This may be a personality thing as much as an IQ thing. A lot of people hate Myers-Briggs because they don’t want to be placed in a “box,” yada, yada. But, I think the typology points out important differences. OP seems like a “N” (someone who likes ideas) and her policeman husband is probably the opposite, a “S,” (someone who likes tangible things). While determined effort can help any set of people get along, this pairing is challenging. Ultimately, the “N” person wants to read, think, discuss, debate, and communicate. Meanwhile, the “S” person wants to do, act, feel, and experience. If OP wants to discuss ideas together, but hubby wants to workout together, there may not be a lot in common. This may become more apparent once the common battles of careers, settling down, and young kids are behind them. Then, the emphasis is on them alone, staring at each other wishing the other was like them.

I'm 10+ years in. At the beginning DW was probably a bit smarter than me and definitely a better study. At some point since we've had kids she's become less intellectually curious and seems to have stopped learning things she does not need to know. In all fairness the kids suck much of her energy. I do wish she'd get the intellectual curiosity back though. The conversations never seem to go as deep as they used to.

Some of the smartest people I know love watching dumb videos and Ridiculousness.

It's the dumb ones who feel the need to impress everyone with how smart they are.

I think my DH is definitely as intelligent as I am (I’d suspect our IQs are within 5 points of each other), but my struggle is I feel like DH is overall just much less capable than I am, for a host of complex reasons (undiagnosed ADHD, the patriarchy that enables mediocre white men, and just having a naturally low energy set point for his baseline).

The mismatch in our abilities to manage the responsibilities of a complicated adult life has been deeply challenging.

But I’ve never questioned that DH is highly intelligent. Our kids are both extremely smart too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he work? What does he do?

Yes. He's an extremely hard worker. He's a police officer.

What type? How many years? So is my H?

Have you read “ I love a cop”?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book smart is not smart. I think you are giving yourself way too much credit.

1/2 my family is super book smart but dumb AF

The rest (mostly dyslexic) are not book smart but highly smart.

The “book smart” crew can be exhausting and boring.

I suggest being less “book smart” and trying to be a little more interesting

What talents do you have besides reading books and discussing that information.

I'm book smart, a long term strategic thinker, and a fairly good debater.
He's good with mechanical systems- appliances, stereos, etc. He can put most things together without directions.
In terms of socializing, I'm slightly more "interesting", but mostly because I'm more confident in new social circles and can jump start conversations.
I am better at reading people, their motives, and what's said between the lines. He is better at reading situations and notices very subtle changes in the environment.

You guys sound just like my family.

But really the non book smart people in my family are way more interesting they have more real life knowledge.

One just finished the App trail (in September) another saves wild birds, another studies reptiles, one builds furniture.

My brother telling a real life story about the guy that he was fixing small farm equipment with (a hobby he does) is way more interesting than discussing whether the man in Moscow book was as impressive as the the reviews and what my thoughts are on his relationship with the actress.

Both discussions I’ve had in the past month.

I really don’t think the “book smart” group get how droll they can be.

I suspect your H just got bored.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m book smart/academic compared to my DH but he has much higher EQ, common sense, and better social skills. Funny thing, his entire family is both unintellectual (no college) and stupid in common sense and relationships. Is your DH at least high EQ?

It's hard to answer that. He's extremely nice and empathetic to people. He also looks for the good in all people. But for that reason, he almost never notices when someone is taking advantage of him or has ulterior motives. I'm usually the one to catch it. But on the flip side, as I mentioned in another post, he's better at noticing changes in the environment that I am.
These are not real life examples, but let's say there's a scam artist that's trying to recruit us into a pyramid scheme, I'll sniff it out first. But if we're in the mall and about to get ambushed, he'd notice those signs first.

Socially we're on par, but I tend to do better in new environments.

Very strange analogies that don’t help because they are not real world. But the pandemic has brought this to fruition and once things are back to normal, I’m sure it won’t bother you as much.

Anonymous wrote:I’m book smart/academic compared to my DH but he has much higher EQ, common sense, and better social skills. Funny thing, his entire family is both unintellectual (no college) and stupid in common sense and relationships. Is your DH at least high EQ?

It's hard to answer that. He's extremely nice and empathetic to people. He also looks for the good in all people. But for that reason, he almost never notices when someone is taking advantage of him or has ulterior motives. I'm usually the one to catch it. But on the flip side, as I mentioned in another post, he's better at noticing changes in the environment that I am.
These are not real life examples, but let's say there's a scam artist that's trying to recruit us into a pyramid scheme, I'll sniff it out first. But if we're in the mall and about to get ambushed, he'd notice those signs first.

Socially we're on par, but I tend to do better in new environments.

Anonymous wrote:Does he work? What does he do?

Yes. He's an extremely hard worker. He's a police officer.

Anonymous wrote:Book smart is not smart. I think you are giving yourself way too much credit.

1/2 my family is super book smart but dumb AF

The rest (mostly dyslexic) are not book smart but highly smart.

The “book smart” crew can be exhausting and boring.

I suggest being less “book smart” and trying to be a little more interesting

What talents do you have besides reading books and discussing that information.

I'm book smart, a long term strategic thinker, and a fairly good debater.
He's good with mechanical systems- appliances, stereos, etc. He can put most things together without directions.
In terms of socializing, I'm slightly more "interesting", but mostly because I'm more confident in new social circles and can jump start conversations.
I am better at reading people, their motives, and what's said between the lines. He is better at reading situations and notices very subtle changes in the environment.

I’m book smart/academic compared to my DH but he has much higher EQ, common sense, and better social skills. Funny thing, his entire family is both unintellectual (no college) and stupid in common sense and relationships. Is your DH at least high EQ?

Anonymous wrote:I’m more academically intelligent than my wife, but she has a much higher emotional IQ than me. OP, you don’t have to refer to your husband in such demeaning terms. You do seem insufferable.

I agree. My husband is smarter than I in many ways. I have more education than he does, but I can't code. At all. He's downright brilliant, but doesn't hold his brilliance against me.

I had a boyfriend once who was barely literate but could figure out anything mechanical at a glance, and, after hearing Shakespeare on audiobook, brought new perspectives to the characters' motivations.

It sounds to me as if your husband needs someone who appreciates him, whether it's you, or someone else.

Does he work? What does he do?

Book smart is not smart. I think you are giving yourself way too much credit.

1/2 my family is super book smart but dumb AF

The rest (mostly dyslexic) are not book smart but highly smart.

The “book smart” crew can be exhausting and boring.

I suggest being less “book smart” and trying to be a little more interesting

What talents do you have besides reading books and discussing that information.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. OP, if you were as smart as you seem to think you are, you’d have noticed this before you got married.

Did you read the post? I started by saying that I've always been smarter than him. He and I both know this and it's no secret. Why is this offending people?

15:06 explains it nicely.