Montessori is not a good fit for your kid. I second the suggestion to find a play based preschool and see if he's more comfortable there.

Preschool teacher here:
He sounds frustrated and like he struggles with impulse control. 1. If it’s a school/group behavior it can be addressed much more easily at school, and you can do a lot to help him voice his frustration at home 2. If the school doesn’t see it as something they can help him mature through then that is a problem. Montessori schools tend to have very high ratios of teachers to kids as part of the model - that makes it difficult to shadow him during transitions, which is what he needs. A teacher to interfere and help him with the words before he destroys work or knocks his work over.

It’s also not something that is fixed in a week or two - every kid starts where they are and learns what they need to
thrive...
To start I would: 1. Give him a very specific count down to the end of whatever activity - at this age just a finish up what you are doing and then it’s almost time to clean up
2. Focus only on using words - if he knocks over something in frustration stop and ask him to tell you what’s he’s trying to express - don’t worry about the thing
3. Have him only go to the teacher right now, not another student - and yea that is contrary to the Montessori method

I agree with a previous poster that this school may not be a good match for him

I teach at a play based preschool and this year it’s 7 kids to two teachers. We have a 4 year old who still snatches and knocks over other kids towers...however he has made so much progress this year and he can stop and talk to a friend and apologize, help fix it and move on. Next year he will have a whole extra year of impulse control, plus the skills to talk to a friend and resolve conflict

OP, I wish I could give you a hug. I am the author of this thread from 2012: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/268691.page

My son is now in 7th grade and he is so calm and sweet and kind. He can't remember any of his crazy behavior from kindergarten and preschool.

My son was hitting kids every day in school. He also tore up art projects and threw blocks at kids. People also asked me what was going on at home to cause this. Parents looked at me as though I was the mom of a serial killer.

My son completely outgrew the behavior by first grade. He is a very anxious child and the anxiety now manifests in a different way. Of course, as a 12-year-old, he can express how he is feeling and we can work together on his anxiety.

Perhaps you should find a new preschool or maybe the teachers can work with you to manage the situation. My son had a lovely K teacher. She let him sit under her desk with a blanket thrown over it to calm him down. It could take some out-of-the box thinking like that to help.

Anyway, I know you are a good parent and you are doing your best. I promise that it will get better and you and your son will have a good laugh about it when he is in 7th grade!

Hi op, I agree this isn’t necessarily abnormal though the once a week messing with others work does sound like kind of a lot - but in your description I could kind of imagine this being my kid if he was in a Montessori program. I wonder if it just really isn’t a good personality fit. My son is in an almost all outdoors, more Reggio Emilia type program and doing very well but I really could see based on what they tell me that if he was in a more rigid program this might happen (he’s a young 3). I would explore if there are other options for next year where there is less rigidity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not ok. But it could also be the product of his environment and what montessori style expects from him. Its not for everyone.

+1

The Montessori approach works well for my kids and they'd never rip up someone else's work. And if it was happening to them then I'd definitely be putting pressure on the school to encourage that child to find a more suitable preschool.

There's a lot of maturity expected from Montessori kids. Your child doesn't have it yet. That's okay, but it's not okay to keep him somewhere that isn't good for him or the other kids.

you'd want a child removed if your kid's art project got ripped up one time in the course of a year?

OP said this was a weekly occurrence and I bet her son is targeting certain children.

I think what's abnormal about this situation is that he's not learning from his mistakes or from the consequences of these situations (you didn't tell us what the consequences are, and I am not familiar with how montessori deals with stuff like this). He should be learning and the consequences should be working. So it's either his processing of that or it's that the school is not doing a good job with discipline. You should talk to them about that in your meeting.

Not a huge red flag as he’s so young but sounds like a terrible fit for Montessori,

Do you see problems with impulse control and defiant behavior at home or on the playground when you are with him? It could just be an issue where the Montessori philosophy or even just the teachers in that room are not a good fit for him. I'd try a different preschool because that one isn't working out and they've obviously decided that he is the "bad" kid.

Anonymous wrote:He sounds a little too comfortable in his environment... perhaps a more formal preschool setting would improve his impulsive behavior.

This is not happening because a 3-4 year old is "too comfortable."

He sounds a little too comfortable in his environment... perhaps a more formal preschool setting would improve his impulsive behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I mean it's not outside the realm of normal, but it's also not normal, if you know what I mean. Kids that age get frustrated, etc., but if he is damaging another kid's work every week, that's a lot.

This. Doesn't sound like montissori is for him.

Anonymous wrote:I mean it's not outside the realm of normal, but it's also not normal, if you know what I mean. Kids that age get frustrated, etc., but if he is damaging another kid's work every week, that's a lot.

This. On its own not abnormal but the frequency is not normal. I also agree that the school may not be a great fit but even in a more play based environment I’m not sure they’d be happy about these incidents happening so frequently

That is a very high level of anger for a three year old. What kind of stresses is he experiencing at home?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not ok. But it could also be the product of his environment and what montessori style expects from him. Its not for everyone.

+1

The Montessori approach works well for my kids and they'd never rip up someone else's work. And if it was happening to them then I'd definitely be putting pressure on the school to encourage that child to find a more suitable preschool.

There's a lot of maturity expected from Montessori kids. Your child doesn't have it yet. That's okay, but it's not okay to keep him somewhere that isn't good for him or the other kids.

you'd want a child removed if your kid's art project got ripped up one time in the course of a year?

Anonymous wrote:Its not ok. But it could also be the product of his environment and what montessori style expects from him. Its not for everyone.

+1

The Montessori approach works well for my kids and they'd never rip up someone else's work. And if it was happening to them then I'd definitely be putting pressure on the school to encourage that child to find a more suitable preschool.

There's a lot of maturity expected from Montessori kids. Your child doesn't have it yet. That's okay, but it's not okay to keep him somewhere that isn't good for him or the other kids.