Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

So he thinks someone should stay married even if they are being abused..either physiclaly or mentally? What about alcohol or drug issues? I would hate to marry such a black and white thinker!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

Oh my ummm wow. Would he date a man with divorced parents? He doesnt seem very open-minded. Keep that in mind if you are thinking about having children with him. He will box them in too.

He's straight, so no he wouldn't date a man.

Sure he is. Why do you think he is so rigid? He is uncomfortable with his thoughts and decisions. Total red flag. Beta male.

Thanks PP - you get it!

I think family divorce is an issue to explore and understand in a serious relationship. It makes some people value marriage more. It makes some people value it less. I know a woman who’s husband ran out on her soon after the marriage. Turns out he had five divorces in his immediate family, including multiple ones involving his father. Clearly, despite what he said at the wedding he did not believe marriage was a lifelong commitment.

Anonymous wrote:So it is the (adult) child’s fault that their parents are divorced?

Ridiculous. Good partners can come from all different kinds of families—functional, dysfunctional, semi-functional.

It's on the adult child to get therapy and not to bring baggage into their new family (not saying all divorced kids have baggage)

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have heard this before. I don't think it is a rare sentiment.

I dated someone like this once who thought this way, while at the same time, acknowledging that their parents were miserable (but still married)

In my family those who went into marriage confident with each set of parents had never divorced are now, in fact, divorced. Those who came from divored households are happily married by all appearances for 10+ years.

I don't think divorced parents are as much of a red flag as family relationships in general.

This. So much of it is education, age and income. Also, realizing that marriage is hard work and being on the same page that you are not quitting the first time it gets hard. I had the married miserable parents. I don't think it would have changed me had they divorced. Either way it was obvious they were an example of how NOT to do marriage.

What about if your parents were divorced, then met each other and have now been married for over 40 years? Where does he stand on decades-long second marriages?

So it is the (adult) child’s fault that their parents are divorced?

Ridiculous. Good partners can come from all different kinds of families—functional, dysfunctional, semi-functional.

It is very inflexible. But I have been incredibly grateful that dh came from loving, married parents, no abuse. Just extra role models for our kids to follow. I've also seen studies that say that your rate of divorce is higher if your parents are divorced. There's a million factors that go into a strong marriage though.

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way when I starting dating with an eye towards a marriage and family. I never would have said it out loud though

+1 this.
I didn't have a lot of actual experience with anybody who had divorced parents (that I knew of). But it was definitely something I had thought about. Not so starkly, but more like, yep, similar backgrounds, good to have stable families, close families.

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

No, it is ridiculous and you should drop him like a hot potato. You can do better than a male chauvinist idiot.

Your BF sounds very immature. That kind of black and white thinking is typical for a teenager, not an adult.

OP, what does your gut say? Does this concern you?

I'd be worried that he sees things as black and white, thinking there are rules to follow (like this silly one about divorce), a "right way" to live. Life is messy as I'm sure you already know.

I dated a man with that attitude, except my parents actually were divorced, ha. His parents were absolutely miserable and their marriage was a wreck.

Not surprisingly, he had picked up his parents’ poor relationship skills and was awful to be with. But whenever problems arose, he blamed me and said I was the problem because I had divorced parents.

In general I’ve found men with black & white thinking to be very difficult to have a healthy relationship with. It shows an inability to empathize, compromise, and understand that others have different experiences and viewpoints.

Anonymous wrote:You and your partner sound stupid and close-minded OP. My DH had a terribly abusive childhood and divorced parents. He is literally the world’s best father.

Exactly. Her fiance's view is completely skewed and judgemental.

Anonymous wrote:You and your partner sound stupid and close-minded OP. My DH had a terribly abusive childhood and divorced parents. He is literally the world’s best father.

Again, what is with all the cursing? You sound uneducated.

- DP here.