Anonymous wrote:Adulting so damn annoying. To some.

This. There need to be classes on how to adult. We just weren't taught that well I think as a society.

Deal with the house and he gives you crap, ask him to buy one that doesn't need maintenance. And then put your headphones on and say you're done arguing.

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem, not a maintenance problem.

Maybe sell the house and rent if he can’t be bothered.

Husband maintenance is a problem.

The best way to deal with people who get angry about rational things is to just let them get angry. It is not your responsibility to not make him angry about simple adult tasks that need to be done. I would let him know that you would like to talk about ongoing house maintenance that needs to be done and if he doesn't want to talk about it fine but you're moving forward and then do so.

Can you put what needs to be fixed in an email? It’s not clear if he just doesn’t want to discuss it after work when he might have been looking forward to enjoying your company, or if he truly gets annoyed at needing to get things like rotting wood taken care of.

I’d start with sending him emails about what needs to be fixed.

If he ignores it or worse yet argues about it with you, I’d just hire someone to do the work. He doesn’t get to get mad at you and put you in the bad guy role and then not let you solve the problem in an appropriate way. That would be untennable to me to the point that I’d seriously think about if this was the marriage I wanted. Rotting wood is a real problem, safety being one reason, especially on a deck.

His refusal to discuss it even over email, coupled with his annoyance (which can suck the joy right out of the room) along with not allowing yout o handle it would make me wonder if he’s got a mental illness. Lots of mental health issues are masked under the guise of “saving money”.

As for the person who moved from a condo out into the country, I’m kind of on your husband’s side, and I hate condo living.


Maybe your husband prefers an hoa? I know I do. I also know my husband would hate living out in the country, he did as a boy and found the isolation crushing, something I didn’t realize until just a few years ago.

A single family in an hoa works perfectly for us, though it took my husband awhile to realize that too, it’s almost like he couldn’t process that there was a medium ground between out in the country and condo living.

Adulting so damn annoying. To some.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So hire the work out and don't discuss it with him first.

He would flip.

I would go to marriage counseling over this. It sounds annoying AF.

My DH sort of does this when things break down in the house. Leads by complaining that the house was shoddily built. It’s incredibly annoying.

But, we were in marital counseling for other issues and he was explaining how he dislikes when I leave holiday decorations out beyond what he sees as an appropriate amount of time. Then he gets a wild hair and puts them all away and throws out those he doesn’t like. What he revealed was that having the decorations out really ratchets up his anxiety (and IMO undiagnosed ADHD) when they are out.

Point being, perhaps your spouse has an issue with anxiety in these situations and it is causing him to lash out?

I sympathize, OP. My ex-h was the same way. And to the people saying do it anyway, you're missing the point. It's not something he should be angry about and take out on her. I would "just handle it" and then "just deal with" his anger -- which in turn angered me, because I deserved PRAISE and appreciation, not anger.

Seriously, taking care of my house the way I want to has been one of my greatest joys post-divorce.

Anonymous wrote:14 years of home ownership (2 homes) and husband STILL gets angry/annoyed every time we have to discuss normal maintenance or wear/tear items. And forget cosmetic improvements - total non-starter with him.

We have the money he is just so damn cheap. I’m just so tired of being the “bad guy” and having to endure an argument because boards on our deck are rotting and I’d like them replaced.

Rant over.

Same where. The deferred maintenance if I don’t do it is crazy. But it’s not due to his cheapness, he loves to throw money at people so he’s not pestered by life or responsibilities or anything. It’s due to cluelessness and stupidness.

I feel your pain. I know your pain and it is very very frustrating. When we really need to do maintenance or projects, I usually have the handyman or contractor add on a few extra projects that I have been adding to my list. That way it doesn’t seem as big of a project. My husband is cheap but also works a lot and doesn’t want to spend his time doing this kind of stuff. Was actually easier getting stuff doing before Covid bc I would have estimates and handyman come over when he wasn’t here and then tell him how much the cost would be but I would add more to the scope. It’s also helpful having a very reasonably priced handyman.

Same here! I convinced my husband to move out of a condo into a huge house on a few acres and I love it! He hates the upkeep and he has the money to hire people he’s just cheap and dumb. I keep reminding him the insurance, taxes and hoa at the condo were 5 times more a month than what we spend on maintenance!

I would ignore him and just go ahead and get it done. Let him flip out. Let him rant and rave. Go get a drink with your friends. He will eventually get used to it.

Anonymous wrote:14 years of home ownership (2 homes) and husband STILL gets angry/annoyed every time we have to discuss normal maintenance or wear/tear items. And forget cosmetic improvements - total non-starter with him.

We have the money he is just so damn cheap. I’m just so tired of being the “bad guy” and having to endure an argument because boards on our deck are rotting and I’d like them replaced.

Rant over.

We married the same man!!! It's horribly annoying and after 25 years of marriage, don't care if I'm the bad guy. Walk out. Don't care

I make sure our beach home is maintained because it will probably be where I end up living.

Can you two agree on a budget (annual, or monthly with rollover, don't think it matters) for house maintenance repairs, and then you just take over? Make sure you always stay under budget, since it seems like it's the money that bothers him.