Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine getting old and incontinent and then your family constantly berating you, arguing, and moaning about how miserable it is that you peed yourself again. And, you knew deep down that they would kick you out if they could. That’s a horrible way to go.

Dogs aren’t emotionally that different than very young children. She can sense your resentment. Many dogs are super sensitive to arguing and yelling.

Just like you wouldn’t scare young children. Don’t scare her.

Be nice, give her an awesome, conflict-free few days. Tell her she is loved, and thank her for being there when you needed her. Take her to do some of her favorite things. Feed her some steak, and let her go peacefully in your lap.

You’re her mom. Either show up for her in her old age or let her go in the kindest way possible.

Agree. No dog lover has kicked themselves for doing this too early. It is always done too late and usually takes an outsider to see what is gradual to the dog owner that the dog is unhappy that she’s not being a”good girl”.

I agree. It's always done too late. You love this dog, but it is time to do the hardest thing you will ever have to do as someone who loves their dog. Just because it is hard, does not mean it isn't the right decision. Give her the best days of her life and let her drift off into sweet sleep in your arms. Not pleasant for anyone, but her current situation is not great either and there is no future here for her. It's the compassionate and humane thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is “old”, what breed and where are you in the DMV? A shelter or a rescue organization might be an alternative to euthanasia if can you truly can no longer take care of it. I would call some and see what they have to say. Happy to provide some recommendations. Bottom line for me is quality of life when they get older.

She is a ~13 old cocker spaniel and we live in Maryland.

You cannot give this dog away. Take care of her or put her down. She’s your responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:How old is “old”, what breed and where are you in the DMV? A shelter or a rescue organization might be an alternative to euthanasia if can you truly can no longer take care of it. I would call some and see what they have to say. Happy to provide some recommendations. Bottom line for me is quality of life when they get older.

She is a ~13 old cocker spaniel and we live in Maryland.

Anonymous wrote:Imagine getting old and incontinent and then your family constantly berating you, arguing, and moaning about how miserable it is that you peed yourself again. And, you knew deep down that they would kick you out if they could. That’s a horrible way to go.

Dogs aren’t emotionally that different than very young children. She can sense your resentment. Many dogs are super sensitive to arguing and yelling.

Just like you wouldn’t scare young children. Don’t scare her.

Be nice, give her an awesome, conflict-free few days. Tell her she is loved, and thank her for being there when you needed her. Take her to do some of her favorite things. Feed her some steak, and let her go peacefully in your lap.

You’re her mom. Either show up for her in her old age or let her go in the kindest way possible.

Agree. No dog lover has kicked themselves for doing this too early. It is always done too late and usually takes an outsider to see what is gradual to the dog owner that the dog is unhappy that she’s not being a”good girl”.

Imagine getting old and incontinent and then your family constantly berating you, arguing, and moaning about how miserable it is that you peed yourself again. And, you knew deep down that they would kick you out if they could. That’s a horrible way to go.

Dogs aren’t emotionally that different than very young children. She can sense your resentment. Many dogs are super sensitive to arguing and yelling.

Just like you wouldn’t scare young children. Don’t scare her.

Be nice, give her an awesome, conflict-free few days. Tell her she is loved, and thank her for being there when you needed her. Take her to do some of her favorite things. Feed her some steak, and let her go peacefully in your lap.

You’re her mom. Either show up for her in her old age or let her go in the kindest way possible.

OP, have you tried the medication Proin? It's an inexpensive daily medication for incontinence. Hopefully your vet already suggested it, but just in case ...

Our 13 year old dog was briefly in diapers before she got on Proin. Using diapers wasn't great but it was doable. She does sometimes get up at night and bother us but if we give her a long walk and/or a CBD treat she usually will sleep through. We have considered asking the vet for something stronger.

I think it is okay to euthanize animals before they are in extreme distress, and I often come on these threads to advise people to put the dog down. But in your case, there seems to be so much else going on -- stress the in household, a move, likely less exercise for the dog -- that there's a good chance it's not the dog. It seems right to explore more options. FWIW, I remember being in the baby/toddler stage with my kid and wishing the dog would die: that was stress talking, and I'm so glad she's still around 8 years later.

But if you really decide the dog cannot stay with you, I agree that euthanasia is better than giving her up to a stranger or rescue group.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL's family fenced their back yard and put in a half-door sized pet door flap that the dog could use to go in and out himself whenever he needed to pee. That worked pretty well.

What part of "we had to relocate to an apartment" did you miss in your haste to offer this tid bit?

Euthanasia may be the kindest option. Sounds like a stressful living situation for her

If it were socially acceptable to rehome kids, I swear so many people would drop off their kids.

It’s a dog you’ve had since she was a PUPPY. If you can’t take care of her, euthanize her. It will suck and you will be an a-hole for doing it, but less of one than if you dropped her off at the shelter.

Get a bark collar and a set up where you can put potty pads. Walk her 30 minutes 3x per day, this will help a lot with the peeing and the anxiety. Control her water bowl, she doesn’t need to free drink all day. Put it down at set times so that she and you can better regulate when she is going out.

What’s her breed and age?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have made up your mind and want reassurance that having the dog put down is OK, right?

No- I honestly don’t have a plan, just grasping for options. I really don’t think I would be able to euthanize her when she doesn’t seem to be in pain. I wish we knew someone we could give her to with a fenced backyard/dog door setup like a pp described but we don’t have any family/friends that would fit the bill. I assume if we surrendered her to a rescue (if that’s even a possibility) she would still probably end up being put down?

I was all ready to type an all caps comment about what I think of you for even contemplating tossing your elderly dog who has been loyal to you since she was a puppy into a shelter or rescue because you can’t deal with her being elderly.

PLEASE don’t do that. If you can’t cope with the needs of an elderly dog, if she’s making your life miserable and you are all no doubt exuding hostility that she can sense, have the decency to take her to the vet for euthanasia. PLEASE! YOU OWE HER THAT. Be nice to her for a couple of days, take her out for a doggy ice cream and send her over the rainbow bridge.

This was the type of comment that I was expecting from the get-go, and maybe I deserve it, but when we got the dog 13+ years ago I had no concept of the degree to which having young children and other unanticipated stressors would subsequently stretch my capacity to care for additional being. At this point I just don’t feel like I have enough to give to go around and the stress of dealing with our dog and her issues is negatively impacting our family life and relationship with our children, so yes I resent her for it.

If we euthanized incontinent adults, we'd have to kill off a good portion of our older population that still enjoys life...

...just saying. I strongly disagree that incontinence is a reason to euthanize is the dog is not in pain.

Diapers, bark collar, anti-anxiety meds, and regular check-ups at the vet. She might have UTIs, be going blind, be in cognitive decline and be anxious and bark...

I have a young male dog (the demographic least likely to have incontinence problems!) who gradually started to drop pee about the house. Not marking, no UTI, no bladder infection, not in pain. After multiple urine cultures, bladder cultures, and ultrasounds that yielded nothing but bemused specialists, I just said sod it and bought washable diapers.

I used a bark collar exactly two times on him, to stop him from barking when I left the house, and it worked like magic.

Personally, I wouldn't euthanize a dog that does not appear to be in pain, and is still eating and drinking and ambulatory.