Anonymous wrote:
Of course you don't have to wait but if you want to know how to afford daycare, it's to have enough money to pay for it. There is nothing holier than thou about it. I could not have saved for daycare prior to my promotion, the money simply wasn't there. We could not have lived off my husband's salary alone so staying home was not an option to avoid paying for child care. At the time, I was the breadwinner and my salary also was not enough for him to stay home with the baby.

We could have physically had a kid earlier but it would have been bad for us and not a good space to bring a baby into. Why on earth would I knowingly go into motherhood with that information?

You might not have been able to live the type of life you wanted to live off just your salary or just your husband's salary, but I'm sure you would have survived.

We just built childcare costs into the monthly budget. It took us a while to have our only child due to infertility so we were in a good place career-wise. I chose an in-home that was lovely and much more affordable than a center.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is also reasonable to want to be able to provide for your kid. Your kid doesn't need new clothes when there are hand me downs but no one wants to be able to tell their child that they can't play on a soccer league with their friends because the family can't afford the fee.

Also, the stress of never having enough money is all encompassing. Yes, people do it all the time but that doesn't make it good. Always having to choose between the things you need but cannot afford to have it all? It's heartbreaking. And it is really hard on a marriage and children respond to stress in the home.

Yes, of course you have have a baby without a lot of money. But do you want to?

Jeez this is like, max DCUM out of touch elistist bubble talk. And I am UMC from DC. A salary of 150k a year is not a prerequisite for having a child. There is a time constraint on having kids and for many people it is the most fulfilling part of their life.

What makes you so sure that $150k is on the table?

Anonymous wrote:It is also reasonable to want to be able to provide for your kid. Your kid doesn't need new clothes when there are hand me downs but no one wants to be able to tell their child that they can't play on a soccer league with their friends because the family can't afford the fee.

Also, the stress of never having enough money is all encompassing. Yes, people do it all the time but that doesn't make it good. Always having to choose between the things you need but cannot afford to have it all? It's heartbreaking. And it is really hard on a marriage and children respond to stress in the home.

Yes, of course you have have a baby without a lot of money. But do you want to?

Jeez this is like, max DCUM out of touch elistist bubble talk. And I am UMC from DC. A salary of 150k a year is not a prerequisite for having a child. There is a time constraint on having kids and for many people it is the most fulfilling part of their life.

It is also reasonable to want to be able to provide for your kid. Your kid doesn't need new clothes when there are hand me downs but no one wants to be able to tell their child that they can't play on a soccer league with their friends because the family can't afford the fee.

Also, the stress of never having enough money is all encompassing. Yes, people do it all the time but that doesn't make it good. Always having to choose between the things you need but cannot afford to have it all? It's heartbreaking. And it is really hard on a marriage and children respond to stress in the home.

Yes, of course you have have a baby without a lot of money. But do you want to?

I have a side hustle that pays enough for me to pay for someone to watch my two kids without touching my day salary. I’m lucky I can do my side hustle when kids are asleep and on my breaks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't save before hand, rather waited until we could afford daycare as a monthly expense.

Could you explain what you mean by you waited? Did one of you stay home from work with the baby?

No, we waited until we had a HHI that was high enough to support adding monthly daycare costs to our budget. It meant waiting until I got a promotion before we could have a kid. Then my DH got a new job and we could have a second kid.javascript:void(0);

This is why our birthrate is below replacement level. You don't have to be rich or wait for a promotion to have a baby. People manage all over the world and country just fine.

+1. I laugh when I see these responses about “waiting until you can afford it.” You will NEVER have “enough money” - your lifestyle changes. I grew up lower middle class and married into a wealthy family who is much more concerned about money/affording things than my family. Change your lifestyle instead of waiting for a bigger paycheck and you’ll be just fine. Of course many don’t want to do that, and that’s fine, but quit the holier-than-thou rhetoric about how you responsibly waited. No, you just didn’t prioritize having a kid earlier.

Of course you don't have to wait but if you want to know how to afford daycare, it's to have enough money to pay for it. There is nothing holier than thou about it. I could not have saved for daycare prior to my promotion, the money simply wasn't there. We could not have lived off my husband's salary alone so staying home was not an option to avoid paying for child care. At the time, I was the breadwinner and my salary also was not enough for him to stay home with the baby.

We could have physically had a kid earlier but it would have been bad for us and not a good space to bring a baby into. Why on earth would I knowingly go into motherhood with that information?

When I start to think like this, I think about how the average salary in this country is about $40,000 a year. I think generally people should look into childcare options ahead of time and make sure they can afford a child, but there are more options than people think when they really need to crunch the numbers. Somehow people figure it out. Kids generally need less than we think.

And I know more than one person who waited until the financial times were right who ended up having huge fertility issues and spending buckets of money on that.

It is just absolutely brutally expensive. I have three under 5 and have used a combination of all the strategies above. A nanny for some of it a nanny share at one point (which I would recommend to you OP since it can be cheaper and better than a center), reducing 401ks while all three have been in early childcare. Have my kids at more of an in-home style place instead of a big center.

My oldest stars k in September and my second starts next September and it feels like we're going to be getting an enormous raise. There is just no getting around it without help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't save before hand, rather waited until we could afford daycare as a monthly expense.

Could you explain what you mean by you waited? Did one of you stay home from work with the baby?

No, we waited until we had a HHI that was high enough to support adding monthly daycare costs to our budget. It meant waiting until I got a promotion before we could have a kid. Then my DH got a new job and we could have a second kid.javascript:void(0);

This is why our birthrate is below replacement level. You don't have to be rich or wait for a promotion to have a baby. People manage all over the world and country just fine.

+1. I laugh when I see these responses about “waiting until you can afford it.” You will NEVER have “enough money” - your lifestyle changes. I grew up lower middle class and married into a wealthy family who is much more concerned about money/affording things than my family. Change your lifestyle instead of waiting for a bigger paycheck and you’ll be just fine. Of course many don’t want to do that, and that’s fine, but quit the holier-than-thou rhetoric about how you responsibly waited. No, you just didn’t prioritize having a kid earlier.

Of course you don't have to wait but if you want to know how to afford daycare, it's to have enough money to pay for it. There is nothing holier than thou about it. I could not have saved for daycare prior to my promotion, the money simply wasn't there. We could not have lived off my husband's salary alone so staying home was not an option to avoid paying for child care. At the time, I was the breadwinner and my salary also was not enough for him to stay home with the baby.

We could have physically had a kid earlier but it would have been bad for us and not a good space to bring a baby into. Why on earth would I knowingly go into motherhood with that information?

Daycare in the area is horrendous. We’ve put off buying a home for the next few years so that we don’t take on a mortgage while paying for daycare. I just don’t see how most families can do both.

But that means that we are living below our means and can afford daycare. I actually increased my 401k contribution during pregnancy to make sure I maxed out for the year before taking unpaid maternity leave.

I also chose to take 6 months of maternity leave, despite only 10 weeks being paid because my take home pay wasn’t much more than daycare + retirement savings. I will be taking 6 months for baby #2 as well to reduce the time we will pay double daycare before #1 starts pre-K.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks all for these responses

Also just want to highlight that daycare in Bethesda at a center is absurd. And I paid for it for 1.5 years for a variety of reasons (primarily that we didn’t get in to more affordable options that were reasonable with our commutes). It was fantastic but 2250/month for an infant - I’m sure it’s more now. Eventually moved to a center that was $1400/month for a toddler that fortunately is also fantastic.

We used savings to pay for a great nanny for the first two years and then went to a daycare affordable through monthly budget.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't save before hand, rather waited until we could afford daycare as a monthly expense.

Could you explain what you mean by you waited? Did one of you stay home from work with the baby?

No, we waited until we had a HHI that was high enough to support adding monthly daycare costs to our budget. It meant waiting until I got a promotion before we could have a kid. Then my DH got a new job and we could have a second kid.javascript:void(0);

This is why our birthrate is below replacement level. You don't have to be rich or wait for a promotion to have a baby. People manage all over the world and country just fine.

+1. I laugh when I see these responses about “waiting until you can afford it.” You will NEVER have “enough money” - your lifestyle changes. I grew up lower middle class and married into a wealthy family who is much more concerned about money/affording things than my family. Change your lifestyle instead of waiting for a bigger paycheck and you’ll be just fine. Of course many don’t want to do that, and that’s fine, but quit the holier-than-thou rhetoric about how you responsibly waited. No, you just didn’t prioritize having a kid earlier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't save before hand, rather waited until we could afford daycare as a monthly expense.

Could you explain what you mean by you waited? Did one of you stay home from work with the baby?

No, we waited until we had a HHI that was high enough to support adding monthly daycare costs to our budget. It meant waiting until I got a promotion before we could have a kid. Then my DH got a new job and we could have a second kid.javascript:void(0);

This is why our birthrate is below replacement level. You don't have to be rich or wait for a promotion to have a baby. People manage all over the world and country just fine.

OP here - thanks all for these responses