Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:23     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:After I had been dating my now-husband for a year, I decided to go to law school three hours a way. We were long distance for three years, but got engaged during that time and married right after I graduated. It wasn’t always easy, but we stuck with it because we were committed to each other.

I guess the question for OP is, are you actually committed to your girlfriend, or are you just marking time with her?


OP here. Very serious. I want to marry her. She doesn’t think a wedding will happen until her contract is up. I guess I’m just most upset that she didn’t even really talk me about things before even saying she would accept it. She just told me she was taking it. I would never do that. I would discuss things with her before making a decision. I’m starting to feel like my feelings for her are much stronger than hers are for me. Here I am making plans for our future, and she is making plans for herself.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:22     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.


OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?


You were the one who said it was too much to delay and you weren’t sure what to do, which implies there’s an alternative to staying with her.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:20     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:And what if she stays? Are you prepared to propose to her now? Get married next year? You’re asking her to put all of her eggs in your basket, and I wonder what you’re offering in return.


OP here. I’m prepared to do all for that. We have been talking for weeks now about moving in when her lease is up in the summer, getting engaged, when we would get marked, etc. Then this came out of left field. She said she would still get engaged, but a wedding would be difficult to plan when we are in different states. I offered to pay for it ( without sounding like a creep) and she declined. She said she didn’t feel comfortable asking me to pay that much since we are not married.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:17     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.


OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:17     Subject: Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Pay her debt for her if you want her to stick around.


OP here. I offered and she told me she couldn’t accept it. It’s a lot of money. Close to 90k.


She doesn’t want that on her conscience. Move on.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:16     Subject: Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

I mean this is an at will employment country so she could always quit even if she signs a three-year contract. She might have to pay back a signing bonus or something though.

Will she have long periods of time where she isn’t working and can be with you and then has periods where she is working intensely somewhere else? Or will she be gone the whole time?


OP here. She is 31. She will either be on one job or be taking 4-12 week jobs where she will work in different states. I will be able to see her but I don’t know how often.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:16     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Sorry, dude, she’s gone, in all likelihood. She’ll end up marrying a doctor, I’d guess. Sounds like she’s trying to get you to let her go.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:12     Subject: Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:Pay her debt for her if you want her to stick around.


OP here. I offered and she told me she couldn’t accept it. It’s a lot of money. Close to 90k.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:11     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:And what if she stays? Are you prepared to propose to her now? Get married next year? You’re asking her to put all of her eggs in your basket, and I wonder what you’re offering in return.



This exactly, OP.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:11     Subject: Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. I thought things were going very well. Things seemed like they were becoming very serious. We had discussed moving in together, marriage, kids, etc. She’s in the healthcare field and has student debt. She found an opportunity to pay it down. She got an offer to work as a travel nurse but she will have to sign a 3 year contract. She will either be in one location or multiple locations. This job pays much higher, especially in rural areas. I want to her to do what’s best for her, but 3 years is a long time. We will be apart for most of the 3 years. That will delay everything -moving in, getting engaged, kids, etc. I’m trying to be supportive but I feel like she is choosing this over our relationship. She says she loves me and thinks we are strong enough to make it but that’s a lot to to put on hold. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?


OP, you did not commit or proposed so she's doing what's best for her. You should have put a ring on that finger.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:10     Subject: Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her why she has decided to sign a three year contract? Maybe that is a sign she is not ready to settle down. An easy out.


OP here. The company was only offering a 3 year contract.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:09     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.



Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:07     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
After I had been dating my now-husband for a year, I decided to go to law school three hours a way. We were long distance for three years, but got engaged during that time and married right after I graduated. It wasn’t always easy, but we stuck with it because we were committed to each other.

I guess the question for OP is, are you actually committed to your girlfriend, or are you just marking time with her?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 23:04     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
Anonymous wrote:And what if she stays? Are you prepared to propose to her now? Get married next year? You’re asking her to put all of her eggs in your basket, and I wonder what you’re offering in return.


This. She should not give up a good job for a mere boyfriend. If you’re serious about her, propose.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2021 22:59     Subject: Re:Girlfriend taking job In another state
And what if she stays? Are you prepared to propose to her now? Get married next year? You’re asking her to put all of her eggs in your basket, and I wonder what you’re offering in return.