My old boss lived in a 60 x 100 split in a middle class area, drive a ten year old mini van and sent kids to state schools and made them chip in on cost. Shopped at Kohl’s.

Made around six million year and when we ipo”d made $100 million. Never once got Starbucks or took a Uber, that’s for rich folks.

I grew up UMC/rich. I want to look nice and put together but definitely don't want to look rich.
As for cars, I purposefully don't want to drive something showy b/c I don't want other drivers to assume something of me or be a target of theft or vandalism.

Anonymous wrote:I despise ostentation because I think it’s a poor allocation of resources. For me I spend less out of principle and less so due to anticipated social repercussions.

Wow, you better hope the Democrats don't institute an insufferability tax. Whew.

Yes, but for different reasons: we were LMC but my parents saved to buy a house in a middle class area. They were the only ones who were never robbed, because we never looked like we "had anything."

It's not the lesson they were trying to teach me, but if you don't look flashy, you are less likely to be robbed. Our neighbors new cars have been sacked a couple of times, our 15 year old Toyota Camrys haven't.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Our volvo cost 80k


As did ours. But for DH, I don't think most people would realized he spent that much on a Volvo. Whereas if he drove a BMW, people would think he spent a lot.


Huh? Volvos are expensive cars.

This is funny. My BMV suv was 57k.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up LMC/MC and I am always embarrassed to have people over to our house. Except for other friends in the immediate neighborhood, our house is much bigger and more expensive than anyone else’s I know, and it makes me super uncomfortable. We totally don’t have expensive tastes in furnishings, DH and I both wear clothes we’ve had for decades if they’re still comfy, and we don’t have fancy cars. It’s just the house. I think maybe it makes me more uncomfortable because people who know us don’t expect it?

I'm sort of in the same position. We're pretty conservative on many things, but we did splurge for a custom build home a few years ago. Splurge may be the wrong word since we'll get every dollar out of it we spent, so it was more an asset allocation decision that a spending decision. It does make me a bit uncomfortable when old friends come through town and see the house. Also, in the age of Zillow, anyone with your address can look up your home value, and I know several folks who make a habit of doing that that.

It's always going to be awkward. There are too many things you would like to talk about with friends but always have to bite your tongue as you hold back your pocketbook too. Nod along when others complain about the cost of things. Hold out on vacation details. I bet if you moved to a higher cost of living rung people would still be a mixed bag of money worries or show offs. Try focusing on other stuff (like designing your new home one day) and not how you are perceived.

Why do you want a new build? Because you can? Or because there are things you can't get in your current home? I mean, figuring out your reasoning might help you with this.

Also there's no reason you have to tell people what you're doing. Just do it. I don't announce that I fly first class and stay at 5 star hotels every time I travel, but I do.

You care too much what other people think.

Anyone who is overly ostenacious or restrictive of their spending due to what they think others will think of them is suffering from the same underlying lack of confidence.

Outside of some basic consideration for what is generally acceptable and proper, I don't particularly care what others think of how I spend my money.

We all have different places where we choose to spend more money than others. Just because you personally don't have nice designer clothes, luxury cars, doesn't mean you are someone superior to those that do, but choose to not spend money for private school, organic food, etc.

The opposite of being a flashy show-off isn't being a tightwad spendthrift, it's to not care.

Anonymous wrote:Our volvo cost 80k

Yes - we chose a Porsche Cayenne over a Volvo and the Porsche was less expensive. But people think of it as ostentatious.

Other than the cars we probably don't spend less money but definitely don't try to flaunt it. And we definitely don't do the brand name clothing/purses, etc.

I will always "look rich" to someone no matter what I spend. So I don't think about it.

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to not spend extra money on things that are status symbols or recognizable luxury brands, but it seems silly to avoid spending money on quality or experiences where you can afford it just to avoid looking rich.

e.g. don't buy a LV Neverfull, but go on the nice trip, buy the good sheets, order the nice meal, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You don't have to post it or talk about it to everyone you know.

THIS. But, for those who understand, no explanation is required. For those who don’t, no explanation will suffice.

I grew up LMC/MC and I am always embarrassed to have people over to our house. Except for other friends in the immediate neighborhood, our house is much bigger and more expensive than anyone else’s I know, and it makes me super uncomfortable. We totally don’t have expensive tastes in furnishings, DH and I both wear clothes we’ve had for decades if they’re still comfy, and we don’t have fancy cars. It’s just the house. I think maybe it makes me more uncomfortable because people who know us don’t expect it?

I grew up very middle middle class. Camping vacations, public schools, 1500 sq ft house in the far out burbs. We're now at 800K HHI, 10M+ NW. I still watch every dime. Doesn't mean it we don't spend on nice travel, schools, cars, etc. We also buy very good food for the home - organic everything, nice cuts of meat, etc.

But we get 10 years out of our cars which are just nice, so super luxury, we don't really buy designer anything (clothes, furniture, etc), when we travel we fly coach, we might make it to a "fine" dining restaurant a couple times a year for special occasions. And all of that is just fine for us - it's not a sacrifice to not spend every dime, but we're not trying to hide anything either. We also have the benefit of both of working (which also has costs), and earning pretty equal salaries.

We know families that look way wealthier than we do based on consumption on a single salary, and they are likely spending every dollar they make. So sort of the opposite of what the OP was asking about.