Anonymous wrote:Apologies in advance if some similar thread was created once upon a time but this seems like a common question one might ask.

What are some things that women get hung up about and assume men will care about, when they actually don't give a crap?

Heterosexual relationships aren’t just about what men want. Sometimes they aren’t even about what women want. There are things that I was “hung up on” in my first marriage that were about providing a healthy and stable environment for children. If we hadn’t had children, I would not have cared. These were not things that just one adult in the household could singlehandedly provide.

Anonymous wrote:

Is that really an exception? Those women often have degrees from good universities and are well educated. They just don't make a ton of money. Same as those who work at non-profits. It's not about the income, necessarily, its the background, education, values, etc.

Non-profits may pay 20% to 30% below market rate for these type of talent compared to a F500 employer, but many offers great network and career advancement. Many of the skills are easily lateral-able to F500 at the mid-senior level or executive level. Near-term title and comp do not dominate long term earning potential.

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

Not anymore, high earning men likes high earning women nowdays. You can go to the salary thread on the career subforum where you will see the income bracket 300k - 1m+ marries someone in the same caliber.

Anonymous wrote:The last five pounds.

This. And I would argue that for heterosexual men, the last mile on virtually all appearance-related matters is irrelevant to them. They don't care about the last 5 pounds. They don't care about the one tooth you have that's a little wonky. They might be able to tell the difference between a no-effort look and 15 minutes of hair and makeup, but they really struggle to tell the difference between 15 minutes versus an hour. The can't tell the difference between expensive and cheap clothes, jewelry, and bags (especially bags! omg they have no idea).

Yes, there are exceptions. Those exceptions are usually very status conscious men who care about this stuff only insofar as they think it makes them look better/richer/more successful if their wife or girlfriend is meeting an extremely high standard. Whenever I meet a straight guy who knows and cares about stuff like balayage and Clare V. bags, he also turns out to be pretty shallow and status conscious as well. It's not that he has great taste, it's that he knows brands and what is expensive and he wants his partner to look expensive because he thinks it reflects well on him.

But most men? Their attraction to you will be based on a general impression that's actually pretty immune to details like slight weight fluctuations, makeup application, clothing brands or trends, etc. My DH has learned to up the compliments when he is aware I put extra effort in because he gets that I'm going to extra effort. But he doesn't actually care. He's more than happy when I just shower and throw on a cute dress and some mascara.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

This isn't happening. Successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Marriage is becoming a thing for the affluent and elite, people are not crossing socio-economic classes to marry. It's called assortative mating.

Okay, how about the low-paid teacher at an elite private elementary school? She comes from an UMC family and presents well, but she is passionate about kids.

Is that really an exception? Those women often have degrees from good universities and are well educated. They just don't make a ton of money. Same as those who work at non-profits. It's not about the income, necessarily, its the background, education, values, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

This isn't happening. Successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Marriage is becoming a thing for the affluent and elite, people are not crossing socio-economic classes to marry. It's called assortative mating.

The locker room line is: "I want my income to be high enough to put my executive, double Ivy wife out of work".

I know someone like this. She is a double-Ivy OB-GYN who stays at home with her kids. I can't imagine how much her husband makes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

This isn't happening. Successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Marriage is becoming a thing for the affluent and elite, people are not crossing socio-economic classes to marry. It's called assortative mating.

Okay, how about the low-paid teacher at an elite private elementary school? She comes from an UMC family and presents well, but she is passionate about kids.

Statistically those women, as a group, marry men with similar incomes. I am sure there are exceptions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

This isn't happening. Successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Marriage is becoming a thing for the affluent and elite, people are not crossing socio-economic classes to marry. It's called assortative mating.

Yup. Almost every woman at my top 10 law school married someone more successful than her. I’m an associate in biglaw now but almost every guy I ever dated going back to high school is now as successful or more successful than me. I’m married to a partner. None of my exes married baristas or daycare workers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

This isn't happening. Successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Marriage is becoming a thing for the affluent and elite, people are not crossing socio-economic classes to marry. It's called assortative mating.

Okay, how about the low-paid teacher at an elite private elementary school? She comes from an UMC family and presents well, but she is passionate about kids.

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

right so the answer is for women who are lawyers to quit and become baristas.

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

The biggest thing they care about is that she will put out whenever he wants.

Flat stomach. Much more interested in great sex.

Anonymous wrote:Shaving. Nail polish. Cellulite.

Negative on the shaving, agree on the others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men (high earners in particular) don't care what a woman's job title is, how much she earns, or what she owns. They care that she is attractive and in good physical shape, has a nice, pleasant personality and would make a great mother. Full stop, that's the full list.

That's why professional women are always so confused when the high-status, handsome man they were pursuing goes for the pretty, easy-going barista/daycare worker who loves kids.

This isn't happening. Successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Marriage is becoming a thing for the affluent and elite, people are not crossing socio-economic classes to marry. It's called assortative mating.

The locker room line is: "I want my income to be high enough to put my executive, double Ivy wife out of work".

The last five pounds.