Anonymous
04/12/2021 10:20
Subject: Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:new mom here to a newborn, it takes forever to pump just 1 oz of milk--literally 45mins to get 1 oz. A few days ago i pumped at 2AM and 4AM for a total of 2 ounces of breastmilk. the next morning i took the milk out of the fridge and put it on the counter to get ready for baby. DH asked me (in front of my mom) whether he should put the milk in the fridge and i responded no leave it on the counter im going to use it soon. approximately 15 mins later, my mom, who decided to be helpful went to the kitchen to wash dishes and she asked "do you need this bottle of milk or should i thwow it out?" to which i responded "leave it there i need it" and she proceeded to dump out the milk down the sink. once i find out i freaked out at her, yelling and screaming and cursing - i dont know if its the hormones or stress or mix of other things but i just lost it. i worked soooo hard to pump that milk, 2 45 min session in the middle of the night just to get 2 ounces for baby to drink in 5 minutes and i specifically said dont fckn touch it and she still threw it away. Once i was upset she proceeded to say she's sorry and she didnt hear me, but i still kept yelling making the point that she didnt need to wash the one fckn bottle on the counter. she then used this moment to turn the topic around to be about how she can't believe shes being cursed at, and no one has ever spoken to her that way and blah blah blah. i just want to vent here and i feel like she thinks the world revolves around her. she kept saying "ITS JUST MILK, YOU CAN PUMP MORE, BUT IM YOUR MOTHER, I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD YELL AT ME AND CURSE AT ME" whcih made me want to punch a wall even more. she never breastfed or pumped milk so she has no clue what it takes and basically didnt care about the work it took and only cared about herelf. sorry, but just wanted to vent here. thanks for listening.
As a daughter of a narcissist mom, I knew this was the case halfway through the paragraph. She will sabotage you every step of the way if she thinks you are doing something better than her. Get her out of the house.
BTW you sound like you have low supply. Ask your doctor about this.
Anonymous
04/12/2021 09:50
Subject: Spilled Milk
My supply sucked and I definitely have cried over spilled milk. But yelling, screaming, and cursing over a mistake is really concerning. I think you should talk to a therapist.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 14:27
Subject: Spilled Milk
I completely understand how you are feeling. My daughter is a teenager now, but I clearly remember the intense emotions regarding the liquid gold quest. I detested the phrase "there's no use crying over spilled milk."
Anonymous
04/11/2021 14:12
Subject: Re:Spilled Milk
OP this brought back a memory for me when our freezer stopped working while we were out of town, and I lost all the milk I had been pumping and storing for my son.
I was beside myself, just sobbing. Thinking of all that wasted time, feeling like a cow being milked. It was awful.
I do think you need to apologize to your mom for screaming at her, but also just give yourself some grace. You're exhausted and this is hard.
Hang in there.
I was beside myself, just sobbing. Thinking of all that wasted time, feeling like a cow being milked. It was awful.
I do think you need to apologize to your mom for screaming at her, but also just give yourself some grace. You're exhausted and this is hard.
Hang in there.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 13:51
Subject: Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:I also wasn't making much milk; the day I got a full ounce I was so excited. I remember the day a lactation consultant told me I'd need to pump a few times overnight. That was the day I ordered formula from Target and never looked back.
That’s also me, though I did have a slightly higher supply.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 11:43
Subject: Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:new mom here to a newborn, it takes forever to pump just 1 oz of milk--literally 45mins to get 1 oz. A few days ago i pumped at 2AM and 4AM for a total of 2 ounces of breastmilk. the next morning i took the milk out of the fridge and put it on the counter to get ready for baby. DH asked me (in front of my mom) whether he should put the milk in the fridge and i responded no leave it on the counter im going to use it soon. approximately 15 mins later, my mom, who decided to be helpful went to the kitchen to wash dishes and she asked "do you need this bottle of milk or should i thwow it out?" to which i responded "leave it there i need it" and she proceeded to dump out the milk down the sink. once i find out i freaked out at her, yelling and screaming and cursing - i dont know if its the hormones or stress or mix of other things but i just lost it. i worked soooo hard to pump that milk, 2 45 min session in the middle of the night just to get 2 ounces for baby to drink in 5 minutes and i specifically said dont fckn touch it and she still threw it away. Once i was upset she proceeded to say she's sorry and she didnt hear me, but i still kept yelling making the point that she didnt need to wash the one fckn bottle on the counter. she then used this moment to turn the topic around to be about how she can't believe shes being cursed at, and no one has ever spoken to her that way and blah blah blah. i just want to vent here and i feel like she thinks the world revolves around her. she kept saying "ITS JUST MILK, YOU CAN PUMP MORE, BUT IM YOUR MOTHER, I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD YELL AT ME AND CURSE AT ME" whcih made me want to punch a wall even more. she never breastfed or pumped milk so she has no clue what it takes and basically didnt care about the work it took and only cared about herelf. sorry, but just wanted to vent here. thanks for listening. [/quote
I am so sorry! Is there any way you can just nurse the baby? Baby is a better pump.
NP here with a 3 year old so way, way, way past these days, but man do I still want to punch the people who just flippantly say this. If this is your advice then you have no idea, so shut it.
This. How many times my sister and other well-meaning people said this to me........
Agreed, and I used to be one of those people. BFing was super easy for me with my first baby. Boy, did I learn my lesson with my second!
Anonymous
04/11/2021 11:10
Subject: Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:new mom here to a newborn, it takes forever to pump just 1 oz of milk--literally 45mins to get 1 oz. A few days ago i pumped at 2AM and 4AM for a total of 2 ounces of breastmilk. the next morning i took the milk out of the fridge and put it on the counter to get ready for baby. DH asked me (in front of my mom) whether he should put the milk in the fridge and i responded no leave it on the counter im going to use it soon. approximately 15 mins later, my mom, who decided to be helpful went to the kitchen to wash dishes and she asked "do you need this bottle of milk or should i thwow it out?" to which i responded "leave it there i need it" and she proceeded to dump out the milk down the sink. once i find out i freaked out at her, yelling and screaming and cursing - i dont know if its the hormones or stress or mix of other things but i just lost it. i worked soooo hard to pump that milk, 2 45 min session in the middle of the night just to get 2 ounces for baby to drink in 5 minutes and i specifically said dont fckn touch it and she still threw it away. Once i was upset she proceeded to say she's sorry and she didnt hear me, but i still kept yelling making the point that she didnt need to wash the one fckn bottle on the counter. she then used this moment to turn the topic around to be about how she can't believe shes being cursed at, and no one has ever spoken to her that way and blah blah blah. i just want to vent here and i feel like she thinks the world revolves around her. she kept saying "ITS JUST MILK, YOU CAN PUMP MORE, BUT IM YOUR MOTHER, I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD YELL AT ME AND CURSE AT ME" whcih made me want to punch a wall even more. she never breastfed or pumped milk so she has no clue what it takes and basically didnt care about the work it took and only cared about herelf. sorry, but just wanted to vent here. thanks for listening. [/quote
I am so sorry! Is there any way you can just nurse the baby? Baby is a better pump.
NP here with a 3 year old so way, way, way past these days, but man do I still want to punch the people who just flippantly say this. If this is your advice then you have no idea, so shut it.
This. How many times my sister and other well-meaning people said this to me........
Anonymous
04/11/2021 10:59
Subject: Spilled Milk
I still mourn two bottles that leaked about 4 oz on two separate occasions in my pump bag after work. I get it. Are you exclusively pumping? Or working to increase your supply? In the first few weeks, I found formula to be so helpful. It took off so much pressure, while I was only getting an ounce or two after evening and morning pump sessions (combined.) The first time around, my supply never caught up, and I continued to lean on formula. The second time, my supply caught up, and I dropped formula after I finished off the can.
I understand that you’re upset, and hormones are running high, but as you described it, you were really unreasonable with your mom. She didn’t know. She was trying to help with the dishes. Take some time to cool off and apologize. Establish that NO ONE touches the bottles except for you from now on. I completely get how frustrating wasted breast milk is. Really. I wish blame could easily be placed somewhere, but sometimes it’s no ones fault.
I understand that you’re upset, and hormones are running high, but as you described it, you were really unreasonable with your mom. She didn’t know. She was trying to help with the dishes. Take some time to cool off and apologize. Establish that NO ONE touches the bottles except for you from now on. I completely get how frustrating wasted breast milk is. Really. I wish blame could easily be placed somewhere, but sometimes it’s no ones fault.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 10:32
Subject: Re:Spilled Milk
Op here - thank you all for your support and for letting me vent. Maybe oneday I’ll laugh about this, but for now I’m still upset. I appreciate the kind words from everyone.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 10:29
Subject: Re:Spilled Milk
Been there! And you will both apologize to your mom and laugh about it one day. Trust me.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 10:12
Subject: Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:new mom here to a newborn, it takes forever to pump just 1 oz of milk--literally 45mins to get 1 oz. A few days ago i pumped at 2AM and 4AM for a total of 2 ounces of breastmilk. the next morning i took the milk out of the fridge and put it on the counter to get ready for baby. DH asked me (in front of my mom) whether he should put the milk in the fridge and i responded no leave it on the counter im going to use it soon. approximately 15 mins later, my mom, who decided to be helpful went to the kitchen to wash dishes and she asked "do you need this bottle of milk or should i thwow it out?" to which i responded "leave it there i need it" and she proceeded to dump out the milk down the sink. once i find out i freaked out at her, yelling and screaming and cursing - i dont know if its the hormones or stress or mix of other things but i just lost it. i worked soooo hard to pump that milk, 2 45 min session in the middle of the night just to get 2 ounces for baby to drink in 5 minutes and i specifically said dont fckn touch it and she still threw it away. Once i was upset she proceeded to say she's sorry and she didnt hear me, but i still kept yelling making the point that she didnt need to wash the one fckn bottle on the counter. she then used this moment to turn the topic around to be about how she can't believe shes being cursed at, and no one has ever spoken to her that way and blah blah blah. i just want to vent here and i feel like she thinks the world revolves around her. she kept saying "ITS JUST MILK, YOU CAN PUMP MORE, BUT IM YOUR MOTHER, I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD YELL AT ME AND CURSE AT ME" whcih made me want to punch a wall even more. she never breastfed or pumped milk so she has no clue what it takes and basically didnt care about the work it took and only cared about herelf. sorry, but just wanted to vent here. thanks for listening. [/quote
I am so sorry! Is there any way you can just nurse the baby? Baby is a better pump.
NP here with a 3 year old so way, way, way past these days, but man do I still want to punch the people who just flippantly say this. If this is your advice then you have no idea, so shut it.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 09:36
Subject: Re:Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:OP, you'll feel so much better in a few weeks.
For now, you need to take some pressure off yourself with the breastfeeding. It's fine to supplement if you have low supply! That's what moms have done forever. Baby will still get all the benefits of breastfeeding.
Even without the pressure of breastfeeding though, rage is definitely a thing - I really think PPD/PPA is a spectrum and everyone has some level. Even if it's not debilitating enough to need treatment, it can still send you through short periods of major rage or sadness.
Don't forget to apologize to your mom - even if you don't feel like apologizing now, do it anyway - think of it as banking it for later.
It's so hard having a newborn. I actually don't think it's SO much about the baby and the sleep, it's that your whole body is still wrecked/on a crazy journey. It would be hard even with round the clock nannies.
+1000 to all of this. My PPA/PPD manifested as rage after both of my pregnancies. It was awful, and I was definitely not myself.
I’m sorry, OP. It will get better, eventually. I agree with PPs who suggest supplementing or speaking with a lactation consultant. Being tethered to a pump for that long in the middle of the night, while also having a newborn and being early postpartum...just seems a bit excessive.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 09:29
Subject: Spilled Milk
I also wasn't making much milk; the day I got a full ounce I was so excited. I remember the day a lactation consultant told me I'd need to pump a few times overnight. That was the day I ordered formula from Target and never looked back.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 07:46
Subject: Spilled Milk
Anonymous wrote:new mom here to a newborn, it takes forever to pump just 1 oz of milk--literally 45mins to get 1 oz. A few days ago i pumped at 2AM and 4AM for a total of 2 ounces of breastmilk. the next morning i took the milk out of the fridge and put it on the counter to get ready for baby. DH asked me (in front of my mom) whether he should put the milk in the fridge and i responded no leave it on the counter im going to use it soon. approximately 15 mins later, my mom, who decided to be helpful went to the kitchen to wash dishes and she asked "do you need this bottle of milk or should i thwow it out?" to which i responded "leave it there i need it" and she proceeded to dump out the milk down the sink. once i find out i freaked out at her, yelling and screaming and cursing - i dont know if its the hormones or stress or mix of other things but i just lost it. i worked soooo hard to pump that milk, 2 45 min session in the middle of the night just to get 2 ounces for baby to drink in 5 minutes and i specifically said dont fckn touch it and she still threw it away. Once i was upset she proceeded to say she's sorry and she didnt hear me, but i still kept yelling making the point that she didnt need to wash the one fckn bottle on the counter. she then used this moment to turn the topic around to be about how she can't believe shes being cursed at, and no one has ever spoken to her that way and blah blah blah. i just want to vent here and i feel like she thinks the world revolves around her. she kept saying "ITS JUST MILK, YOU CAN PUMP MORE, BUT IM YOUR MOTHER, I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD YELL AT ME AND CURSE AT ME" whcih made me want to punch a wall even more. she never breastfed or pumped milk so she has no clue what it takes and basically didnt care about the work it took and only cared about herelf. sorry, but just wanted to vent here. thanks for listening. [/quote
I am so sorry! Is there any way you can just nurse the baby? Baby is a better pump.
Anonymous
04/11/2021 07:44
Subject: Re:Spilled Milk
OP, you'll feel so much better in a few weeks.
For now, you need to take some pressure off yourself with the breastfeeding. It's fine to supplement if you have low supply! That's what moms have done forever. Baby will still get all the benefits of breastfeeding.
Even without the pressure of breastfeeding though, rage is definitely a thing - I really think PPD/PPA is a spectrum and everyone has some level. Even if it's not debilitating enough to need treatment, it can still send you through short periods of major rage or sadness.
Don't forget to apologize to your mom - even if you don't feel like apologizing now, do it anyway - think of it as banking it for later.
It's so hard having a newborn. I actually don't think it's SO much about the baby and the sleep, it's that your whole body is still wrecked/on a crazy journey. It would be hard even with round the clock nannies.
For now, you need to take some pressure off yourself with the breastfeeding. It's fine to supplement if you have low supply! That's what moms have done forever. Baby will still get all the benefits of breastfeeding.
Even without the pressure of breastfeeding though, rage is definitely a thing - I really think PPD/PPA is a spectrum and everyone has some level. Even if it's not debilitating enough to need treatment, it can still send you through short periods of major rage or sadness.
Don't forget to apologize to your mom - even if you don't feel like apologizing now, do it anyway - think of it as banking it for later.
It's so hard having a newborn. I actually don't think it's SO much about the baby and the sleep, it's that your whole body is still wrecked/on a crazy journey. It would be hard even with round the clock nannies.