This is such a foreign concept to me. Both DH and I WOH and he's been 100% involved from birth. He took FMLA to have more weeks at home with our son as a newborn. He does at least 50% of the bed times and bath times and our son comes to either of us for permission or boo boo kissing. I'm traveling out of town for 5 days and I have zero concern at all that he's got it handled.

I get that other people make different choices with structuring their domestic lives, and in that case I think OP's question is a thoughtful one. Would be better coming from her DH phrased as "how to best maximize my connection with my children given limited time off from work?"

My DH's father was a business owner with limited time. He took 1/2 day every Thursday and took my DH on a dedicated outing each week just the 2 of them. As a result, my DH is very close with his (somewhat objectively abrasive) father. His dad put in the time and made parenting a priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is handoff, and my children are around me all the time. Both are mama kids. They are young, 5.5 boy and 2.5 girl.

I hear that it is good to build in father-son day & father-daughter day, when to start, how long & how often, and what to do?

He probably likes it the way it is.

This is op, yes, he does love it enjoying handoffs. So, I am going to make something happen by putting this on honey-to- do list. He tells me that guy only does things from a list. if I don’t write it on a list ( verbal does not count), he would not have thought of it, would have forgotten about it, and would not do it. I don’t understand that piece of crappy logic, but I am going to write it with black marker on his list.

Ugh, why did you have children with this man? Who doesn't want to spend time with their kids? They will certainly pick up on this, if they haven't already.

Based on how it sounds like your weekends are structured, I'd do something along the lines of:

Saturday morning, mom has both kids
Saturday afternoon, mom has one, dad has the other
Sunday morning, dad has both kids
Sunday afternoon, reverse of Saturday afternoon.

And/or you mix it up to do family activities. I don't really know what you mean with your DH being a "handoff dad".

Hah DH here and I was taking the kids out when one was 1 month old and the other was 2. He can easily do it now. The kids are still young and cute enough that thanks to the double standard he can get away with anything while out -- people so rarely see fathers out with young kids so you get all kinds of "good job" etc just for doing the same things a mother would do.

In terms of needing a bathroom, men totally don't care if you bring a little kid into the mens room. If anything, they are more anxious than the kid. Also they can learn what a urinal is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is handoff, and my children are around me all the time. Both are mama kids. They are young, 5.5 boy and 2.5 girl.

I hear that it is good to build in father-son day & father-daughter day, when to start, how long & how often, and what to do?

He probably likes it the way it is.

This is op, yes, he does love it enjoying handoffs. So, I am going to make something happen by putting this on honey-to- do list. He tells me that guy only does things from a list. if I don’t write it on a list ( verbal does not count), he would not have thought of it, would have forgotten about it, and would not do it. I don’t understand that piece of crappy logic, but I am going to write it with black marker on his list.

I just want to echo the consensus which is: do it now. If I were in your position, I would have him do a morning with both kids on the weekend (get them up, breakfast, dressed, activity, and then you can meet them for lunch) AND he should be spending 2-3 hours each week with each of them one on one. It will be good for them and good for him. Plus, when he's doing 1:1 time with one of them, you can have 1:1 time with the other, which with multiple kids is important.

And I don't know what your situation is, but I would highly recommend you making sure you have time and activities that you do on your own without the kids. I don't care if you work or not (I was a SAHM for many years and unlike many on this board I think it's a valuable and worthwhile job), but being a mother is not a job you can do at the same level forever. In the same way that people who have paid jobs must plan for changes to their careers and industries, as well as retirement, SAHPs must do this too. Your children need you a lot right now in a very immediate way. Their needs will change and mostly lessen over time (though some of their emotional and financial needs will increase). How will you handle those changes? What will you do with your time? Make sure you have a life outside your children, even if it is just a small one for now, so that you can continue to invest in it as they grow older and your relationship to them changes.