Anonymous wrote:Leave 9 year old at the park, go home and change 5 year old, then come back.

And deal with a 5yo who throws a tantrum because they don’t want to return? Nope.

Have a parent upset because their child was supervised (by me) and I left both at the park to deal with a 5yo tantrum? Nope.

We have a solution we like. You just don’t like it.

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Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

Plus leaving early punishes her sister. You are both rewarding her bratty behavior in the moment AND punishing her sister by cutting short her play date. That’s giving her a lot of power.

Suppose you’re going to the playground again the very next day. Now there aren’t other kids there so the sister gets punished again by having to go alone. Also, who is going to watch your 5 year old while you take her older sister to the playground? Are you really getting a sitter for this? That punishes ME. It turns an easy playground run into a hassle I need to coordinate with a sitter AND pay extra for. This is the type of knee-jerk solution that sounds good to threaten but is very impractical. It’s a rookie mistake.

Leave her with her dad and have fun with the other sibling. You guys need help to figure this out? Your kids are doomed.

You’re presupposing that there are two parents AND that both are home just after school.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

Not at that age it isn't. When she sees you walking out the door on the way to the park with the sibling, she'll get it. Kids who pee their pants aren't going to the park. Then shut the door and leave.

I’m not paying someone to stay with a 5yo who owed her pants, nor am I leaving her alone.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

Plus leaving early punishes her sister. You are both rewarding her bratty behavior in the moment AND punishing her sister by cutting short her play date. That’s giving her a lot of power.

Suppose you’re going to the playground again the very next day. Now there aren’t other kids there so the sister gets punished again by having to go alone. Also, who is going to watch your 5 year old while you take her older sister to the playground? Are you really getting a sitter for this? That punishes ME. It turns an easy playground run into a hassle I need to coordinate with a sitter AND pay extra for. This is the type of knee-jerk solution that sounds good to threaten but is very impractical. It’s a rookie mistake.

Leave her with her dad and have fun with the other sibling. You guys need help to figure this out? Your kids are doomed.

Good grief. You really want to make your life harder, go ahead.

One way deals with the problem immediately and solves it. Done.

The other way requires coordinating with another parent (or sitter) and creating a power struggle with a 5 year old all so mom gets the satisfaction of feeling like she’s in control the second day because you got manipulated by your kid at the playground. You really can’t figure out why one is preferable to the other? Your poor kid.

Leave 9 year old at the park, go home and change 5 year old, then come back.

I think I'd talk to her about it, get her to open up about how she felt and why she did it, tell her how it makes you feel and what you are considering going forward, tell her why it's not acceptable to manipulate others that way, etc. Then I'd ask for her input as to how you both should deal with this.

If none of this works well with your kid, try something else, but for some kids this would work well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

Plus leaving early punishes her sister. You are both rewarding her bratty behavior in the moment AND punishing her sister by cutting short her play date. That’s giving her a lot of power.

Suppose you’re going to the playground again the very next day. Now there aren’t other kids there so the sister gets punished again by having to go alone. Also, who is going to watch your 5 year old while you take her older sister to the playground? Are you really getting a sitter for this? That punishes ME. It turns an easy playground run into a hassle I need to coordinate with a sitter AND pay extra for. This is the type of knee-jerk solution that sounds good to threaten but is very impractical. It’s a rookie mistake.

Leave her with her dad and have fun with the other sibling. You guys need help to figure this out? Your kids are doomed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

Not at that age it isn't. When she sees you walking out the door on the way to the park with the sibling, she'll get it. Kids who pee their pants aren't going to the park. Then shut the door and leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

Plus leaving early punishes her sister. You are both rewarding her bratty behavior in the moment AND punishing her sister by cutting short her play date. That’s giving her a lot of power.

Suppose you’re going to the playground again the very next day. Now there aren’t other kids there so the sister gets punished again by having to go alone. Also, who is going to watch your 5 year old while you take her older sister to the playground? Are you really getting a sitter for this? That punishes ME. It turns an easy playground run into a hassle I need to coordinate with a sitter AND pay extra for. This is the type of knee-jerk solution that sounds good to threaten but is very impractical. It’s a rookie mistake.

This child is able to outwit you. She'll try something different next time she wants her way. You have to be able to take and keep control in that moment.

Anonymous wrote:You really think she did this on purpose?

Are you sure she didn't sorta have to go pee regardless whether big sister was playing or being at the playground? She couldn't hold it in and was too anxious and disappointed given she was without a buddy to play with and just released it?

YOu don't give a lot of context about her personality. Was there remorse? Embarassment? Confusion?

Autism sign?

My son was pretty straight forward when he had to go home because he had to go to the bathroom, he told me he had to go home to pee or poop. His friends all did the same thing. We would stop at the play ground walking home from school. Normally one of the kids would tell me they had to go to the bathroom so we went home. the number of data points is reasonably small but normally kids will just say "I have to go to the bathroom" and not a list of other reasons why they want to go home. But it is possible that the 5 year old needed to go to the bathroom and wasn't willing to tell Mom but I would guess that she would have a history of that and Mom would not have been surprised.

One accident at the park is not a sign of autism. Consistent issues might be a sign of something but this clearly was out of the norm behavior, the OP post suggests she was caught off guard.

I can totally see a 5 year old not figuring out that if she said she had to go to the bathroom they would leave the park and just turning to pee herself. My 8 year old recently ended a play date at a park by saying he had to go to the bathroom, turns out he didn't and the other kid was rejecting playing every other game and whining about wanting to go home. I can see a 5 year old going pee instead of working out that she just needed to say she needed to go to the bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

We’re not saying they don’t. But if the next trip to the park isn’t later that day or the next afternoon, it’s too far to connect. Consequences need to be clearly linked; sitting in per pants after you peed on purpose does that.

You really think she did this on purpose?

Are you sure she didn't sorta have to go pee regardless whether big sister was playing or being at the playground? She couldn't hold it in and was too anxious and disappointed given she was without a buddy to play with and just released it?

YOu don't give a lot of context about her personality. Was there remorse? Embarassment? Confusion?

Autism sign?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave Herat home next time. Tell her kids who pee their pants can’t go to the park.

Nope. This is the wrong approach. Being punitive and petty will result in more defiant behavior. Plus this consequence is way way too far in the future to be effective. The people saying that you need to stay at the park abd not reward the behavior are right on.

Nope. Kids need limits and the sooner they learn them, the better for everyone.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took my 9 and 5yr old DD to the playground after school yesterday. 9 DD just so happened to find a friend from school to play with. 5 DD started whining saying it wasn’t fair she didn’t have a friend to play with. I offered to push her on the swings, suggested all sorts of things she could play, and even tried ignoring her whining but she was begging to go home. She then peed her pants on purpose so we would have to leave. I don’t think there’s anyway I can try to coordinate both girls always having a friend at the park, and I also don’t think it’s fair to make both leave just because 1 isn’t having fun. We obviously did have to leave as I didn’t have a change of clothes. What should I have done differently?

Not leave the park. She could stand there uncomfortable with a promise of a bath when she got home after her sister was done playing. Urine might not be pleasant but it is not life threatening.

+1

If you are certain she peed her pants on purpose, you can’t let that kind of manipulation get her what she wants.

If you don’t like the approach of making her endure the consequences of her actions, don’t take her to the park again without a fresh set of underwear/pants on hand.

Agree with everything except the change of clothes. Let her deal with smelling like the pissy 5yo at the park. She will need to try another strategy when disappointed. Maybe learning how to play with rocks and ants alone like we did? Or bringing a book to read? She has to learn.

I would have let her sit there in her pissy pants.