Sounds like your lack of salary for any grown adult in your house is stressing you all out AF.

Get a job that pays.
Get a DH that has a job that pays.

You mom and now your kids are completely stressed out by your complete failure as being adults. Hell I feel stressed out about it. Grow up!

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known two children with dark under eye circles and they both ended up being dx with childhood leukemia.

It’s probably allergies, but if it’s leukemia, do you think the doc won’t pick up on that unless grandma is there without OP?

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known two children with dark under eye circles and they both ended up being dx with childhood leukemia.

FFS. https://www.healthline.com/health/allergic-shiners

Do not agree to this. She sounds crazy enough I’d call the doc too and say to not allow her to bring kids in w/o your notifying office.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely unusual, but I’m hesitant to assume it’s OP’s parents being crazy. OP and their spouse don’t sound like they have their shit together at all, and it’s possible they’ve been ignoring some concerning symptoms and OP’s parents don’t trust OP and their spouse to handle this responsibly.

This is true, but why is OP's mom not sharing the specifics of her concern?

The mom might be concerned that if she tells OP, OP will blow it off and either not take the daughter to the doctor, or won’t accurately relay the mom’s concerns, family history, etc.

It’s also possible that the mom is completely inappropriately overstepping here, but people who don’t have their shit together leave themselves vulnerable to that. The easy solution would be for OP to stop using their parents as free childcare while OP and their spouse indulge their career whims, but it doesn’t sound like OP wants to give up that luxury.

Anonymous wrote:Today, my mom called saying they are both very worried about my older one having undereye circles and want to take her to the doctor. They say that there is a lot of complex genetic history I don't know about, they can't just write down the questions for me to ask, one of them absolutely must be there.

If there wasn't any history of prior overstepping and your parents were otherwise reasonable people, this would make me think that your mom is trying to cover up some family secret, like that your father isn't your biological father. But because of all the other stuff in your post, I lean towards thinking that this is just a made up excuse.

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely unusual, but I’m hesitant to assume it’s OP’s parents being crazy. OP and their spouse don’t sound like they have their shit together at all, and it’s possible they’ve been ignoring some concerning symptoms and OP’s parents don’t trust OP and their spouse to handle this responsibly.

This is true, but why is OP's mom not sharing the specifics of her concern?

Anonymous wrote:I’m just getting total red flags here. Under no circumstance is it appropriate for a grandparent to take a kid to the doctor (amid concerns) without the parent UNLESS they think abuse is going on.

Or neglect.

This is definitely unusual, but I’m hesitant to assume it’s OP’s parents being crazy. OP and their spouse don’t sound like they have their shit together at all, and it’s possible they’ve been ignoring some concerning symptoms and OP’s parents don’t trust OP and their spouse to handle this responsibly.

I’m just getting total red flags here. Under no circumstance is it appropriate for a grandparent to take a kid to the doctor (amid concerns) without the parent UNLESS they think abuse is going on.

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she just tell you what this secretive complex family medical issue is? The secretiveness is very odd.

Her mother is using it as leverage. Her mother is trouble. OP has probably put up with this manipulation her whole life and just rides it out. I used to be like that with my mother.

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to get jobs that pay. It’s absurd for two parents that have no salaries

+1. This whole situation sounds ridiculous.

I just reread the OP’s note and she said that the grandparents watch the kids “on some weekends”. They aren’t watching the OP’s DD during the week... the between jobs DH is doing that.

OP- tell your mother that the pedi isn’t allowing more than one adult and it must be a parent unless it’s an absolute emergency. Write down her concerns and present them to the DR. Present your doctor’s response to your mother. If that doesn’t shut her up you’re going to need to put some boundaries between you and your parents for a time, as difficult as that may be for you and DH.

Why can’t she just tell you what this secretive complex family medical issue is? The secretiveness is very odd.

I’ve known two children with dark under eye circles and they both ended up being dx with childhood leukemia.