the COL where you are. Around here, 60K doesn’t get you very far.

Modest year kids out of college in professional jobs make more than this.

That's not true.

It really comes down to finding someone who shares the same values, IMO. The salary might not always be there. Life happens.

I don't have a hard dollar amount, and would be fine with someone who didn't make a ton of money, but I do expect a partner to make a significant contribution to our household finances. I'd be fine with a teacher's salaray, or librarian's, or social worker's, but unless a significant other was in the process of working himself through school, I expect them to have a meaningful full time job.

I absolutely didn't have a dollar amount, and I think having one is super shallow.

I did, however, care that he was self supporting. If you're making $25k and scraping by in a crappy apartment doing work that matters to you or working your way up the ladder or something - great. If you're making $80k, but daddy is still chipping in on your rent because "DC is so expensive!" that would have been a deal breaker for me.

A man might not be the plan (and I make enough to comfortably support myself and the children if DH got abducted by aliens tomorrow) but I would not want to support my husband either or have him earn so little that it brings down the family standard of living. He does not need to earn as much as I do but he needs to earn a good amount that is close to what I make. (Or he could be a SAHD but then he’d have to do all the housework and childcare and on average it’s a lot easier to find a man making a decent salary than one who wants to and will be a good SAHD.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this post for real? You know that 60K is above the average salary for a person in the US?

It’s all about the COL where you are. Around here, 60K doesn’t get you very far.

Modest year kids out of college in professional jobs make more than this.

I mean, that's just not accurate. But ok.

Anonymous wrote:Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Sure. But IME it’s women who are the most financially independent who are the most skeptical of a low income husband.

If I had been able to find someone who does what a SAHW/SAHM does, then I would have been happy with whatever salary. But since every man I dated more or less expected my life to revolve around him, I started only dating men who made what I made or more.

You can sever this from a number but at the end of the day this is a question of values/priorities, and thus compatibility. I briefly dated a trust fund baby who was pretty ambivalent about his career and who would pressure me to leave work early to go out to his family’s lake house. Just a real “life is short, enjoy i mentality. We just aren’t a good fit for each other.

DH is a biglaw partner. He has worked at least half time every single vacation we have ever gone on. This would not work for MANY women I know. And many women I know would rather have the lighter college fund in exchange for more date nights.

Not a salary requirement, but more of an education/professional ambition requirement, which loosely correlates with salary. Also, I don’t want the pressure of being the main breadwinner (although I’m okay with a reasonable salary gap), though I’m fine with and expect to be an equal partner financially. I would likely make an exception for someone who is highly educated and chose a service oriented but low paying profession, like a teacher or a public defender.

I grew up UMC, like nice things and “extras” (nice clothes, international travel, eating out, living in an upscale neighborhood, etc.) and want to maintain the lifestyle I’m used to. I can comfortably do that for myself, but it’s harder to support that lifestyle for a partner and two kids on just my income while also meeting responsible savings goals. So I’d like for my partner/spouse to make a comparable salary. Luckily, I met mine in law school, so it hasn’t been an issue, but that’s my reasoning.

Eh.. a man is not the plan. no matter what happens, they could die, leave you etc. find someone who's compatible that you're attracted to. make sure you can exist without them if needed.

Anonymous wrote:Men who dated me cared for several things ..
My looks
My education and my career goals
My temperament, personality
My good name and my family

Thank you for sharing but I just want to point out that he probably did not care that you were not a good reader or detail oriented.