You can’t be a free-range parent of a toddler, because the goal of any child two and under is to destroy your house and/or commit suicide.

From age 3 onward, you can begin to give them a progressively — and reasonably — longer leash. But between 0 and 5, you’ll make yourself crazy if you compare your child’s abilities to someone “just a year older.”

This describes my life exactly when my kids were that age. Two very active kids, the younger thinking he could do the same things as the older, and seemingly all my friends having kids who were just enough older or more placid that they could actually give more than 10% of their attention to the conversation. And then I went and had a third and got to do that stage all over again.

The one time I could hang out with mom friends and actually talk was when we took walks together with my kids in the double stroller.

But anyway, as others have said, this will pass!

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, I could have written this. My kids are the same age right now and EVERYWHERE. We have established boundaries outside with our oldest. He can go to neighbor A’s house and to a certain tree along our side wall. He knows not to go in the road. If he passes those boundaries he goes inside unroll he can be safe and follow the rules we have set. I will say, we are now 3 years and a few months and it is MUCH MUCH better than 2 years and 11 months. Listening is better, processing what happens next, he is more helpful.

The one year old. Lord help me with him. All the rocks in the mouth, no fear to the max, runs and laughs because he knows he isn’t supposed to. I know in the next few months he will start to understand boundaries and we will set the same.

But give the older one boundaries and just spot the 1 year old. It will get easier. You will soon be able to enjoy a cocktail!

Thanks for this. My DC is 2 almost 3 and is a runner. Yes, DC will run into the street so it is exhausting. And she still puts objects in her mouth that do not belong there. (While tattling on other kids when they put a rock in their mouths...sigh). So I am hopeful in drastic improvements in the months to come.

OP, I do not think you are helicopter, you know what/who you are dealing with.

Difference between 3 and 4 has been huge in my experience. A 3 year old is like a big toddler with more troublemaking ideas. My little Curious George was a true menace at that age and you could not turn your back or there would be something broken, possibly in the child. A 4 year old is starting to get what’s going on.

Anonymous wrote:I’m naturally relaxed (maybe lazy??) but my kids are naturally careful and have self-preservation when it comes to climbing up and down things, etc. I never had to hover around them on playground equipment.

You’re lucky. And, key word here is “naturally.” If you end up with a runner, there’s just not much you can do except put a leash on him/her

I had 2 and have the grey hairs to show for it. Now they are all careful when they cross the street.

I’m naturally relaxed (maybe lazy??) but my kids are naturally careful and have self-preservation when it comes to climbing up and down things, etc. I never had to hover around them on playground equipment.

Age 1-2 is when kids seem to be trying to injure themselves or break things at any possible opportunity. I am a very chill person and I had no chill with my toddlers.

Once my youngest was 2.5, they started playing together and it got so much easier.

I depends on your kids. If you don’t have a dud who just sits there, you will need to watch a 1 and 2 year old very carefully. All of my kids were running by 1, and they definitely would have farted out into traffic. Basement play dates were a godsend.

I think it really depends on your child. My 2nd child is a boy who is very active, and it's much more stressful to watch him than it was with our daughter. Also, I might LOOK like I'm "relaxed" sometimes when I'm watching him, but I'm really not. Sometimes I go home from socializing while watching him and I feel exhausted.

Definitely seek out fenced in toddler playgrounds. They have made a huge difference in my life.

Oh man, I could have written this. My kids are the same age right now and EVERYWHERE. We have established boundaries outside with our oldest. He can go to neighbor A’s house and to a certain tree along our side wall. He knows not to go in the road. If he passes those boundaries he goes inside unroll he can be safe and follow the rules we have set. I will say, we are now 3 years and a few months and it is MUCH MUCH better than 2 years and 11 months. Listening is better, processing what happens next, he is more helpful.

The one year old. Lord help me with him. All the rocks in the mouth, no fear to the max, runs and laughs because he knows he isn’t supposed to. I know in the next few months he will start to understand boundaries and we will set the same.

But give the older one boundaries and just spot the 1 year old. It will get easier. You will soon be able to enjoy a cocktail!

I have 2.5 yo and 4.5 yo boys and wouldn’t be able to just go and chill on a friends porch.

Trips to the park are pretty miserable. Even our nanny comes home looking completely exhausted.

I’m not a helicopter mom. My kids are just crazy.

It depends on your kids but to me it does not sound like you’re a helicopter parent. My son is INSANE walking at like 10 months climbing falling running and it still hasn’t changed. He literally has no fears and wants to explore everything a million ways. If you have a kid you can sit down with a toy and they play quietly for 20 minutes then yes you can chill with a beer on porch. But I was never able to do that and still can’t.

When my DD was 1, a mom friend with a same-age child told me that she "really admired" my ability to just let my child roam and fall down and to not be over-vigilant. I said thanks but inside though, "omg am I a terrible mom????"

Now I get that it's just a function of your kid's disposition and your own tendencies. I could be a bit more hands off with my kid because she was (and is) a shy mama's girl. She has always tended to stick close and to check in with me often. I let her roam a bit because I knew she would never roam far, and I could always watch her out of the corner of my eye or even get a hand on her quickly if I needed. Some kids are bolters, or will put anything and everything in their mouth the second they touch it. My kid was never like that, so I think it was actually good for her and me for me to be a little less hands on, because she needed to learn some independence and I needed to learn to trust her. But for another parent/kid combo, they may be working on listening and checking in, and that requires a different dynamic.

In other words: no, I'm not a terrible mom and you aren't a helicopter parent (your kid is little! it's normal to hover!). Figure out what works for you and it's okay if it's not the exact same thing as works for your friends or for the other parents on the playground. There's a pretty wide range of what is acceptable and I personally only judge other parents on this issue if they are (1) physically or verbally abusive towards their kid, regardless of level of supervision, or (2) ignoring a child who obviously needs help or intervention. Everything else is fine.

My advice as a mom of 2 boys, 17 months apart. Dress the boys in the same BRIGHT NEON T shirts. Easier to find on a jungle gym. The park is stressful, especially with 2 busy boys. Meanwhile, the girls are having a tea party in the sandbox and never move. I get you.

Oh and for playgrounds, seek out those that are fenced or inside a park away from roads. There are a few and while its not a complete peace of mind it gives you a few extra seconds knowing that there is no road to worry about.